Tiernaim (Part One)

I ran, my eyes streaming, through the trees. Blinded as I was, I hit many branches and stumbled often. Green and darkness blurring together in my sight, the pale moon only a spectre far from my vision.1

I fell again. The sweet, sticky scent of earth and leaves cloying my nose. My palms were burning but I scrubbed them across my face anyway, intending to wipe away my tears but I fear, only spreading dirt across my pale cheeks. I crawled forward and pulled myself up against a tree.2

Far in the distance I could still hear the dogs howling, but they were too distant now, I was free. I staggered further forward, weariness suddenly weighing down every limb, my white dress catching in all of the little snags and bushes. It was white no longer, but brown and stained and terribly torn.3

If I’d ever been intending to go back, looking at my ragged dress put it definitely far from my thoughts. I wouldn’t dare go back now. Bad enough that I’d ran from my own wedding, the stares of the entire village following my escape into the trees; but going back in tatters like this would be more than I, or indeed my parents, or even fiancé, if I could still call him that, would be able to bear. All the effort they’d put in to my perfect day, wasted.4

Maybe it was perfect for them, but not for me. I didn’t love him. I didn’t even like him. He was their choice, my parents. They worked it out amongst themselves and then told me of the outcome. I was warned to be a good girl and do what I was told. His family and ours are among the oldest left. My father had said. Your union will be high indeed.5

But I didn’t want it and they wouldn’t listen. Weeks of planning and waiting and I still couldn’t get it through to them. All they would think of was how our family name would be raised and joined forever with his.6

He wasn’t a bad man, never cruel to me or unkind, the few times we met before we were to be married. Age wise, he wasn’t even that much older than me. Not compared to the old men some of the other girls had been forced to marry. He was good looking too, curly blond hair and striking blue eyes. Actually, thinking about it, why hadn’t I married him. My stomach flipped inside me, I’d made a terrible mistake. Perhaps I would learn to love him in time, and he certainly could give me everything I ever wanted. So why did I still feel so anxious, what was I really afraid of?7

I slumped against a huge tree, sliding down its rough bark until it clawed at my back, shredding my dress a little bit more. Fresh tears stung my eyes and my breath caught in my throat. I lay down on my side curled into a tight ball, looking out into the forest, hoping that someone would come find me. I would explain it was just nerves, that I hadn’t meant to go this far in but had just got lost. I would say I would marry him next time, if he would still have me. Surely his pride would be appeased by that.8

I sighed. Finally at rest with myself. I would wait until I was found again; for now I believed I really was lost. It is so cold, I thought to myself. I hugged myself tighter, the thin lace pulling taut against my skin. Before I knew it, I was asleep.9

Dawn woke me with a start, the chorus of birds I’d so admired from my bedroom suddenly sounding much louder and fierce here amongst the trees. I sat up still clutching my arms around my body. I was damp with dew and leaves stuck to my side and arm, which I had lain upon. I pushed back the few strands of bright coppery hair that had escaped my mother’s intricate braiding.10

The forest was in silence except the few birds sounding their morning call. I was pleasantly surprised I hadn’t been eaten alive during the night by some creature or another. Why hadn’t anybody found me yet? Surely they would have kept on through the night, no matter if they thought I’d run deliberately or not. I gasped. Perhaps they weren’t looking because they didn’t care anymore, because they didn’t care if I was found or not, so badly had I hurt them. My thoughts twisted and wound in and amongst one another. Fear twisted my gut followed by my stomach rumbling. I remembered I hadn’t eaten for nearly a full day now.11

Well I couldn’t just sit here and wait, never knowing if they were coming or not. I would try to head back, maybe find some food on the way, and water. I was so terribly thirsty; crying always made me so.12

I pulled myself up again, smoothing down my crumbled dress as I did so. What a state I must look. I commented to myself. The course I’d taken last night was clear to see in the morning light, debris pushed aside and strands of ribbon and silk clinging to every few trees I had past. I would just follow it home, tell of how I’d been so afraid and lonely, and that I’d been forced to spend a night alone in the forest. Surely my weak story would be enough to blind them all with sympathy, and I would be forgiven. Perhaps we’d even be married today instead.13

Oh but my dress I remembered looking down at myself again. Something plainer from the village would just have to do. I didn’t like the fussy dress anyways; just one other thing I’d had no say on.14

I ploughed onwards through the trees, picking up any stray ribbon or part of my dress that I thought might be reusable in some way. My thoughts caught up in imagining the wedding I did want, I didn’t notice the large stream until I was right upon it. I don’t remember crossing this last night. My hands clenched into tiny fists. I’d lost the trail, how stupid of me to lose attention like that. I spun on my heel feeling too sick with myself to even comprehend having a drink. I traced my path back the way I came, but I never picked up last nights trail again.15

No matter which way I turned the stream always ended up in front of me, as if I was on an island. My eyes burned again as I forced myself not to cry. Well I would just cross it then, I told myself. I walked up to the edge and sat down so I could lower myself down the little bank. Freezing water rushed over my feet up to my shins. I gasped as the cold shocked me and the water began to permeate my thin clothes.16

I began to wade across but now I realised it was more like a small river, than a small stream as I had first thought. The water was up to my waist, my feet slipping continually on the wet rocks underneath the surface. My teeth began to chatter and I considered going back until I realised I was wet now, and so might as well carry on.17

Eventually I reached the opposite side, only to find the bank much bigger than it had looked from across the way. It comprised of small and big rocks, all loosely stacked together although in a natural formation. I attempted to climb it but my numb fingers and toes could find no purchase, some of the rocks even came completely loose and fell. My soaking skirts pulled me down.18

