I giggled as he ran his hands down my dress. The special black and white polka dot dress I had gotten last night. It was our third date, and he said he wanted it to be special.1
It had started out with a kiss outside my door, and then he asked me if my parents were home. After shaking my head no, he asked if he could come in. What the hell, I thought to myself, shrugging. I told him yes and he smiled stepping inside my small house.2
I showed him around my house, leaving my room for last. When we got in there, he settled on my bed and beckoned me over. I sat on his lap as he ran his hands down my dress. I didn't mean for it to go that far, but it did.3
***4
Five months later, I was struggling to fit into that polka dot dress. "You really are showing," my mom commented. 5
I ran my hand up and down my stomach. "I guess I am," I murmured. I folded up and put away the polka dot dress, giving up for now.6
***7
Two months later, I was sitting in the hospital, breathing in and out, in and out. It was a little early, but the nurse had assured me that everything would be okay.8
"Oh my baby. You're only fourteen," my mom said softly, stroking my hair. I reached up and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. 9
The nurse came in, wearing a red and white polka dot shirt. I grunted and moaned, feeling as if I had to push.10
***11
A month later, I was folding up a black and white polka dot jumper that had been my daughter's, placing it in a box. It had been a month since I had first seen her little face. I was going to visit her today with my mom.12
As we drove, my mom and I spoke little. Tears were streaming down both our faces, but we didn't talk. We both stared straight ahead, watching the asphalt race in front of us.13
***14
As I knelt in front of the pale marble grave, I cried. My mother struggling to stay composed, kneeling with me and patting my back. I remembered my black and white polka dress, the start of it all.
Author notes
I chose the polka dot fabric. I hope you enjoyed this.
A contest entry
- Story Contest #6 (Random Objects) by VelvetWings.
300 points, ended November 11, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Shorter stuff (<500) by Vanilla King.
100 points, ends November 28, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Make me cry kind of stories. by kissedbyan angel.
200 points, ended November 21, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Did you like it? Be honest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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aw thats so sad... i think u wrote it well
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This is a very sad story. But You didn't show much emotion. Maybe if you made it a little longer, and showed what her mother and what she felt, it would become amazing. But you did a very nice job. XD
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very good. thats some pretty serious stuff your dealing with there and you pull it off flawlessly.
at least if there were any flaws, then i couldn't find them.
its an excellent short story
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omg
ohmy gosh!! i loved that story!!im 14 and i can not imagine myself being prego.thanks it really was an awesome storybeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks!
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Nicely written with a timeline in it. Sad the story had to end in the way it did, with the lost of the child.
Great job.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I really liked this, especially how you tied the polka dots into the different aspects of the story. I definitely wasn't expecting that sort of ending!
Strange coincidence that I have polka dot socks though...
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This was sad and like how things all tied together with the polka dots and it was well written and like how you had put this together and
made a really touching story, thanks was a very good write and deserving of the accolades it gets.
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:'( That was so sad! And it all started with a polka dot dress. I liked the way you kept the polka dots going. :]
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aww. this was really well written!
the ending totally made me want to cry
great job
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Wow, very touching. An interesting twist on an interesting theme, made very emotional. I guess that means you did a good job!
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I commented before and great job.
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Wow, that was original! I liked the polka-dot theme running through the story, it gave the shards of situations some cohesion.
Though obviously sad, I must say the story didn't really touch me. I cant really say why, but I think it's a little too clean. There's an anonymous teen, that got knocked up by an anonymous boy and had a miscarriage. Adding more detail and emotion might make it more touching for me personally.
Your grammar and spelling are fine
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
Wow, I havent read something like that in a long time and It was really sad, you should enter this in one of the contests that I found while I was browsing. It's in the new contests though and the person wants really sad stuff. Great job and keep up the good work.
-Jennifer
out
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Well written, smooth and easy read. Very sad. Wasn't expecting that ending at all. Tugged at my heartstrings. You did a good job at really pulling the reader in and sympathizing with the narrator within just a short piece. Fantastic work here.
Keep writing always.
Pixie
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Very cool.
I love it. At first when I saw all of the little stars, I was honestly thinking "Oh crap, this is going to be SO choppy".
But it wasn't! In fact, it was well written and I think I'll read more of your work since you produce stuff this good.
Surprised I haven't met you sooner, but glad I did now.
love
and most importantly
Ink ~ -
Hello and thank you for entering my contest.
I found this story incredibly touching, but also somewhat painful to read. (In a good way? I just mean that I don't like the idea of child pregnancy--a 14 year old is definitely a child to me--but you brought on the idea well.)
The beginning was kind of predictable, but that is made up for by the twist at the end.
I think my favourite thing about this story is that nothing specific is ever told, from the characters' names, to the meaning of the story or even the events that happen. It's all left for the reader to decide and figure out. The link back to the polkadot dress at the end makes a good close-by-return.
I think I'd only change one thing about this. Your sentence "My mother struggling to stay composed, kneeling with me and patting my back." in the last paragraph sounds a little awkward; you might want to rework it.
Great job and good luck to you.
~Sparrow
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Thank you for the comment! I will defintley work on re-wording that phrase, I found it a little akward too, but wasn't sure if I should redo it or not. Thanks for the applause too!
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wow, this is really....
touching, and i can really realte to this, for i once lost a baby -RIP Isabella Romy Lamb- she was named after me
I was only fourteen too, but it was rape
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Oh! I'm so sorry. Thanks for the comment
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