Girl I Once Knew (For NaNoWriMo) start

Chapter One: The Happy Girl Writes A Suicide Note.1

“I used to be the happy girl in school. I used to have friends that never cared what I did, and loved my anyway. That was before my parents divorced. The blow hit me harder than anyone knew. I just never thought that I would have to go this far to get noticed…”2

Salty tears streamed from her eyes as the old razor blade made yet, another cut. She had old scars and new ones. The pain dulled with every numbing blow. Numb with blood loss and pain, she stood up from the cold, damp bathroom floor to wash her blade and gored arms. After this, she would go into her “relaxation” session by drowning herself in a hot shower and some alcohol.3

The hot water stung her arms, bringing forth more tangy blood from the fresh wounds. The red, sticky liquid mixed with the clear water, giving it an orange tinge. She watched it pour down the drain. She shampooed and conditioned her hair, shaved her underarms and legs, then turned the water knob to cold. Letting her wounds cool and retreat the bleeding. She then shut off the cooling water, wrapped herself in a towel and grabbed the first-aid kit to start bandaging her self inflicted wounds. Anti-biotic ointment was slathered onto her arms, leaving them greasy and wet. Then, fluffy gauze covered her disastrous mess. And to finish, a long sleeve shirt covered her secret masterpiece. She pulled on a pair of pajama pants over her lacy pink underwear.4

“…You know, you never could tell when I hurt myself, because my mood never changed, and no one cared to ask how my day was, or what I learned in school that day. No one had the time, and I wasn’t going to impose on something as precious as that. My fear of death and loneliness left me a long time ago, to torture some other helpless soul into fighting my fight…”5

In the small kitchen of the two bedroom apartment, never used because her mother were never home to cook, there was a cabinet under the sink in which she kept the booze. Everclear, Bailey’s, 1800, and Jack Daniel’s lurked under waiting for Carrie to open them to the damp air of the old apartment. Carrie opened the Everclear bottle and took a long whiff of the pungent alcohol. Slowly, she poured herself a shot and brought the fluid to her lips. The alcohol passed her tongue with a spark of insanity. She took another shot and shook her head violently for a few seconds, letting the poison settle in her stomach. Carrie forced another and another shot down her throat and she felt the burning in her stomach, begging her to stop. But she persisted and jumped as she heard her cell phone ring.6

“Hello?” She said groggily7

“Hey stranger!” said a familiar voice belonging to none other than Seth, her best friend.8

“Well, whacha callin’ me for on a day like this?”9

There was a silence. “You okay, Carrie, you sound a little off…”
“I’m fine, you know, same ol’ same ol’” she said, heat rising in her cheeks at the lie she just told.
“Carrie, you know you have always been a horrible liar. What’d you do, go get yourself hurt and drunk?”10

“No, opfth coursthe nawt…”11

“Don’t make me come over there….” He warned.12

“Why not, we could have a little fun!” she joked.13

Seth rolled his eyes. “Fine, I will be over in about twenty.”14

She hung up the phone and sat on the couch, waiting. She fiddled with the loose strings of her pant leg and crouched in a fetal position on the floor. There were many things she had to think about in the next eighteen minutes. She spent her time watching the clock from minute to minute and spaced out for a few. Still thinking about whom she was and why she loved Seth so much. Carrie went through the scene again in her mind, her repeating fantasy.15

“… I used to think that love was just a game, something to play with when you were bored, but when I met Seth, he changed my whole world around. I felt almost serene in his arms I just couldn’t fathom my own existence going on any further than it did without him…”16

She heard the shriek of the brakes of Seth’s old red and black pick-up truck, Carrie’s favorite color scheme. The door slammed shut and he looked into the window that she just so happened to be staring out of. He gave her a smile and a wink and he hopped up the steps in three strides. Taking him longer than usual to open the door, Carrie just sat there, staring at the door for the second that felt like hours. When it finally opened, she ran to the door, nearly knocking down his small frame.17

“Well hello to you too.” He said, lifting her up into his arms, pulling her into his arms and defined chest.18

Instead of a verbal greeting, Carrie leaned into his chest and tried to kiss his neck. But Seth stopped her.19

“Carrie, can I at least get a hello before we start this?”20

“Hi!” She said hurriedly. He put her down and she grabbed his hand, leading him to her small and somewhat dirty room.21

He sat down on her bed as she instructed him to close his eyes and do so. She undressed and pulled on a lacy and racy pair of thigh-high nylons, and took off her bra and thong. She wanted him to feel just right. Carrie walked over to the bed and straddled Seth, making his whole body stiff. She ran her long slender fingers through his short scruffy hair, and he let out a moan of pleasure. Carrie moved a hand down his face and stopped at his lips, tracing them with perfection. She brought her face down to his and locked her lips on his. Seth’s eyes were still closed as Carrie lowered her body onto his clothed body, making his bulge stiffen under the pressure. Her arms were now wrapped around his torso, hugging him into a cuddling position. Seth grabbed a fistful of Carrie’s hair as he turned over, so she was on the bottom. He had full control of her now and he could smell the shampoo she used. A light rose and mint, his favorite scents. He kissed her again, but this time, he pushed his tongue through her lips and caused her to make an “mmmmmm” sound. Carrie opened her vibrant green eyes as her copper toned hair swept across her brow.22

“Seth, do you love me?” Carrie asked suddenly.23

“Why, of course I do Carrie, something on your mind telling you otherwise?” Seth answered with another question.24

“Do you even know what love is?” she asked, trying to get something off her mind.25

“Well, I do know that we love each other and we don’t have to have sex to prove it, this is just for kicks and giggles.” He said sincerely.26

“Then I want you to prove how much you love me physically, how far will you go for me?” She asked, placing her words carefully.27

“Here, I’ll show you,” he said, while breaking away to pull off his jeans.28

After pulling off his jeans and shirt, he grabbed Carrie’s wrist tightly, and lay on top of her. His penis was erect and pressing against Carrie’s pelvis. He adjusted himself on top of her so his penis was right above her vagina. As he entered her, he was thinking to himself that he would rather not have the chance of hurting her and keep her friendship than hurt her and ruin what they had worked their whole lives to have. But, he thrust into her, just as she had asked, wanting him to prove how much he loved her. Carrie’s breathing started to shorten and quicken in pace. She was so concentrated that she didn’t notice that he was trying to kiss her until she came. Her body went into a spasm and she shook horribly. Seth stopped for a moment, waiting to see if she was okay. But the spasms didn’t stop. Hurriedly, he rolled to her side and embraced her tight, trying to bring her back to reality.29

“Fuck!” he said, his body more tense now than it was before he knew this was happening.30

