Asylum

I sat backwards in the pickup as we pulled away from the asylum, watching as the dust was kicked up from the dirt road and thrown into the Kansas sunset. I looked over at the tiny bag of belongings sitting to my right. This was all I had left of my old life. This is all I would have with me as I closed one horrible phase of my life and looked to the next. I turned around, pulled my knees to my chest and sighed deeply, thinking back on the past months-horrible months- since the train accident. My mother always admonished me to never judge anyone- everyone has a story to tell. This is mine.1

……2

I was born Anna Renea Ross in 1917 to my parents Raymond and Evelyn. I had two older sisters and my twin brother: Amanda, Adele, and Alexander. Father was a tall skinny man, not very handsome, but he “had quick wit” according to my mother. He had a big smile, wheat colored hair and loving blue eyes. Mother was about average in both height and frame. She was very beautiful with her dark brown hair and grey eyes. She had dimples when she smiled and she smiled often. Amanda and I took after her, though I was gifted with my father’s height. Adele had light brown hair, was very short and frail with big doe eyes. Alexander took after my father in most everything, but his face was more oval like mother’s.3

For the first fourteen years of my life, all six of us lived in Canton, Ohio. My father was a businessman. He owned a clothing store and my mother designed the clothes that he sold. They had started out, just the two of them back before any of us were born. But before I could remember, the business and grown and become quite successful. My mother worked from home and sent the designs to the shop where my father had employed seamstresses to do the work. We lived a happy life surrounded by love and prosperity despite the Depression. That is, until one Sunday afternoon.4

We had just returned from church when father made the announcement. “We’re moving to California.”5

“What?” Amanda queried. “Why are we moving?”6

“There’s more opportunity to expand the business out there,” Father explained. “We’ll move to San Francisco. Our house overlooks the ocean…”7

Amanda cut him off. “You bought a house without saying anything to us?”8

“Amanda, that tone is unbecoming of a young lady,” Mother said quietly. “This is not your decision to make. This is what is best for the family.”9

“But mother! What about my friends, what about Adele’s friends, what about Anna and Alexander?”10

“It is not up for discussion,” Mother’s tone became more stern. “We are moving and that is the end of it. Besides, we will have the opportunity to visit my sister in Kansas. They will meet us in Topeka for a few days.” Amanda just bit her lip, rose to her feet and left the room. I was a bit excited despite having to leave my friends. I would get to see the ocean for the first time, and maybe meet some famous actresses I had seen in the movie theatres.11

Over the next month we packed up everything we owned, shipping trunks a little at a time ahead of us so that Father could start having things moved in. He went ahead of us to get things set up, but came back before the whole family left so he could be with us as we ventured out of Ohio for the first time. The trip started out uneventful and quiet-with the exception of Amanda’s pouting and crying. We had crossed the border into Kansas in the night hours and most of the train was asleep. I was kept awake with thoughts of how California would be. What would the people be like? How long would it be before I made friends? Was the ocean cold? What would the new house look like?12

My thoughts were interrupted by the high pitched screech of grinding steel. The car we were in tipped dangerously to the left. I screamed as the ground met the windows on the left side of the car. Glass shattered as I was flung across the aisle. I could feel shards tearing into my skin. Something had hit me in my right temple and I could feel the blood trickling down the side of my face. I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear whimpers and cries from other passengers.13

Alexander was pinned beneath me. I rolled off of him and screamed his name. “Wake up! The train has crashed!” I could smell smoke. “Alex, the train is on fire! Wake up!” He wouldn’t wake up. “Mother, Father, Amanda, Adele! Where are you?” No answer. I felt hand pulling on my shoulder, I spun around and slapped at the arm of some stranger.14

“Miss, the train is on fire! You have to come with me!” the stranger pleaded in urgency.15

“But my family…” I began to cry.16

“Someone will come back for them, but we have to get out now, while we still can.” I reluctantly followed the stranger, who climbed up through a busted window and reached down for me. I grabbed hold of his hands and he pulled me out of the train. Standing on top of the wreckage, I could see that most of the train had overturned and the cars before ours were aflame. The stranger jumped to the ground with a loud grunt and looked up at me. “Jump, I’ll catch you!”17

I took one last glance at the flames and jumped. Then all was dark.18

……19

My eyes slowly focused on the cheerful woman dressed in white at the foot of my bed. “Where…am I?” I asked.20

“You’re in Topeka, miss, in the hospital. You’ve suffered a terrible shock from that train accident. What is your name?”21

“Anna Ross,” I swallowed. “Where is my family?” 22

The nurse wrote down my name on a clipboard and hung it at the foot of the bed. “I will check to see if they’re here in the hospital. Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be fine,” she said cheerily. “Can you tell me your family’s names?”23

