Hymn to Aphrodite

For Aphrodite, I compose:
She rose from mighty sea as rose
Was carried to the shore on foam
By waves which in Aegean roam
So gaily was she welcomed then
By hours and gods and mortal men1

Exquisite neck and silver breasts
Were burdened with fine golden crests
Perfect and jocund and sublime
Garmented by the gods of time
And crowned with perfect crown of gold
Which men of greatest skills had mold2

Thus crowned and loved and cherished her
They, with all heart, had carried her
To stature highest of its kind
Love and beauty intertwined
Love and beauty, bound in her
These charms, in her, they all concur3

I am a priest in her temple
This one way touch is just ample
To keep my burning passions warm!
Her beauty is her greatest charm
Her greatest charm has conquered me!
Just once I wish if I could see!4

In dreams, everyday I see her
In every poem, I portray her
"But still my soul insatiate!"
Each passing moment I just hate
My heart, I can not satisfy
My mind, all lovers' rules defy!5

One day, my greatest wish came true!
She stepped in front of me from hue!
My eyes betrayed me, not looked up!
She offered me her golden cup!
My head, it bowed, my hands trembled!
My heart, overjoyed! thoughts all scrambled!6

From golden cup, I drank nectar
And thus was rendered immortal!
Then I looked up to her and saw
Exquisite beauty! not a flaw!
I knew I would wish no thing more!
Her presence was all I would adore!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • DanceTheNightAway
    November 16
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    absolutely beautiful! i adore the roman/greek gods and you got aphrodite down perfectly! i loved the flow and the style. you have a way with words. it was fantastic!


  • Serenity Blackheart
    November 16
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    Edit | Reply
    *jaw dropps* hooooooooooly crap. That was unbelievable. Not only did it rhym, but.... its meaning was so clear as if it was written in a paragraph of a story. Not everyone can do that. I like the extensive vocab. It had an amazing good flow. The only other time I saw someone write like that was in the Illiad by Homer. xD Great job. Thanks for entering my contest! ^^ Best of luck.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    November 7

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    This is a superb poem with a great flow and rhyme. The only thing I noticed that seemed a little off was in the last stanza- nectar and immortal didn't rhyme (like the rest of your rhyme scheme showed that they should have)- however, I barely noticed that, and it didn't disrupt the flow. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't had read the poem twice. (I read it twice because I liked it so much )

    Great work Keep writing This is a wonderful poem and I look forward to reading more!

    Pixie


    • Onomarith
      November 7
      Edit | Reply
      thnx for appreciating so much! The problem in last stanza is really disturbing me and I am trying to fix it, but my mind is too lazy right now to think about it.


  • Farhan gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply

    Really Superb!

    I am honored to have such an entry in my contest. I really can't believe that you wrote it for me. You have made me speechless. The flow, the rhyme, the rhythm, the idea, the versification, all were just perfect. I can't see a single flaw. As the poem progressed, it was sorta gripping me and like a tempo rising, making me love it more and more. This is one of the hell of poems. I think best on Story Write. And I think that there is no need to mention that you are in finalists.
    Thanks for giving me such an exceptional poem to read. I am looking forward to see more work from you. Happy Writing in the future and good luck in the contest.
    Farhan.

    • Onomarith
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      The comment is very very flattering. you should think critically which does not mean that you only find errors but also what SPECIFICALLY you found interesting/noteworthy...like the structure or the use of certain metaphor or the utilization of certain verdict to simulate an environment...like in this poem, the poet doesn't look at Aphrodite until he becomes immortal. This is because here I have utilized a myth which dictates that any mortal looking directly to Aphrodite was converted to stone by the aforementioned goddess.
      and thnx for appreciating so much!

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