“…I didn’t even think that I would come out of it. I just kept shaking and shaking and I didn’t know what to do. I was scared, but Seth showed me how much he loved me. Even though in his book, I was being a “bad girl” by hurting myself. But it’s not my fault that the counselors were not helping at all. I would talk to them and talk to them, but they had nothing to say back that could be at all helpful in the long run. So they knew that I didn’t want to live, and all they did was give me a stupid fucking card with a “help hotline” on it that I called and no one answered. The school just doesn’t give a shit, and I’m sorry for the next bitch that tries to get help from them. Mr. Anderson, I just want you to know that this little excerpt is for you, wherever you are. You told me things would be okay, that they would be alright, and look where I am now… Is that what you expected from me, thought you couldn’t stop it, well, if that wasn’t your intention, you’re too late anyway. I just hope that you can learn from this you bastard and help some other poor girl before it is too late…”31

Finally, the spasms stopped and Carrie was still wrapped in Seth’s arms, but he and she both were clothed. He lay in bed with her all night, not giving a damn that he would get grounded for the next month. It was all worth it to him to be with his best friend since childhood. Seth just wanted to be a friend to her now more than ever. This was her moment of need.32

Softly, Carrie started to sing their version of “One Hundred Bottles”33

“One hundred bottles of wine on the wall, one hundred bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around, ninety nine bottles of wine on the wall. Ninety nine bottle of wine on the wall, ninety nine bottles of wine, take one down pass it around, ninety eight bottles of wine on the wall…”34

Seth joined in and started to sing too, lulling Carrie to sleep.35

“Sixty six bottles of wine on the wall, sixty six bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around, sixty five bottles of wine on the wall… fifty four bottles of wine on the wall, fifty four bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around, fifty three bottles of wine on the wall… Forty bottles of wine on the wall, forty bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around , thirty nine bottles of wine on the wall. Thirty nine bottles of wine on the wall, thirty nine bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around, thirty eight bottles of wine on the wall…”36

Carrie’s breathing was now at a slow syncopated pace; she was sleeping right next to Seth, in her bed, in her home. Even though he knew well that she didn’t consider any place her home, her home was in a heart. And that night, he found out whose heart she belonged in.37

Seth’s mind wandered to dreams of being with Carrie until he died. He loved her in many ways. As a sister, needing protection; as a friend, needing someone; and as a lover, needing what the world had hidden from her for the majority of her life, love. Seth’s eyes became unfixed on the spackle of the ceiling and he drifted off to sleep. 38

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Chapter Two: A Day at School with a Suicidal Girl41

The annoying beeping of the alarm clock at six-thirty in the morning awoke Seth with a start. He rolled over on his side and saw Carrie sleeping, quite peacefully. And he thought to himself, no wonder she is always late for school. He pulled the covers higher up Carrie’s back, and got out of bed. His feet hit the cold floor, and he wished that he would have worn socks to bed. He pulled off his sweaty tee shirt, and threw it to the floor. Seth grabbed a new shirt out of the closet and put it on. Next, he took his belt out of the belt loops of his baggy jeans, and dropped his pants to the floor also. He had a stash of clothes at Carrie’s house for any time and for no apparent reason. But today, he knew he needed them and he was thankful for it.42

“Carrie, it’s time to get up!” Seth said, knowing that she was all alone and no one had ever done that for her. No one else cared enough for her to even think that she would succeed in life.43

“…Life had passed me by before I even knew it. And there was only one person in my whole life that ever gave a shit. Seth, I know you’ll probably be desecrating my grave after the funeral. If I even have one. I don’t care how life goes from here, but I just wanted it to be better than it was for me, and seriously, I don’t think that it could have gotten better in life…”44

“Hmmmm?” Carrie groaned, obviously used to always sleeping in on the weekdays.45

“Hun, it’s time for you to get up and get ready for school.” Seth said. 46

“Oh, K,” she said, removing the sheets and placing her feet on the cold floor. “Damn, it’s cold this morning…” she responded. She stood up and walked over to her dresser, and pulled out underwear, bra, tee shirt and pair of skinny jeans.47

“I think this will do for today, you think?” Carrie asked Seth, who gave a response,48

“Yeah, it will look great on your tight ass,” he said.49

“You’re such a fucking smart ass” she replied, jokingly like they always did.50

“I know; that’s why you love me so much.”51

Carrie pulled on her shirt and jeans after her undergarments, then grabbed her backpack, coat and shoes, and headed out the door with Seth. They walked about a block and a half, and waited at the bus stop. Any conversation they had was hushed as others came to the spot, also waiting to hitch a ride on the big yellow diesel guzzler, also known as the dreaded school bus.52

The large yellow machine rolled down the road, and stopped at the corner where the lazy high school students just wanted to get on the bus. Carrie stepped on the stairs of the bus before Seth, and as she did, she almost tripped in the process where someone had dropped some of their soda on the floor.53

“Oops!” she said, trying to cover up the incident54

“Come on, lets go find a seat” Seth said, avoiding the whole subject.55

The bus ride was slow, and Carrie had nothing else to do on the cold bus, so she snuggled up next to Seth, and handed him an earphone of her iPod. “Pokerface” by Lady GaGa was playing and Carrie started swaying her head to the popular beat. She knew Seth liked the country genre more than anything, so she switched it to “Whisky Lullaby”, a popular tune in the Country realm of music.56

“..With the strength she had to get up off her knees, she put the bottle to her head and pulled the trigger, she had finally drank away her memories…and while the angels sing a whisky lullaby, la la la la la la la. La la la la la la laaaaa.” Carrie sang with Seth in unison, which was quite surprising considering that Seth never sang much. But Carrie sang all the time whether she was happy or sad, that girl was addicted to music.57

Even though Carrie was depressed as hell all in all, she did have good moments where she was not genuinely happy, but happy enough to stay off the booze for a couple hours. She snuggled closer to Seth and laid her head on his chest, listening to both the music and the beating of his heart, one of her favorite things to do with him for some reason. The thumping of his heart was therapeutic and amazing to listen to. She had always wondered how the heart kept rhythm, no matter what science told her, she believed that there was music inside every single person, even the rudest and bitchiest of people.58

The slow bus pulled up into the bus loop where the students were loaded and unloaded, depending on the time of day. School in Cheney, Washington started at the butt crack of dawn, seven thirty to be exact. Carrie and Seth exited the bus, and started walking toward the entrance to the moderately large school. The letters, “C” “H” “S” were flashing on the announcement screen, as they did daily with the announcements of sports and drama.59

