Here I sit and here I'll stay
Looking out at a world of gray1
Knowing nothing questioning it all
How soon am I to fall?2
Where I sit is soon to break
More confusion than I can take3
Wishing desperatly to beat the clock
All I do is pick up a rock4
To shatter conceptions is my goal
I never knew I would have this big of a role5
In the destruction of my ideals
There is no chance to make appeals6
This world is a frightening place
I've finally gotten to the end of my race7
And as the clocks hands make their last move
I'll know I've lost my chance to prove8
That this wasn't because of you
And to finally say "I've moved on too."
Comments
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Wow. It really knocks meaning into the reader. Very well done, especially: "To shatter conceptions is my goal/I never knew I would have this big of a role"
-Chantale
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Like I-R-Awesome, I have yet to experience these emotions personally, yet you convey them very well here. You have also done an excellent job sticking to "true" rhymes in this piece.
Very nicely written. You clearly have a knack for poetry. Do keep up the great work! -
Very nicely done.. at bits there were some lumps in my mash potatoes, but it was very good. The emotion is something i've yet to feel, so I don't especially identify, but i'm sure you did a good job conveying it. The first line of stanza 5, stanza 8, and stanza 2 are the best bits of this poem. Nice work man!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5.
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