Measly Mouse!

So I was staying in a friends house when I was informed that there was a cherry pie in the fridge. I'm not a big fan of cherry pie but since I had no one to cook for me I decided to go check out it out. As I walked into the kitchen, I spotted this hairy, little gray creature chewing on the microwave cord. "Oh hell no!" It was a wingless bat! I took off my shoe and threw it at the bastard! The little turd began running for the sink. I immediately grabbed what I could, grabbing a spatula, I began swatting, batting, and jabbing at this little measle! During my last swat, I ended up flinging it into the fridge. "Ah ha!" I thought to myself, "I will freeze it to death!" I immediately shut the fridge door and walked back into the living room to watch more "Firefly". A few hours later I got bored and decided to see what fate the little gutless bastard held. As I opened the fridge and began searching with my eyes, I noticed something very strange. Everything was as I left it, except.....the cherry pie! That whore of a mouse ate all the cherry pie and was now draped on top of the Banana Nut Crunch cereal with little mouse turds surrounding it as if it set a defensive perimeter. I would have my revenge on this nemesis of mine. No one or nothing eats my cherry pie without suffering the wrath of the almighty Vitch! I immediately grabbed the lemon juice and squirt it in the little guy's eyes. As he let out a shriek of pain, I grabbed the ketchup and squirt it all over the fridge hoping it'd slow him down. Seeing that his time was up, the wee little one jumped out of the fridge and began running towards my legs. I managed to jump like a banshee on crack to escape it's furious gnashing teeth and razor sharp claws. Upon landing, I realized I lost sight of the kumquat. After a grueling search which lasted for what felt like hours, I gave up and decided to go back to watching "Firefly". As I returned to the comfortable, well used spot on the floor, something began tickling my ear. As I turned to look, there it was!