Carrie’s first class was English II Honor’s with Mrs. Mouldibee, room 157 in the English wing. She walked to the foyer alone, after Seth left to go get them some breakfast, and bring it to her before seven-fifteen. Continuing down the hall, she took a left into the English wing, a “school’ block past the Science wing and a “school” block before the History wing. Carrie passed by numerous people on the way to her classroom, at the end of the hall. She always shook her head lightly and looked away from the couples that would always make out in the halls. 60

“Keep that to yourselves” or, “Get a room!” she would utter under her breath. Carrie rolled her eyes and stopped at room 157, Mrs. Mouldibee. Entering the room, Carrie quickly located her seat, dropped her backpack on the floor underneath it, and sat at the desk, pulling out her planner and filling out the day’s tasks for English:61

We will be focusing on defining our vocabulary words and reading + discussing Brave New World 62

Mrs. Mouldibee was a stout little woman at about fifty years of age. She had dyed blonde hair, and a special blue necklace that she wore everyday to honor her deceased husband that fought in WWII. The dress she wore was a forest green color, with delicate black stripes going horizontally down the dress. Her frigid blue eyes peered over her thin reading glasses every time she spoke at the male species. For some reason, unbeknownst to Carrie, Mrs. Mouldibee always liked girls better than boys. Maybe it was because the girls in her classes did not goof around when the bell rang, and were more focused on their work.63

It was fifteen minutes to the bell when Seth entered the room with their coffee and muffins. Seth’s coffee was of course, black, as all men liked, and his muffin was a Banana Nut muffin, in which he only got on every Monday, because it was the special of the day. Carrie’s coffee was a small Carmello chocolate latte with whipped cream, and her favorite muffin, a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin with a sugar dipped top.64

“Here we go,” Seth said, taking a bite of his muffin and a sip of his hot coffee.65

Carrie took a deep breath and sighed, inhaling the scent of her coffee. She closed her eyes and placed her fingertips to her temples and hummed softly, trying to swipe away her dark memories of the night before. She opened her eyes and looked at her bloody wrists. Carrie looked like she had just left a horror movie, and been the only survivor. She couldn’t quite figure out if she regretted her past transgressions or not. The pain went away after a while and the only thing she was physically hurting was herself. She didn’t understand that while she tore herself down, she took others with her.66

“Well, Car, I gotta go to class” Seth said as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.67

He left the room at the sound of the “five minute bell” or better known as the “Get your ass to class before you are late!” bell. Carrie finished her coffee and muffin, then threw away the garbage. She walked back to her desk, and pulled out a pink and green notebook for her English class that had her notes and vocabulary words for each week in its crisp pages.68

“Good Morning, class,” Mrs. Mouldibee said as she got up from her desk, “Today, I’m passing out your vocabulary for the week, and I want it finished by tomorrow for me to collect, grade, and pass back for you to study until Friday.” She walked around the room passing out the number of packets for the number of students in the row. She placed three papers on Carrie’s desk, and walked by. Then, did a double-take, and walked back to Carrie’s desk.69

“Chanice, can you pass out the rest of these while I have a discussion with Miss Carrie Rudebaker?” Mouldibee asked as she beckoned Carrie out of her seat and out the door.70

Carrie looked around, “You wanted to speak to me ma’am?” she said, although she could quote what her next words were in her mind almost to a “T”.71

“Yes, Miss Rudebaker, I would like to ask what is wrong with your arms, they don’t look like they did before the weekend. Do I need to be alarmed?” she asked, sounding sincerely concerned.72

“Oh, that?” she said as she pointed to her arm, “It’s nothing to be very concerned about, but I will talk to the counselor if you need me to,” Carrie responded mimicking the tone in Mouldibee’s voice perfectly.73

“Well, I do think that you should go see Mr. Anderson as soon as possible. Here, I will write you a note and you can be excused from the period.”74

“Thanks, Mrs. Mouldibee,” Carrie said in a non-sarcastic tone. She had been to the counselor’s office at least twice a week for the last two years and quite frankly, he seemed very annoyed with Carrie.75

“Here you go,” Mrs. Mouldibee said, coming out the class with Carrie’s backpack and a signed notice of excused absence from the class. “Now go to the counselor’s office, and I will let you know what happened in class tomorrow.”76

Carrie walked down the hall, into the main stream, and three “school” blocks to the right. The sign next to the door said “Counseling Center” and she walked right in and sat in a chair outside Mr. Anderson’s office, waiting for the door to open.77

“Carrie Rudebaker, come on in,” Mr. Anderson said as he opened his door, barely glancing in Carrie’s direction. He was a short and heavily built man of about thirty-five, or so Carrie had guessed. He barely had hair, and she knew not whether he shaved or if it was just his receding hairline. His eyes were a green-blue that pierced whoever stared into them for more than a few seconds.78

“What brings you here this morning, were you forced, or did you come of your won accord?” Mr. Anderson asked, eyes unfocused, but staring at the computer screen, completely avoiding Carrie’s returning glare.79

“Mouldibee said that I should come down here and see if you could magically make all my problems disappear” Carrie replied, still glaring with the sweet syrup of sarcasm dripping profusely from her pale pink lips. Her eyeliner encased eyes focused on the smallest detail of his skin to avoid either laughing or spilling her guts by puking on the floor.80

“Well, it looks like you’ve been hurting yourself… again” Mr. Anderson pointed out, using his peripheral vision to look at her arms without catching her glare along with the view.
“Don’t you think that would cause worry in the staff that teach you?”81

“Not so much, seeing as you don’t give a shit about me either,” Carrie shot back, faster than the last time she talked to him. She was getting smarter with her words, and didn’t need time to think about it before it spewed from her lips at the exact moment she thought of it.
“Why don’t you just go ahead and call the hospital considering I’m such a bad kid and all,” Carrie spiked the words with emotion that she knew Mr. Anderson could not compete with.82

“Is that what you want? You know how it is there, and I would have you on seventy-two hour Suicide Watch instead of forty-eight like last time.” He responded, trying to play mind games.83

Carrie walked out of the office, into the hall and down the corridor to the public school phone. She deliberately dialed 9-1-1 and waited for the answer on the other end.84

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” a tired woman’s voice answered, obviously she had worked the night shift, or just hadn’t gotten her cup of coffee yet.85

“I need an ambulance to come to Cheney High School to pick up a suicidal girl. She threatens her own life with razors that have been cutting into her arms for almost two years; she has been a patient before, and we just can’t handle her here,” Carrie mimicked a man’s voice. Then, she walked back to Mr. Anderson’s office and sat in the chair opposite him.86

