Fuck (Chapter Two)

Standing on the streets with a freshly polished PEZ dispenser, you learn a lot about the current state of humanity. You’ll see how the literacy rate in this nation is forced down by rising math curriculum and the invention and advances in technology of the cell phone. You’ll see how ignorant people can pass each other without taking notice of the other’s existence. You’ll see how artists and poets are shut out by the high demand for video games and mindless television programs. And the worst part is, you’ll realize that you’re just another one of these people. Nothing more than a nameless, faceless bastard, passing every other drifter without a word exchange.1

That night, I sold my Daffy Duck PEZ for two hundred-eighty dollars. I told the clients that it was the first model, with a suggested retail price of one-thousand dollars. I bought it at Wal-Mart, last Christmas for fifty cents. See, this is what I mean by the ignorant people, the ones who can actually be fooled by this shit. 2

Wilkos walks through the door and throws his briefcase on the recliner and takes off his jacket. He looks half dead and tired as hell. 3

“I take it the sale didn’t go over well?” I ask.4

“Well, I got it to the client and I got the money but then...”5

“But then?” 6

“But then the police came swarming in and they chased my ass for like, six hours!”7

“They gave up?” 8

“Nope, I’m pretty sure they’re still looking for me,” He looked around the room nervously, “We’ve gotta get the hell out of here dude.” 9

“Aw fuck!” I yell, “Not again dude!”10

“Yeah, again, dude!” He laughs, “Now fucking run!”11

“Shit!” I pick up my PEZ case, and follow Wilkos out the door. 12

Imagine you’re a pedestrian, just taking a nice evening stroll, you pass an apartment building. The door flies open, two men come running out in t-shirts, one carrying a briefcase full of PEZ dispensers, the other carrying a briefcase full of weed and homemade explosives. They are both crying out obscenities and flailing their arms wildly, the briefcases swinging viciously in the nervous fury. As these men are running scared, you see police cars turning the corner of the street and going after the men. Well, now you understand how Mrs. Buttersby felt that night as she walked her toy poodle down my old street. 13

So, cut back to my perspective. I am booking it as fast as my skinny legs will carry me, nearly crying from the burn. Wilkos sees a golden opportunity. So he grabs my arm and drags me into the bushes.14

“Dude!” I scream, “Where are we going?” 15

“Just close your eyes and brace yourself Dirk!” He shouts back to me. 16

I continue running as best as I can with the constant bombardment of branches. My legs pump, like a well oiled machine, I am a roaring beast until suddenly, I begin tripping on a lumpy slope, branches cracking branches beneath my feet. My knees feel a strange tenseness as I continue half falling, half running like a mad man. I open my eyes just to check, I’m on a steep hill headed straight towards a river. 17

“SHIT!” I yell, my guts up in my throat. 18

“This is it dude, when I say jump, JUMP!”19

“Got it!”20

“JUMP!” 21

I take a flying leap off the gravel and I am soon submerged in nearly freezing water. My body is taken back by the rushing current. I am scared. 22

“Let the water take you, dude!” Wilkos calls to me. 23

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I reply.24

“We’ll make it out of this, don’t worry. Me, you, and those goddamn PEZ dispensers.” 25

“Whatever you say!” 26

I am brought down by the under-toe, I feel like I’m going to die, I fade in and out of consciousness. I am like a buoy bobbing up and down out of the water. It is there that I lose my stream of thought and my mind goes blank.