I
On these gravestones
These cold gravestones
Like young warm blood
Scarlet warm blood
Are roses thrown1
Unmarked gravestones
All these gravestones
But each rose bears
Marks of warm tears
Pointing war's cons!
______________________2
II
In their coffins;
Shunned by their sins
Shunned from mother Earth
From love, from mirth;
Shunned for our sins!3
Mourning and feasting,
Mother and king
She lost her son,
A battle he won,
The Fates just sing!
A contest entry
- Limerick Galor by Cocoly Docolies.
300 points, ended November 12, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Powerful!
I usually associate limericks with rather silly stuff. These are very powerful images. Good luck in the contest.
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I am glad that this poem had an impression on you!
thnx for the applaud!
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This was good!
Well, you did a very good job. You said that it is a translation of an Urdu poem. Which one?
Anyways, the poem was good. Flowed nicely except last stanza. First line of last stanza had an extra syllable. So, had third line. I think that setting aside your syllable craze (
) flow can be improved as follows:Mourning and feasting
A mother and king
She lost her son
A fight he won
Their fates just sing.Also i couldn't understand the meaning of second stanza. Explanation please.
Happy writing.
Farhan.
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these are good the last one is my fav
Thankyou for entering and good luck!
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