“The ambulance will be here within five minutes,” She said, blank faced.87

“Good, I guess you don’t need me to pick up your messes anymore when you can mimic my voice,” he said as his face hardened, “Sit at the table until they call you in,” he finished as he heard the sirens of the ambulance pulling into the bus loop.88

“Thank fucking-God they’re here” She sighed.89

“Come on, let me guide your suicidal ass to the ambulance before commotion starts” He said, resentment of the Suicidal Girl and her little attitude.90

He grabbed her arm tightly and walked at a fast pace down the corridor and into the foyer where the medics, and surprisingly Seth, stood also.91

“We got her from here,” said the husky policeman.92

“Damn, I thought you’d never get here,” she addressed the officers, “And Seth, why’re you here?” she asked, her eyes wandering around for an explanation93

“I have to sign you into the hospital and make sure you’re okay,” Seth said, being the only eighteen year-old that had any real connection to Carrie.
Carrie looked skeptical, but followed the officers and Seth into the back of the ambulance and smiled to herself as they drove away from the school. The husky officer took out a pair of hand cuffs and frisked her for any weapons she might have. They found none, of course; they were all at home in Carrie’s sock drawer or in the knife block in the small kitchen of her and her mom’s apartment. But her mom was never home, and never checked on her to see if she was okay. Her mom, Cindy Anne, might as well have gone into the army on a dangerous trip, and sent automatic bills to be paid while she was gone. That was what it felt like to Carrie, having to live all by her lonesome, with the exception of Seth coming over from time to time. Carrie had all the time in the world to herself, and she didn’t enjoy one moment of it, considering the fact that she had nothing to do but homework, reading, and listening to music, if you don’t count the time she spent cutting herself, or mutilating her own body. It was ridiculous how much she could muster in a day along with those aching pains of loneliness. 94

The doors of the ambulance opened up, and morning light shocked Carrie’s vibrant green eyes, making them contract and dilate when they got used to the brightness. She walked out clumsily, and her tired body was held up by the strength of Seth and the husky officer while the young light, female officer opened the door, and replaced Seth, to have Carrie signed in.95

“What is your relation to the patient?” the nurse at the desk asked.96

“I’m her adoptive brother,” Seth lied, showing no account of it either.97

“Can the patient testify this?” She questioned.98

“Yupp, she can.” He answered with a level head.99

“Alrighty then, I will have her put in SW Room number 43”100

“Thanks” he finally responded as the officers and Seth walked Carrie to her room.101

“…I had been in here before, and the cushioned walls were like iron spikes, puncturing my brain. You have no idea what isolation does to a person. And you thought I was crazy. I was not a lunatic and I may not have absolute proof that I was a great kid, but I always did push myself beyond the limits of my mental horizons. I guess you could call me an explorer in a sense…”102

The room was fluffy and soft, Carrie assumed that the crazy people liked soft things, but only sharp pointy objects could quench her undying thirst for disaster. In the center of the room, there was a padded desk and padded chair, for protection and extra comfort. Any supplies such as pens and pencils in this room had to be given to the patient by a doctor or nurse, and the patient had to be supervised while doing so. If a suicidal attempt occurred during this use of utensils, then none would be used until the Suicide Watch was over.103

“… I was always a good girl in that room, able to convince the doctors that I was alright by not trying to hurt myself in that room. I didn’t see how other people could be stuck in there for weeks, al because they wanted to die so badly that they couldn’t wait to get home first. But I knew better. I knew not to be a dumb ass and get myself in trouble…”104

Carrie sat at the desk and leaned on the flat surface bringing her face to her palms, always looking down on the invisible world she saw. She felt like a deity in her powerful reign over invisible and nonexistent beings. The movie played in her mind over and over as she watched the tiny people be burned to death by her anger, and scorched by her tears. She pressed the lighted orange button for nurse assistance.105

“Can I get some paper and a pencil please?” Carrie asked nicely106

“Yes, hun, but you have to promise to be good.” 107

“I’m always good.”108

“Okay, then, I will be right back with that paper and the pencils”109

She walked out of the room, and locked the door behind her.
“Standard procedure,” Carrie said to herself. She was not trusted here, but there was no reason to trust her when she was admitted to the Looney bin.110

The nurse came back with the sheaf of papers and a small box of pencils, with no sharpener, of course. Again, it was the standard procedure of the SW unit. Carrie was so used to the standard procedure that she knew the whole procedure better than some of the starting nurses.111

“Thanks,” Carrie said as she took a piece of paper and a pre-sharpened pencil. She brought the pencil to the paper and started to write incomprehensible words in what seemed to be a random order:112

To kiem so fara le tuum… sari tu capa por tari anom… Centaurian to skimikar taki un po…113

Carrie wrote shyly, knowing she was being watched carefully. She made up her own language, and only one other person would know the meaning of the words when they got her letter. She continued writing, asking for a new pencil every time the tip dulled.114

… sami kar to san pre patori sui chop homea sliciae…115

“What is it exactly you are writing there, Miss Rudebaker?” the nurse asked, almost enthused at the nonsensical babble that Carrie was writing.116

“My name is Carrie, you know, you can call me by my first name. Everyone here knows me by name.” Carrie said, hoping the new nurse caught on to her train of thought.117

Tomb paka e torium policicall koru um Atari kum arre. Pares in to nag ate un gas ape…118

“Oh, I see, I’m so sorry Carrie, is there anything else I can do for you before my shift is over?”119

“Yes, you can get me a new pencil.”120

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •121

Carrie was given dinner at five o’clock that consisted of Mac ‘N’ Cheese with a little catsup sauce, broccoli, sliced peaches in light syrup, and a piece of good quality sausage with a carton of milk. The hospital had known her for a long time and known that her favorite meal was one of Mac ‘N’ Cheese with ketchup, broccoli, her favorite vegetable, peaches, and her favorite Italian sausage. She brought the first bite of Mac to her lips and smelt the cheese and ketchup before eating it. She hadn’t eaten a quality meal such as this one since her last time in the hospital a year ago. Carrie was so used to eating Top Ramen for a living and having the boring school food on week days. The milk was chocolate, her favorite because the white milk was always too watery, and the strawberry milk was just as revolting as watching someone throw up; something that anyone who drank the milk would do.122

After dinner, Carrie was transferred to the bedroom of her enclosure, where there was a baby monitor with a camera lens, a bed with soft fluffy blankets, and two very big fluffy pillows for the utmost comfort. As the nurse escorted her and tucked her in, she wondered why she couldn’t live like this every day; then she remembered why she was in the unit, and she knew that she would have a psychiatric exam every morning at ten o’clock until the Suicide watch was over. Then a pulsemeter would be attached to her ankle for a week, so the doctors could make sure she was not going to commit suicide as soon as she got home. The routine was becoming monotonous. She focused on any particular pattern in the ceiling that she could find until her eyes became tired and didn’t want to stay open any longer. Carrie’s energy was weeping away along with her security of going back to Seth better than she came in. She finally shut her watering eyes, and drifted off into dreaming.123

