As Told By A Liar

As Told By A Liar1


“You see what happens if you don’t use a condom?” 2

My head shot up from my short nap and I took in the scene. Typical. Mrs. Mulroney was pointing at some picture of this preganant woman and her boyfriend next to her holding out his hands with the caption “how did this happen?” He of course had no active role in the fetus that is creepily growing inside her stomach. 3

Of course. 4

I looked out the window and it was ironically darker than it felt only hours earlier. Maybe it changed because I was back in school. Or maybe I am just so happy not to be sitting there that it feels so much warmer than it really is. Whatever. 5

“Miss. Cahill?”6

It was that lady.7

That lady from the office.8

The only one who calls me Miss. Cahill9

I’m fourteen for God’s sake way to age me before my time. 10

But you know her. The one with her hair pulled back and smells like flowers? She is the freaking devil in designer clothes. The one that comes to announce your death and you can try to be like “hell no” and she’ll drag you into the principal's office or off to her lair or something I don’t even know. What was she doing in my health class? 11

“Your needed in guidance.” She whispered.12

Seventeen heads spun in my direction 13

That’s another reason she freaks me out. She whispers like the entire class doesn’t need to know. Its eighth grade. Everyone needs to know everything even if it’s just stupid old reclusive Georgia Cahill being called down to guidance. I got up and pushed my chair in. See? Good kid behavior right there. 14

“I would take my stuff if I were you.” She stage whispered.15

Great. Now everyone was looking. I stuffed all my junk in my backpack and tried to see the bright side of the situation. At least I wouldn’t have to sit through another one of Mrs. M’s Everyone-will die-of-an-STD speeches. 16

I debated slamming the door behind me when I left but I thought better of it. Let's not have them think I have anger management problems. I was not used to being called down to guidance. I’m one of those kids that people point and go “what’s her name? Oh yeah she was in my fifth grade class…I think.” Its not like I have an issue I just don’t like people. 17

Wait. 18

That makes me sound like a crazy person. I swear to God I’m not. Totally normal. I have friends, you know. I just am not interested in parties or stuff everyone else is. My mom says I was middle-aged before my time. I say I just don’t like kids. Which is partly the truth and partly a lie. I like acting like a kid I just don’t like fellow kids. Or adults.19

Whatever I don’t even know. 20

So anyway I was kind of preoccupied thinking why in the world I was being summoned to the counselor to be worried about much else. It must be because I’m failing Latin and Math and possibly History. He probably wants to talk to me about applying myself. You know how many talks I have had about applying myself? “Georgia, you’re such a smart girl.” 21

“Georgia, you really just need to focus and you’d be a brilliant student.”22

“Georgia, why do you do this to yourself?”23

Adults think they’re so clever. Like they know exactly how to solve every situation concerning children. As if they just need some fancy degree attached to the end of their name to figure you out. Hell, I don’t even know how to figure myself out. The last thing I need is a shrink to complicate things. They have these weird ideas whenever it comes to me. They have the stuffy office with the dimmed lights and their clipboard where they jot stuff down when you talk. Then afterwards they make this huge show of ripping up the paper with this big smile like “Your secrets are safe with me.” 24

Seriously? 25

Come on now. I don’t tell people my secrets. It’ s just so stupid. Secrets aren’t supposed to be told. That’s why they are called secrets. Apparently in the world of middle school and shrinks they have some trouble with that definition. That should be one of our English words. Not stupid ones like baffled. If you don’t know what baffled means and you’re in eighth grade maybe you should stop reading because concepts in this book will be too hard for your pea brain to handle. 26

I got to the door of the office and knocked on it. I guess that was kind of stupid because I found out there was a waiting room on the inside. Where I would be the only one waiting. Super.27

You could tell they were hard at work trying to turn the delinquints and emo kids who come in here into good kids before they actually got to the guidance counselor. There were colorful pictures on the wall of people winning marathons and holding up an A+ paper and phrases like28

“If you don’t succeed, try, try again.” And the ones that try to convince you you’re not the only failure. The ones with Einstein saying29

“Your complications with math are far fewer than mine.” I sat down on the couch and tried to find a way they could possibly judge me. I tied my shoes a couple times and tried to beat the dirt off of them. Shit. The dirt. There was no way they would believe I didn’t ditch the first two blocks. I looked around a few times and beat them against the sofa. The lady behind the desk gave me this smile which meant the same thing as a glare, but it’s guidance so they immediately assume you might take out a jack knife and slit your wrists or something if they give you an angry glances. I was in the process of straightening out my t-shirt which, with my luck, was black with angry lettering on it. Why couldn’t I have worn that stupid baby blue one today? Right. The world hates me. 30

