Prologue: Dredging up the Forgotten (Ella Paul’s Perspective)1
It was like looking at the world through a new set of eyes, which in fact, was exactly what I was doing, with two key differences. Firstly, the world wasn’t mine and secondly, my traded eyes were not human. Somehow, I was being transported into the past, a place where dragons and magic roamed free and unchecked. Incredibly, impossibly, I had landed myself in the heart of Draconi, watching the golden lands flourish under Gareth’s perspective. I had never before seen such beauty.2
Pink, orange and yellow hues permanently coloured the skies as three tiny suns shone brilliantly through the wispy, purple clouds. Schools of fish danced above my head, flipping and turning through the air just like they did in water. Butterflies the size of dinner plates flew pleasantly around them, varying from green to crimson in colour. I reached out to touch one - or rather Gareth did - and a scaly, purple claw disrupted my vision. I examined the giant hand in interest, watching one of the smaller, ruby coloured butterflies land gently within the gap. Even though it was much larger than the ones present on Earth, the creature still had plenty of room to flap its wings. The space between my talons was enormous. 3
A low, throaty chuckle had me almost jumping out of my skin - or was it scaly hide? - and I had to remind myself of the current predicament I was in. As a sixteen and a half year old dragon-human hybrid, I’d more than had my fair share of weird lately. Ever since I was a small child, the King of Draconi, a gargantuan planet that oversaw our own had been fused together with my heart, body and mind. This infusion enabled me to do things others would consider near impossible. I could control and manipulate the air element with ease, bending the currents to my very will, and I could also predict the future. As of late however, that power was completely nonexistent. Thanks to the Magiks - witches and wizards hell-bent on stealing my life force to bring forth the apocalypse - I can no longer see what destiny has in store for us; they removed my gift with a cursed spell. If it wasn’t for my friends and the other people like me, known as Dracosapiens, I probably would have died a long time ago. They too have possessing dragons and abilities, whether it’s super speed and strength like Tyson or immortality and healing like Jake, my ex-boyfriend. 4
All ten of us had been chosen for a higher purpose, to stop the five rebel traitors - led by the sadistic Adriana - from destroying yet another world just as they did with the Draconi kingdom, leaving it rot and smoulder for all of eternity, all in the name of more power. By killing off every dragon with magical abilities and adding them to their own, their powers would increase exponentially. The sad thing was, Adriana and Gareth used to be allies which only added more fuel to the flames.5
Tiny, yellow crested birds sped past my eyes, twittering in content as they dove in and out of the lake before me. Thatcher birds I thought to myself, remembering Gareth’s stories of home. Creatures that actually nested underwater.6
I moved closer, eyes wide and intrigued, as what appeared to be miniscule flowers danced in a breeze that just wasn’t there. I gasped as I inspected them further. They were fairies, little, ivory skinned people wrapped in petals, dewdrops and leaves, their wings like spindly twigs, so intricate and fragile.7
A light humming filled my ears as they approached, the aroma wafting off their clothes so sweet that it made me want to cry. They waved at me merrily, singing a tune that I did not recognise, bowing occasionally out of respect.8
“Thankyou, my dear ones,” cooed Gareth humbly. “I take it your day is going well?” The fairies nodded fervently, beckoning him forth with their diminutive hands.9
“Yes, I suppose you are right,” he mused. “A light bath never hurt anyone.” With another amused chuckle, my possessing dragon slid into the depths, cutting the water gracefully upon every movement.10
Groaning softly, he rolled onto his back then stretched, yawning hugely so that a long, speckled tongue flopped out of his mouth. I fought back a laugh. How nice it would be to have a dragon as a pet, he was so much cuter than a dog. Now if only he couldn’t talk and backchat like a real canine, then I’m sure Draconian kings would be in full demand.11
“Master, master,” rasped a voice from nowhere. “The merman prophets bring grim news.” Gareth flipped himself over, eyes narrowed and wary as he stared into the cold, black eyes of the most unusual looking woman. Her skin was mottled a deep purple and blue azure, her hair the brightest of whites. She swam blithely around him, swaying from left to right, her wiry limbs covered in strange symbols and shapes. One however, shaped around her well pronounced bare chest, flashed a vibrant, unsettling crimson.12
“What is it, nymph?” he demanded, tone shaking with unease.13
“Wrath, my lord. The sin of wrath is upon you.”14
In a list
Comments
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You posted the sequel and you didn't even tell me??? EVILLLL YOU!!!!!
Absolutely beautiful prologue. Man, everyone can describe things well, except me.


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great description of the world. Yes I agree with Dreamwanderer that you are improving.
Perhaps you´re even better than me! lol, at least in descriptions, which have always been my weakness.
Storywise - now that´s something I´m more comfortable with
- you introduce that new world and the ability to take dragon form in draconis - which will undoubtedly be used for some dragon on dragon (or dragon on magick) action, so yay for that
And the end is suitably ominous.
Wait, what are you doing reading commments - Go write the rest of book 2!

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Can't comment on the story - this is only the first piece of the puzzle. I have to [yet again] point to your [usual] intriguing ending.
Instead, here I'm going to focus your great improvements since way back in chapter one - re-read it and note the difference in word selection and the flow. And, especially, the imagery:
"Incredibly, impossibly, I had landed myself in the heart of Draconi, watching the golden lands flourish under Gareth’s perspective. I had never before seen such beauty."
This is not something you would've come up with last year[?]. Your vocabulary is on the rise, you use the nicely metred "Incredibly, impossibly" where most wouldn't think to. "Under" is well chosen where most would choose a less descriptive "with" or "through"; it implies Gareth's great size/regal stature, or perhaps a lofty perch. Another good one:
"They were fairies, little, ivory skinned people wrapped in petals, dewdrops and leaves, their wings like spindly twigs, so intricate and fragile."
So much said in so little. You're mixing the commas and the "ands" to a much better flow - a style after my own heart. Perhaps you could throw some "thens" into the mix here and there:
"Groaning softly, he rolled onto his back [then] stretched." "And" implies actions happening at the same time, wherein "Then" implies one event followed by another. This is just a thought - "and" always strikes me as the overused conjunction.
I know I'm probably going overboard with the kudos, but I was really taken with some of your imagery. Seriously - I want to see what comes next as much to see what poetry come up with as the story itself. Too bad I'm only allowed three clappies - Dw

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Holy Crow.
What a comment. Thank you so much, I'm glad to hear that I'm improving and yes, 'and' is used a helluva lot, so I'll try to keep that in mind.
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