Carrie opened her eyes and got up from the bed from hearing a strange noise in the other side of the enclosure. She peered through the door and saw a black figure, robed and blank faced. The bony grey fingers beckoned Carrie into the room and she took small steps, almost horrified at what she saw.124

“It’s okay darling, you shall be with me soon enough” a raspy voice broke over the lipless face.125

“What? Who are you?” Carrie asked the creature, scrunching her eyebrows confusedly.126

“I am Death my dear, and I know that you want to hide yourself in the folds of my robes, but you will have to wait until the boy has gained faith in you.”127

“That’s just wrong. Seth always has had faith in me, no matter how bad things have gotten” Carrie responded defensively.128

“Then why do you want to come with me? Why not just run off with the boy?” the raspy voice inquired.129

“Because! He is the only one who gives a shit, and that isn’t enough!” Carrie yelled as her throat dried quickly.130

“You want a taste of Death dear, come taste my robes. Just touch them once”131

Carrie walked over the Death and reached out to touch the robes, but Death vanished, and she heard mumbling voices above her. She closed her eyes tightly and then opened them to see a doctor above her, mumbling to a nurse.132

This is going to be a long night, she thought to herself as she looked at the electronic clock that read “12:04 AM”. She rolled her eyes and closed them again, waiting for the nightmares to return. 133

She awoke at “8:00 AM” and sat up in her bed. She wished she could listen to music, but protocol didn’t allow it. Therefore, she didn’t ask. She stretched, raising her arms high above her head, pushing them behind her to stretch her shoulder muscles. Then she brought her right arm across her chest and pulled, stretching the tough tendons and triceps muscle, she did the same with the other arm. Carrie knew that in an hour, she would have to take a psychiatric exam. She remembered the last one she took, and she tended to like the written exam better than the verbal because she didn’t like confrontation of any serious sort. She lay back on her bed, arms crossed behind her head, thinking about Seth, and how great it will be to be back in his arms after so long. She wanted to feel the warmth of his rough, tough exterior against her soft, smooth skin, just loving her more than ever. Carrie reached down on the side of the bed and found a pair of “surgery socks” given to every patient in the hospital. She pulled them on her warm toes, and got up from her bed, made it carefully, and rearranged the pillows back to their original position. Even though, she knew that a nurse would be in at noon to change the sheets as part of the hospital sanitation.134

She walked out into the larger area of her room, and sat in the comfy chair, having nothing to do, and wanting to go back to bed. She pressed the glowing orange button on the desk, and waited for a nurse to come in.135

“Good morning, Carrie,” Old Bathilda, the eldest of the nurses, who knew Carrie well.136

“Good Morning B!” She responded. Carrie loved that old woman and wished that her own mother would act just like her.137

“What can I get you dearie?” Bathilda asked in a motherly tone.138

“Can I have something to do? I am quite lonely in here… I need something to do…”139


“Well, would you like to take a walk with me, that is, if I can trust you with that responsibility,” she joked. Old Bathilda knew Carrie well, and knew that she wasn’t a really bad kid, she just had problems, and no one knew how to help her.140

“That sounds good, some fresh air would be nice compared to this,” Carrie said, sighing with relief.141

Carrie hooked her thin, scabby arm with Old Bathilda’s baggy and more rotund arm. They walked out the locked door with the swipe of Old B’s key card; and they were out, walking around and visiting the patients. This was the finest thing that Carrie had done in a long time. She felt the tingle of endorphins through her fingers and toes as she skipped along. Before they had visited all the rooms, Bathilda looked at the clock that read “8:56 AM”. So she led Carrie back into her room and sat her down before the Psychiatrist came in.142

“Well hello, Miss…Rudebaker,” The Psychiatrist said.143

“You can call me Carrie or Car if you like sir, it’s not like I favor my own last name any more than you do.”144

“Okay, Miss Carrie, would you like to take the verbal test or the written exam?” The psychiatrist said in an annoying but strangely calm and smooth tone.145

“The written please,” Carrie said, making sure to keep a cool head about psychiatrists, knowing that any motional change can cause them to fail the patient’s exam.146

“All right, here you go,” He said, handing her a small package of papers.147

“Thanks,” she said, while looking down at the questions.148

Boy, these people haven’t changed their test, the stupid gits, she thought to herself.149

Answer the following questions as accurately as possible:150

In the last thirty days, have you151

Drank alcohol? Yes.152

Actively taken drugs? Nope.153

Actively caused self harm/ mutilation? Yes.154

Actively participated in smoking habits? Nope.155

“… Do the questions ever stop? I don’t know how many times I had to fill out those damn things, and they think that they must ask if I am a high, smoking, sadomasochistic lesbian… what the hell? …”156

Actively participated in sexual events? Yes.157

Actively participated in homosexual activity? Nope, not toady, maybe you should ask again tomorrow. Oh, wait, you will!158

Carrie hated these kinds of questions, but it was better than answering them out loud. She read over the rights she had as a patient, signed the letter of confidentiality, and handed the packet back to the psychiatrist.159

“Carrie, are you aware that you skipped the suicide questions?”160

“Yes I am.”161

“So, may I ask why?”162

“Yep, you can.”163

“Well, then, why did you skip the suicide questions?”164

“I didn’t deem them as important as the sexual questions, because suicide is not at all arousing.” She was playing games, and the psychiatrist somehow didn’t catch on to that. She swayed her head to the side, letting her copper hair fall over her pallid ivory skin.165

“Your sarcasm, dear, is not exactly the answer I wanted.”166

“Well, it’s the answer you got from me,” Carrie said, chomping on a piece of chewing gum from Old B. She popped the gum deliberately and just stared at him.167

The psychiatrist, by the name of Skankers, James Skankers, walked into his cold, empty office, and looked though Carrie’s answers.168

“Damn, that girl is a smart ass,” he said to himself. This girl had obviously been there before, and he took her quick sense of humor into consideration when evaluating Carrie’s psych report.169

“If she is not just a normal smart assed teen, then she has dysthymia, a low grade, long lasting depression that can be controlled on infant doses of anti-depression medication.
But the effects of the meds can trigger suicidal thoughts, and chances are Carrie will follow through with those thoughts…” Skankers told Carrie’s physician.170

“Then I think it is for the best that we keep her off the medication and introduce her to anti-stress coping mechanisms such as writing, exercising, etc,” said the physician.171