Despair washed over me. I couldn’t even cry anymore I was so desolate. I would just have to walk along the bank until the side became easier, or until I came to a tributary which I knew must eventually happen, even if the river was round. I plodded on through the shallow water getting hungrier and colder than ever. I could have walked hours and not known, the scenery was all so similar, each tree looked alike to me. The whole time I walked, I was aware of something watching me, although whenever I spun around there was nothing to see. I presumed it was just animals and I was almost thankful that I was not out in the open, but instead stuck out in the river.19

My legs wearied and I was contemplating wading back across the river so I could at least be back on land again, however my dress was nearly dry from above my knees again, and I hated the thought of getting all wet again for nothing. Of course, I knew I couldn’t sleep against this side incase I was swept away, so I would have to cross eventually but I decided to leave the cross back over as late as possible. I would probably die from cold and wet during the night anyway. I thought despondently to myself.20

A kind of ease fell over me as I walked. I was aware of myself slipping further and further from my own mind. Some part of me fought against it, realising it wasn’t anything good, but eventually, it won. Darkness crept over my eyes and my legs suddenly dropped away beneath me. In the last few seconds of semi conscious thought, I felt strong arms grasp under my arms and around my chest, and I felt myself soar.21

My eyelashes fluttered open taking in a blinding light. I was deliciously warm and clean I realised, however, I was not alarmed by this, as I perhaps should have been. I straightened up and stretched out my arms, my fingers reaching for the sky. It had been the most perfect of sleeps, even though I now realised it had been upon only grass, not the feather bed that had floated through my dreams.22

I was in a round clearing covered in luscious grass and wild flowers of every colour. The trees circling the clearing were tall and straight, almost proud in their bearing. The bright light I had seen at first, I now realised to be the sun, brighter and purer than ever seen before. In fact, the clearing seemed to glow in its glory, everything casting a strange luminescent shine as if on fire from within.23

I glanced around the clearing feeling perfectly at ease, no thought for how I got there or why, my mind completely passive. The trees straight ahead of me held a peculiar colour in their depths, and I continued to stare at it trying to figure it out. While the rest of the trees showed only darkness within them, this singular patch shone silver and I imagined it to be a new tree perhaps, with bark that smouldered.24

I stared at it for a long while. Even though the colour stood out, it still seemed to fit in with the surroundings perfectly. It was not until it moved and stepped out into the sun, that I even realised it was a man. A beautiful, silver clad, glowing man, with long waving hair like a chocolate waterfall, and burning gold eyes.25

He stood gazing at me, his perfect face showing no emotion or interest. He didn’t even sway as you do even when trying to stand your stillest. It was easy to see why I’d mistaken him for a tree, his tall body pushing his head into the leaves had he still been standing amongst them. His head twisted to look at me sideways and I mimicked his movement without knowing why.26

“Why haven’t you left yet?” The clear voice sang out across the clearing, filling the space between us with raindrops and rainbows. It felt like my heart would break, the sound was so beautiful. I gasped in astonishment but no answer would come to my lips. I simply sat there, looking up at the man with wide adoring eyes and a limp mouth.27

He took a step towards me and then hesitated. His hands almost seemed to reach for me and a longing so deep and pain filled clouded his eyes for a moment, before they resumed their flawless gaze. I was already in raptures.28

I climbed to my feet feeling clumsy compared to his graceful movements, and I too took a step towards him. His face went defensive and he stepped back from me.29

“You’re not welcome here any longer.” His musical voice rang out angrily around the clearing. My heart stopped and I was filled with a sense of such loss that I’m sure my heart stopped beating, because next thing I knew, I was down on the floor again but with his strong arms around me. I hadn’t even seen him move as I fell, letting out a soft cry, he was so swift.30

“But you brought me here.” My voice was wobbly but the words rang true. I could feel it in every fibre of my being that what I had spoken had been the utter truth, that he had called me here to him long before he had carried me from the river as I now understood he had.31

He sighed and his silky breath brushed across my face. I closed my eyes and drank it in, letting it envelope all my senses. He smelled of resinous pine and fresh dew, of summer sun and winter snow. My arms wound around his neck, my fists clutching at his rich, burnished brown hair.32

“So it was you I sang for. I didn’t know who would come.” He whispered into my cheek and ear, his voice caressing more gently even than his breath. I hugged myself to him and I felt him shift beneath me. I thought he was trying to leave and I cried out and held him all the harder, but he only laughed. A tinkling bell of a laugh that warmed me more than any mulled wine or log fire ever had, and he clutched me harder too, settling me properly onto his lap as he sat down and curled his body around mine.33

It was you I sang for. His words danced across my mind like fireflies in the night. For weeks I had dreamt of a beautiful song, had felt the pull of something unfamiliar yet absolute. I had thought it was just because of the wedding, that I had imagined it. But now I knew this to be untrue. It had been him calling me from amongst the trees; calling his one true love, his soul mate. The words fit perfectly together and settled deep within my heart.34

“Ma tierna,” he whispered again softly as a birdcall in my ear.35

“Ma tierni,” I whispered back into his curls. The words had appeared from nowhere in my mouth and yet I knew they fit him closer than his own skin. He was something from beyond this world, something so unlimited and pure that the very earth taught me how to belong to him; giving me words in his language and knowledge of him that I could never have learnt by looking into any other person’s eyes.36

“I have found you,” we declared together, our eyes burrowing deep into each other’s soul, finding our place there, and settling. Forever. Never to be moved or shook. Never to be doubted or laughed at. The universe had coalesced and brought us together; we would not question it. We would only love. For now, what else could we do?37

Tiernaim. We are one.