Asylum: Part 1

The third house on the left when you turn on to Greene street was one of the cleanest, tidiest, nicest little houses you could ever see. The grass was always a nice color, the garden was full of healthy, brightly colored flowers. There was not a pearly-white shingle out of place. Everything was perfect, right down to the white picket fence outside.1

The men who came down to the house on that dark and stormy night really didn't understand how the man in room 42 could have such a clean and tidy sister. They came down every year to the pristine house with it's lovely garden, and every year they were surprised by the woman inside.2

They knocked on the door. Neither of them wanted to tell this woman that it was that day again. Neither wanted to escort her to the place they worked. A sweet young girl like this didn't belong in a place like that.3

Meg Baker opened the door. She was a small woman, short, thin, but curvy. She had big blue eyes and curly blonde hair. Ms. Baker was as perfect as the house she lived in all alone. Her coat was on, she'd applied her makeup, she was clearly ready to leave.4

"Oh, hello boys." She said sweetly, acting as though she was surprised to see them, "Is it that day again?"5

"Yes ma'am." One of the men replied.6

The other added, "You know, we're sorry to bother you on your birthday."7

Meg just laughed, but it was clear she only laughed to hide her uneasiness, "It's alright.It is Gregor's birthday too."8

The men always wondered about Meg's willingness to leave home on her birthday every year. A sweet, pretty girl like her should have plans, friends over, but she never did.9

"Would you like to come inside? I could put on some tea." she asked, but she knew the answer, the same as it was every year.10

"If you don't mind, we should really just get going."11

Meg nodded, and the men felt bad about not allowing her to stall. But it was just one night, one night in the whole year, and she went voluntarily. At any time, Meg Baker could always say no.12

She didn't. She walked outside, pulling her coat tighter around her, locked her door, and allowed the men to lead her to their car. Then, they would take her far away from her pretty, perfect home to the place where her brother lived.13

On that dark and stormy night, those two men took Meg Baker to Woodark Asylum. When she left the next morning, her life would not be the same.

Author notes

Eek! I got this idea on the thirtieth as the beginning of a scary story. Of course, it turned into a romance . I am so excited to write this but

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Arcos
    November 23
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    I'm excited. This is certainly interesting, and very suspenseful. It's all very mysterious, but there's just enough information where I know what's happening and want to read more. Good hook, too.

    Maybe you should explain more about Meg's 'perfect' life. The house was a good start, I would just expand it a little more.

    The asylum seems really creepy, and just the subject is enough to get me interested. Combine that with your writing skill and caliber, and I can see some great things ahead.


  • seamus gold member
    November 10

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    Good start

    Nice set up. You have your dynamic tensions set up, the nice little house vs an asylum, a pleasant girl vs her presumably disturbed brother, a routine life on the verge of a big change. Good luck with your fine writing style I'm sure it will be a very good story.


  • Sonic Banana
    November 10

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    Oooh.. very nice. I'm awful at beginning stories so I think I'll take a few pointers from you.. hmm I actually read it instead of scanning it.. which is rare, so good job

    beginning: 3, language: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5.


  • rainbowveinz
    November 9

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    Yes I am excited to read the next part! This sounds like a very interesting story. =)


  • Awakening95
    November 7

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    Sound like an interesting story . I'm excited and eager to hear what happens next.

    3 Applauds:

1 - 5 of 5