“I am in full compliance, Dr. Freedmeyer,” Skankers said, picking up the paperwork and heading out the door with Carrie to report.172

Carrie’s eyes darted from edge to edge of the room, looking for the figure from her dream. I know you’re here somewhere, she thought to herself. So concentrated on her thoughts, she didn’t hear the door unlock and open. She jumped at the sound of Freedmeyer’s voice.173

“You okay, Carrie,” Freedmeyer said calmly.174

“Yeah, I’m fine…” Carrie responded, surprised that she didn’t hear the door open.175

“We have your results and Mr. Skankers pointed out the very likely chance that you have a disease called dysthymia, that is a low power, long term depression that usually lasts anywhere from two to ten years.”176

Carrie nodded, and Skankers picked up the rolling ball. “As long as you have something to do that is a positive stress reliever, we won’t have to put you on anti-depression medication. Now, what are your favorite things to do?” He asked, having a pen and paper handy to write down suggestions.177

She thought for a moment. What did make her really happy and could tide her away from hurting herself? “I like to write and draw. I mean, it’s not like Thomas Kinkade or anything, but it helps lengthen the time span between my episodes,” She finally replied after a moment of thought. 178

“Is there enough supplies at your home to accommodate your writing and drawing desires?” Freedmeyer broke in at this time. It was so like him to be too worried about the welfare of his patients.179

“I think there is, but if not, I can go to the store and get some… I’ll ask some money from my mother, or get a job,” Carrie shrugged, she didn’t mind accommodating to their suggestions if it got her home sooner.180

“Well, we don’t want you to stress it and not have anything to vent through, so I will give you some paper, and every time you run out, I want you to call me, or Bathilda, and we will get over as soon as we can with more,” Dr. Freedmeyer offered, wanting nothing but happiness to flow through the troubled girl’s veins like they did when she was much younger.181

Most people in Cheney knew each other, it was a small town, with a variety of people, all who would be met within the first year one would move there. It was not hard to make friends, because the people there were so welcoming. Carrie had lived there her whole life, with Seth, being her neighbor for her first eight years of school, moved about ten miles away and came to see her as often as his parents would let him. They were in the same grade, and they enjoyed many of the same things.182

Seth walked up the step to the little apartment he knew Carrie hated to call “home”, plucked his copy of the key out of his jeans’ pocket, and inserted the little mechanism into the lock, turning the tumblers and finally opening the door.183

He plopped his backpack, filled with clothes and personal hygiene products on the floor in the living room area, and made his way into the bedroom where he turned the stereo on to a country station, and laid on Carrie’s bed, relaxing and feeling better that he was just in her house, a step closer than being in his own home. He raised an arm and smelt underneath, making a very sour face. He shot up and walked to the living room, grabbed his personal hygiene products, and headed to the bathroom to take a hot shower.184

The heat felt soothing on Seth’s back, while he poured a bit of shampoo into his hand and slathered the top of his head. He grabbed his Axe® body wash, and squirted a large globule into his hand, and started to massage it into his skin, making it smell like Carrie’s favorite cologne, in which he had a matching set of. He rinsed the shampoo out of his slick hair, and applied a scant amount of hair cream, or better known as conditioner; but who likes that as a word for something so amazing. He rinsed out the conditioner after a few minutes, and turned off the almost scalding water, and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel from the towel rack, and dried himself off with it. He walked out in his towel to his bag of clothes, and heard his cell phone beep twice.185

Seth took out a pair of boxers, put them on, and checked his phone.186

“Seth, I got out early on ‘good behavior’ talk to ya in a bit, I’ll call when I get home! <3, Carrie”187

He didn’t text back and knew that if he didn’t have a good excuse for it, that he would get his ass reamed. But he still went to the bedroom and laid on the bed, thinking of the best way to surprise his best friend for an unexpected home coming. He racked his brains, and then thought of the perfect idea.188

I know, I will hide my stuff in the bathroom and when she comes home, I will surprise her and give her the night of her life! , he thought to himself. That would be the perfect thing. He knew her better than anyone else, and changed the stereo to some soft jazz that he knew she would enjoy coming home to. He heard step coming up the steps, and he turned off the bedroom light, and hid in the bathroom, door closed, and light on.189

Carrie walked up the steps to her apartment, and took out her key, and noticed something was wrong. The door was locked when I left it yesterday morning, what the fuck happened now? , she thought, not even pondering that Seth may have forgotten to lock the door if he had come by. She took her key back out, replaced it in her right back pocket of her skinny jeans, and opened the already unlocked door of her so called “home”. Now, she knew something was amiss. She looked around the small apartment, and noticed nothing out of place, but heard a quiet jazz tune playing, coming from her bedroom stereo. She quietly walked toward it and flipped the switch. The room was empty. There had to someone here, because she also noticed that the bathroom light was on.190

Seth sat crouched and heard Carrie come in. He slowly stood and waited, but no more footsteps were heard. So he crept to the door, and opened it, Carrie’s back to the door.191

“Hey stranger!” he called out, making Carrie jump terribly.192

“Wha- oh, it’s just you,” Carrie gasped, almost screaming. “What in the fuck are you doing here? You scared me half to death!”193

“Ummmm, I wanted to show you something,” Seth said, looking down at his large feet.194

“And what did you want to show me?” Carrie asked confused at seeing Seth in nothing but a pair of white and blue striped boxers.195

“This” and he pulled her close to him and placed his lips on her softly, trying not to overstep any boundaries. He turned his head to the side and opened his mouth, letting his tongue trace her perfectly plump lips over and over until she opened he mouth also, giving way to the twisting and intertwining of their tongues, both of their chests thumping hard from the sudden exposure. Carrie wrapped her arms around Seth’s abdomen and clasped her hands together in a zipper like fashion. He put his arms around her neck and pulled her against his warm chest, letting her listen to his beating heart. Their lips parted with sweet sorrow, and she rested her head on his hairless chest just listening to the thump-thump thumping of his heart, syncopating with his lungs, heaving and collapsing, heaving and collapsing. Her eyes felt drowsy and felt as it gravity has just had a power surge, not able to keep them open for more than ten seconds. She drifted away from consciousness and dropped into a ditch, a deep crevice in the center of the earth where fire reigned. Flames licked up her bare legs, like an excited dog does when the owner comes home. The fire welcomed her home as though she had been gone for years, but she knew that she only left for two days. Carrie’s mind was buzzing as she twitched in her sleep, her legs moving around trying to escape invisible fire. The hooded figure from the hospital appeared before her, breathing heavily at her, reaching out for her gored arms.196