“Raymond and Evelyn. And my sisters are Amanda and Adele, my brother is Alexander.”24

The nurse smiled again. “I’ll find them right away.” She turned and left the room as I began a survey of my surroundings. The room was packed with children my age and younger. Most of them appeared to be sleeping, but the girl to my left was awake. She was covered in cuts and her arms were wrapped in gauze. 25

“Hi,” I said. “I’m Anna. Were you on the train?”26

The girl whimpered. “Yes.”27

“What is your name?”28

“Carrie. Carrie Coleman. We were moving to Colorado so pa could work in the mines,” tears rolled down her cheeks. “My pa is alive, but my ma didn’t make it. He got me out of the train but my arms got burned.”29

“I’m so sorry, Carrie. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”30

“No,” she said. “It was just me, my ma and my pa.”31

“I have two sisters and a twin brother. I don’t know if they are alive or not.”32

“I hope they are,” Carrie said. “I’m going to go back to sleep now.”33

Carrie rolled over and my thoughts turned to my family. Where were they? I shifted into a sitting position and looked around the room. None of the children in here looked like my sisters or brother. I fought a rising panic. “It’s okay,” I told myself. “There is probably not enough room to hold all of the people. They must be in another room.” I lay back down on my pillow and fell into a troubled sleep.34

I could see the whole accident happening again. But this time when I jumped off the overturned car, I watched as it burst into flames. “NO! NO! MOTHER! FATHER,” I screamed. I felt arms grabbing hold of me and pinning them down. I kept thrashing, trying to free myself and get back on the train. 35

“Anna, Anna calm down. You are just having a dream,” a voice broke through the haze and my eyes focused on the doctor and the nurse standing over me, each holding down one of my arms. 36

“Where’s my family,” I asked, my voice still quavering.37

The nurse’s blue eyes misted a little bit. She was the one who had been with me earlier. “I’m sorry, Anna. They’re on the list of the deceased.”38

“What do you mean?”39

“I mean they didn’t make it, honey. They’re dead. All of them”40

“No. No you are wrong. They are just in another hospital, right?” I didn’t know how many hospitals were in Topeka, Kansas, but there had to be more than one. There just had to.41

“I’m sorry Anna, but they are not. Your Aunt and Uncle are here. They have agreed to take care of you until you come of age,” the nurse said gently.42

“No…” I began to cry.43

The doctor turned to the nurse. “I’ll stay here while you get her relatives.” The nurse nodded slightly, turned and walked out of the room. Then the doctor turned his attention to me. He appeared to be in his 60’s, a grandfatherly type. “You’ve suffered quite a nightmare, Miss Ross. But you have no serious injuries. You ought to heal up just fine.” He patted my shoulder as the nurse entered the room with a shabby, yet dignified looking couple. Mother had come from a wealthy family, but her sister and her husband looked anything but. My uncle was about 6’4” with a balding head of brown hair. He was built and looked weathered, as though he had never been sheltered from a storm. My aunt was shorter than my mother, which made her tiny- about a foot shorter than her husband. Though small in height, one could tell she was as strong as any man. Deep lines crisscrossed her face. She looked stern, not carefree and loving as Mother had. Though they appeared not to have much in the way of money, they carried themselves and did their best to dress as though they were higher class.44

“This is Franz and Marie Schmidt,” the nurse smiled. “Your uncle and aunt.”45

Marie approached my bedside with a pained-looking smile. “You look so much like your mother. I’m glad to finally meet you.”46

“When can we bring her home?” asked Uncle Franz.47

“We will keep her one more night for observations,” the Doctor said. “You may pick her up anytime tomorrow.”48

Marie turned back to face me. “We must go to make arrangements for your parents, sisters and brother, as well as the arrangements to bring you home with us. We will be back tomorrow morning to pick you up.” She rose and joined her husband as they walked out the door. I began crying again. I didn’t want to have to see my family buried.49

“I’m so sorry, Anna,” Carrie mumbled. “But it seems that your aunt and uncle will take good care of you.”50

I knew her words should have comforted me, but they did not. I did not care how nice it was of them to take me in. They would never be my parents. She didn’t smile the way my mother did, he didn’t seem like he would laugh like my father or be good at making me laugh. No one would replace the special bond twins share. I could tell Alexander anything- even things I could not tell my sisters. I could always tell what he was thinking and he could do the same for me. Still, it must be hard for Carrie, too. “Yes. They will.” I said quietly. 51

I rolled over to my right so that I would not have to face Carrie anymore. The tears came then, but I kept them silent. I wanted no one to bother me right then, I just wanted to be alone with my sorrows.52