Spin

What do you do if you go to the place where you experienced a tragedy? Will you relive it or forget it? What if, that same thing you wanted to forget was the only memory left in your mind?1

Hi. You can call me Dave.2

~ ~ ~ ~3

The landscape of the rolling hills quite astounded me.4

For the first time in three years I departed from the city and into the scenic countryside.5

My hometown looked just like before. I found everything to be unchanged. My house,a few blocks away from the church, is still uninhabited.6

This hill town still holds many of my memories. Memories I have long forgotten.7

I tread on, past the houses and people. The sunset looks beautiful. In the distance, I see a familiar structure that still stands. An old, tarnished ferris wheel towering over a small plain where the circus once was. Of course the premises is locked from outsiders and sharp barbed wires encompass the circumference of it. I'll take my chances and go in.8

I'm in. The grass grew really tall since I was last here. They could reach my knee. Who knows what dangers lurk under this overgrown verdure. I jog. Then, I run. As fast as I can, I run towards it. I think I've run this fast before. No. Faster.9

The mnemonic flashes of memories from my teenhood gleamed from the red-orange sunset behind me. Drops of sweat dripped, as if like blood, to the ground. My heart was racing.10

I stopped suddenly. It was right in front of me. I wanted to touch it. But I forgot what it felt like to remember something so important to me.11

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~12

It all started when I was 15.13

It was the night of my friend's birthday party. I, together with my little sister, Louise, rode the red, newly built ferris wheel. We were the only ones riding. We could smell the fresh paint. We could see the bright lights of the carnival below us. We held cotton candy. My sister, by my side, was smiling so much I thought her cheeks would rip apart. Moments like this made me think God was smiling upon me.14

The ferris wheel stopped. Our gondola (or car) was on the very top. My sister tapped my arm. "Look." I looked up and I could see the cosmos in all of their beauty. There was a shooting star that seemed like it was flying over us.15

Our astonishment was interrupted when we heard gunshots below. We bent down to see what was going on. Suddenly a tent, the fortune teller tent, exploded. We could hear screaming. There were these group of men carrying guns. They shot anyone they saw. Anyone. My friends, my family, everyone else, were all shot to death. 16

There was a calm. I was hugging my little sister, still ten years old, trying to comfort her. Tears were running over both of our faces. I started to pray. I wasn't able to go to church the week before. Maybe that was it. Maybe this is my punishment or something.17

Suddenly, the ferris wheel started to move. I clutched on to the railing that supported us both in the air. When we got down, there before us, was the town's pastor. He was bleeding profusely.18

I held back my tears and carried Louise on my back. She was crying like a baby, but at times like this I guess it can't be helped. I was running at top speed and we were both almost at the gate. Then all of a sudden, a fist met the back of my head. I was knocked over. When I got a hold of my consciousness, I saw a man all in black in a top coat. Pulling my sister's hair tight.19

"Boy, you want to live?"20

He held a pistol against her neck.21

My sanity broke down. I couldn't possibly be this miserable can I?22

I lost my friends, my parents, everyone I cared for. I don't want to lose her. So, I answered.23

"Maybe."24

He let go of her hair and instead, pointed the gun at me.25

"Girl, wanna see you brother die?"26

Of course, she said no.27

This man's serious face turned into a mischievous grin. He switched targets and shot my sister in the head. I screamed.28

They started kicking me in the stomach (seeing that I was on the ground) and beat me up. But strangely I didn't mind the pain.29

Shortly after I almost lost consciousness they stopped and left. Minutes later the police came and I fell asleep.30

I woke up the next morning in a hospital bed in the city. Beside me was my girlfriend, Cathi, who had a cast wrapped around her right leg. As i recounted the events that occurred last night, it was comforting to know at least she survived. I thought everybody had died.31

She said,32

"You and I are the only survivors..."33

She shed a tear.34

"...only the both of us."35

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~36

Since I became an instant orphan, I was sent to my grandparents living in Los Angeles and said farewell to the countryside, and Cathi. I never communicated to her ever since.37

I studied well and still kept my faith despite losing my memories soon after. He was watching me after all.38

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~39

Well, I'm standing here, next to the only relic of my past. This ferris wheel broke me down, yet still keeps me in tact. I pull out something from my right pocket. A pocket Bible. I place it inside the blue car we rode, now rusty and dirty.40

The sun is now gone and a blanket of stars folds out into the horizon. The same heavenly bodies that my sister looked at. I close this memoir of mine, hoping that writing this down will always remind me of what it's like to have my life changed in an instant, and how I can always rise above it.