“Daughter, is this exactly what you want to do for the rest of your afterlife? Being licked up by the flames of your soul?” The raspy voice asked as the flames intensified, reaching her up to her flat abdomen, unclothed and pale as milk. Her skin felt hot, but the skin did not burn or peel or melt. It was unscathed, the heat was only triggered by her mind, and nothing could induce her to awake from the terror that was set before her. Carrie closed her eyes tightly as the burning crawled to her chest, and she screamed at the top of her lungs, trying to free herself from the restraints of her own mind.197

Seth moved uncomfortably as Carrie tossed and turned in her sleep. Her breathing became harsher, and he started to worry.198

“Carrie, you okay?”199

Carrie then heard a smooth voice over her own screaming. She recognized the sound and tried to follow it, hearing it from behind her; she turned around from Death and started walking over the hot coals now in front of her. Taking small and quick steps, she crossed the bed of coals quicker than she thought. She listened again for the voice.200

“Carrie! Carrie!”201

She walked toward the old, large and rusty door, one she hadn’t seen in a dream since her childhood, before her parents divorced. She stood before the door, hearing the welcoming voice again beckoning her to open the forbidden door to reality. Her hand latched onto the old fashioned door, like the ones in old houses in places like France and Germany. She pressed down with her thumb on the latch, and pushed the heavy door open, closing her eyes and opening them again, finding Seth in front of her, shaking her shoulders.202

Seth noticed that Carrie opened her eyes and he stopped shaking her.203

“Carrie, are you alright?” Seth asked, his breathing was heavy and ragged, his face was wet and he had been crying.204

Carrie looked around and shut her eyes tight, and opened them again.205

“Now I am,” Carrie whispered, wondering how bad it was before she woke up. She reached up around his neck and kissed him on the lips.206

“… I remembered that day like no other I had ever lived. You were so close to me, and always looking out for me. I’m sorry that I had to do this, but I couldn’t live with everything I had to deal with. I couldn’t go through the rest of my life knowing that I had betrayed your trust and completely lost myself to a life of misery before I had to lose you too…”207

Seth stripped off her shirt slowly, button by button, being as sensual and careful as possible. Once the shirt was off, he unclasped her jeans, and pulled them down her legs, again, being very careful not to go too fast. And there she had lain on the bed, in only her frilly lingerie. He threw her clothes to the side of the bed, and crawled back up to her, wrapping his warm arms around her cold abdomen. He brought his thin lips to her large and perfectly plump ones, and pressed his against them. Her lips were moist, and amazingly soft. He let his tongue roam the outline of her lips again, and she opened her mouth as if it were the opening to a secret cave. A place where only his pleasures mixed with hers could make the night as magical as it was. Seth slowly pulled down his boxers, and pulled them off his body, and pulled the covers over the both of their chilled bodies, trying to keep up with the heat of the moment. He placed his warm hand over her frilly pink underwear and tucked a finger under the elastic. He felt her body tense up, and he continued kissing her while working her panties down to her ankles. Seth pulled himself over and on top of Carrie, holding himself above her with his upper arm strength. He adjusted his hips and set a pillow under Carrie’s tight ass, and he entered her tight vagina, slowly, one inch as a time.208

Carrie tensed again as Seth pushed his length into her slowly. She had never had sex before, and she knew that it would hurt the first time. She tried to hold her breath to lessen the pain, but it only intensified as he thrust his long shaft in and out of her, slowly at first, then his pace quickened. Carrie’s breathing became heavier and shortened, the intensity of the moment catching up to them. Seth felt himself coming to a peak, and he released his hot white fluid into her vaginal cavity. The pressure of the liquid inside her excited her. Seth kept pumping his shaft in and out of her until she felt a pressure going from the inside out. She was coming. She unintentionally held her breath as fluid lubricated her insides and leaked out onto the bed in a milky white substance. Seth pulled himself out of Carrie and replaced his long shaft with his index finger. Slowly he pushed his finger in, and pulled it out, quickening with every motion. She came again, and he pulled his finger out, and moved it to her chest, where he massaged her nipples, that were hardening with every light touch. She moaned with pleasure as he pinched her nipples softly. Slowly, she sat up and reached for Seth’s shaft, still hard and erect. She touched it softly, and then started stroking up and down the entire length, the long length becoming redder. Carrie held on to the end and played with the tip with her thumb, rubbing it in circles, exciting him even more so than before. Seth kept massaging Carrie’s breasts until she stood up from the bed, explaining that she had to go to the bathroom. He waited a few moments, and she came back out, ready for adventure. He lay down on the bed, and tilted his head back, catching his breath. Then he felt an arousal from his penis, Carrie’s mouth almost touching it, breathing softly on it. She took the tip of his shaft into her mouth, and played with it with her tongue. Carrie knew he was enjoying it, and she knew he wouldn’t want it to stop, so she slid a little more of the red stick into her mouth, sucking on it like a baby does a nipple. She bit down softly, and he moaned. Then she pulled it out of her mouth and flipped onto the bed so that her moist pussy was right above his mouth, and his penis below her mouth. She took a few inches into her mouth and played with her tongue. She lowered her other end onto Seth’s face, and he stuck out his tongue and played with her clit, making her as tense as he was at the moment. She released his hard cock and lifted her wet pussy from Seth’s mouth.209

“Let’s go take a shower,” she said, panting from the exercise.210

“Okay,” Seth responded, and followed Carrie into the bathroom, and turned on the water.211

“You first, Carrie” Seth said, not taking his eyes off her ass as she pulled open the curtain.212

Seth followed behind her and grabbed her around the waist and spun her into his chest, binging up her chin and kissed her.213

“You’re amazing,” He commented between breaths. “I do not know why we didn’t ever do this before.”214

“Because you thought I was the crazy girl no one would sleep with,” Carrie joked as she pulled away and stepped fully into the hot stream of water, pouring onto her sweaty body. She took and pouf and rubbed the bar soap against it, making a frothy lather, and placing the bar down, started scrubbing her body with the lathery pouf.215

“Need some help with that?” Seth asked provocatively. He softly took the pouf from her grasp and started rubbing her down with it, his other hand rubbing with it every now and again. He rubbed around her breasts as she lifted her arms above her head, giving him more room to work. He worked his way down to her lower back, and he poked the pouf between her legs, ticking her terribly. Carrie took the pouf from Seth and started scrubbing his body, slowly and sensually, covering every part of him in a soapy lather. They both rinsed off and embraced under the hot, steamy water pouring down their backs. After the lather was completely off their slick bodies, Seth turned off the hot water, and stepped out of the shower to grab them a couple towels. He took out a green, foliage colored towel, and gave Carrie a pink and black striped towel that she had for two years. She and Seth wrapped themselves in the brightly patterned towels that absorbed the drips of water clinging to their skin.216

