The Darkness

Julius Hunter had been plagued by the darkness his whole life. He sometimes saw out of the corner of his eyes creatures made of shadowy tendrils snickering at him. He had been driven insane four times in the last two years and every time in the Insane Asylum he had to pretend he couldn't see the darkness just so he could get out of the hell-hole but then the insanity got so bad he had to return. A figment of his imagination or after-shock of years in combat? He never knew the answer but most people thought they did.Today he was walking along a darkened alley and The Darkness was particularly strong today and he could feel his sanity slipping for the fifth time a man saw him stumbling and ran up to him and asked if he was alright. Jason's eyes were bloodshot and he screamed and plunged his knife into the man's heart. people began to look at the insane Jason and it wasn't long before the police arrived. After a lengthy trial he was decided to be insane and was taken to jail where after a few weeks he was sent to the electric chair. As the electricity charged through him he smiled as The Darkness finally left his mind. In his last moments he knew what it was like to be normal. He cried with joy as his body was charred and he started to die and he faced his executioner and smiled "Thank you so much" And Jason Hunter died free of insanity and The Darkness.1

The End

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Comments

  • C Z Zombie silver member
    November 7
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    Edit | Reply
    good plot, but you should pobably make it longer. add more descriptions and details maybe.


  • whitefire23
    November 7
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    Good

    The plot line is good in itself, but i was wondering whether you could make it a little longer? Draw it out more so that we can feel more in depth with the character? I mean you don't have to its just an idea.

    Punctuation and paragraphing need some work. Bit too much repitition of the word insanity...but otherwise its fine.

    Good start!

    beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.