They walked out together into the living room, Seth made a beeline to the closet to change into some pajamas, while Carrie walked to her dresser, finding a comfy pair of black sweats from Cheney High School apparel, and a grey, form fitting tank top to match. She walked out of the bedroom, and sat on their old but extremely plush and comfy couch, reminding her of that little kid’s show from the ‘90s called “Big Comfy Couch” where an insane woman finds the most ridiculous items in her couch, like a cat, a slice of old pizza, socks, and a large clock, obviously too big to have been “accidentally” dropped through the cushions. This woman would talk to the viewer and have them try to help her tell time, and identify which cat, which was obviously the black and white one with a dot on his chest, was hers that she found in the couch.217

Carrie sat, waiting for the next few minutes while Seth tried to get his clothes on. She pulled her feet up, and they surpassed the other arm of the couch. Laying on the couch at an incline, she put her hands behind her head, crossing them, supporting her like a pillow. Seth walked out in a pair of guy’s pajama pants, and a wife beater’s tank top. Carrie slung her legs over to the floor, so Seth could sit down on the other end. He pulled a blanket off the back of the couch, and laid it over the both of their feet. Carrie pulled herself over to Seth, laying her head down on his side. He turned his sculpted body to the side so that Carrie’s head lay on his chest, letting her hear the thump – thump – thumping of his morally corroded heart, matching in beat with her equally shattered heart, her breathing slowed to a syncopated pace, lining up exactly the opposite of Seth’s. As she breathed in, Seth exhaled, letting out all stress and excitement from earlier in the day. Carrie grabbed Seth’s hand and held on while drifting out of consciousness. Her head fled to the crevices of her mind, poking and prodding at will. Swirls of dark ribbon and smudges of blood created the bridge between her world and reality. But her thoughts were not romantic ones. They always called for three important ingredients for an always changing, never duplicated recipe for ultimate disaster, each recipe out doing the last. Carrie crossed the delicate bridge, standing on her tip toes for the best balance. As she stepped on the opposing side of the bridge, the ground turned red hot under her delicate and soft feet. She jumped in reaction, and spun around to return to the bridge, but a flame had erupted from the middle of the tassels and started to burn the ribbon swirls. Looking around with no where to run, she spotted Death, from her other two nightmares. Carrie’s eye twitched as Death stepped closer and closer, causing her to start panicking from the heat on her feet, and the suppressing feeling around her nose and mouth, blocking her breathing. Death stood right in front of her, noiselessly gesturing toward her hands, beckoning her to touch the robes. She lifted a finger toward the silky robes, and passed through them as if they were an apparition. The robes neither felt hot or cold, having no temperature, and the silky look of the robes was a façade in itself. The passing through of Death’s robes left her hand scathed and torn, as if razor blades were hidden in the plush folds. She grabbed her hand in agony, the tearing of the fibers of her being, being washed away by blackened tears. Any love that her heart felt, melted rapidly under the pressure of Death, like melting butter in a convection oven. Death stained her heart and veins, turning them into very deep, dark ebony – black. Her heart became sluggish and pumped very slowly, muddling her brain, making her movements slow and a little less than deliberate.218

“You see how it is to feel Death creeping upon you, now, child, do you still hope to die the same way your secret desires beg of you for?” Death’s raspy voice broke over her burdened breathing, hoarse and corrosive, as Death’s poison flooded and corroded her heart.219

“Fuck you!” Carrie spattered, blackened blood clots shot from her mouth as she yelled. Her voice faded out into a rough cough. Streams of thick black tears covered her rotting face. A sweat broke over her entire body as she stood on the achingly hot ground. She shut her eyes tightly and thought of Seth. Power flooded her head, filling it with a bright light, blinding her as she opened her eyes.220

Seth had a flashlight in his hand and flipped the switch into the “ON” position, shining it into Carrie’s face, trying to get her to respond to the bright light.221

“What the…” Carrie said as she opened her eyes to the bright light of the blinding flashlight. Her clothes were cold and wet, clinging to her sweaty body. “Fuck…” she said as she suddenly sensed the wetness of her entire body. A little more than embarrassed while lying on Seth, sweating like a pig.222

“It’s alright, it’s about five, let’s get you out of these clothes and warm you up a bit. I think a bath could do you some good. I’ll go start the bath water.”223

Carrie scrunched her eyebrows down into a confused scowl, trying to peel the wet clothes off of her slender body. She threw the clothes to the side and wrapped herself in a dry blanket, waiting for Seth to come get her into the hot, steamy bath.224

“Thank God you don’t have school today!” Seth called from the bathroom, pouring a scant amount of lavender scented bubble bath syrup into the heated water. He walked out and pulled Carrie into his arms, blanket and all, and brought her into the bathroom, stripped her of the blanket, and lifted her small frame into the bath. The hot water shocked her nerves, and then calmed down, relaxing to the scent of lavender and the temperature of the water, soaking into her tense muscles.225

Seth’s hands placed themselves on Carrie’s shoulders, and felt for the many knots that spotted her entire back. He found two, and started massaging, trying to pry the knot loose enough for the hot water to finish. Carrie let out a soft sigh as she felt the intensity of her pain weakened, closing her eyes, and breathing in the sensually enticing scent of lavender into her spent lungs.226


Chapter Three: Carrie Embarks On the “Beaten” Path227

Carrie awoke from her sleep, noticing that Seth had left, and left her a note on the small kitchen counter.228

“Hey Hun, sorry I couldn’t stay longer, but my mom called while you were asleep and wanted me at the house. I will come back to check on you though, keep yourself out of trouble, okay?
With amazing love, yours truly,
Seth”229

Carrie read and reread the letter several times before placing it back down on the counter, and starting up some coffee, breaking out a package of new paper from Bathilda and the Doc, and compiling a collection of drawings and writings before the coffee pot rung telling her that the coffee was ready to pour. She got up from her seat on the couch, and walked over to the cupboard, grabbing out a large, blue and white polka dotted mug, decorated with a personalized greeting that her aunt, now dead, had given to her as a child. It read: “Just a cup o’ Joe will wash down your worries and your woe” She would say that every morning for the week during the summers that Carrie spent with her. The dark brown liquid fell out of the pot, and poured into the mug. The sugar jar was always next to the coffee pot for obvious reasons. She spooned in three spoonfuls of sugar, and a splash of milk, stirred the concoction, and took a long, drawn out sip. The almost nutty taste of her coffee filled her mouth and lungs with a calming scent, causing her to close her eyes for a moment, and breathed deeply into her mug.230