See?31

I was actually in a fine mood before I came to guidance and look where I am now. Bordering on insanity and depression. Seriously debating suicide. Looking around for a-32

“Miss. Cahill? Mr. Jordan will see you now.”33

Super. Too late to make myself look decent now.34

His office was really bright, not like the office those professionals had. This one didn’t have any windows and it had pictures of spongebob all over the place. You could totally tell he tried to make it seem like he was a kid, just like us. Too bad I’m fourteen and not four.35

“Georgia! Come on and sit down!” 36

I kind of debated just standing there for awhile because the only seat available for me in that room was a little saucer thing with a cushion on it. I didn’t want to have him think I was comfortable being there.37

“So, Georgia, you know why you’re here?” 38

I had an idea, but if I was wrong I didn’t want to give him any more brilliant ideas to try his guidance magic out on. 39

“No, I don’t really.”40

“You don’t?”41

Jesus. They always do this. 42

“No, I really don’t.”43

He just looked at me. And looked at me. Then he smiled. 44

“Ohhhhhhh Georgia. Well, I have heard some things.” 45

I raised my eyebrows in mock surprise. I had a good idea that if I tried to say something clever he’d go all evil guidance counselor on me. Best play the role I do the best – sweet, innocent, invisible, scholastic struggler.46

“What have you heard?”47

He stood up and walked around his desk. 48

“Well, I hear you haven’t been attending classes” 49

Oh no. Well I couldn’t say I didn’t see it coming. Look, I guess I should explain this to you before you get some distorted version that’s bound to come from Mr. I’ve-totally -got-you-nailed-you-fake-little-bastard. Apart from not really doing that well in school, and, okay well maybe these kind of coincide with each other but I do a lot of ditching. School, that is. I started ditching in like I don’t even know seventh grade maybe? Pulled a few stunts in second grade but nothing big. I never failed any classes. Nothing that would make teachers say “wow, better watch out for that crazy Georgia girl.” But, if I was going to do what I wanted to do, I had to do what other people wanted me to do first. Or, at least let them think I was doing what they wanted me to do. Follow? Good. Because things only get more complicated. 50

Anyway, recently I decided that I wanted to expand my enjoyment to outside of the school. I mean can you blame me? Don’t answer that. Anyway I’m pretty into weird things. No, you pervert I’m not a porno. Don’t ask me why- but lately I have been ditching school and hanging out in the public cemetery.51

.52

You still there? Well then on your own head be it. Or, in it I guess. The whole story takes a long time to tell and I’ll get around to it….eventually. But we are keeping Mr. Jordan waiting and, to be frank, he’s not a patient man.53

I look up.54

I really should have figured that leaving school was a bad idea. They have those fancy cameras now and can see everyone who comes in and out. It was really only a matter of time, actually. How long could I go unnoticed? I should have expected this way before it happened. The teachers can only be oblivious for so long…55

“Georgia?”56

I snapped my head up. Maybe if I ran for it. No, no, keep my cool. That would make me look guilty. All I did was skip, right? No big deal. I could tell him I went to the public library, any idiot, knowing Georgia Cahill, would believe that.57

“Yeah, Mr. Jordan?” 58

He slid two multi-colored packets across the table to me.59

Wow.60

My mouth popped open into a small o. 61

On the front of the first one, I saw a boy holding a cigarette. On the second, I saw an ugly girl smoking a joint. And when I looked up, I saw the first happy guidance counselor I have seen in a long time.62

Was this a joke? 63

Mr. Jordan leaned back in his chair. He must have taken my silence as verification of his claim of me…64

I let out a small trickle of laughter. It sounded nervous, against my will. 65

He raised his eyebrows. “You know, Georgia,” he began “I have been a guidance counselor for…five years. I’ve seen a lot of things. I have seen what skipping school and drug abuse does to young children like yourself and I care about you so that-”66

He put one hand over my arm that was clutching the smoker papers, 67

“I just don’t want to see such a smart, intelligent….”68

Caring. Young. Girl….69

“caring, young girl like yourself ruin a future for herself with something as stupid as cigarettes. Cigarettes are a gateway drug, Georgia to bigger, scarier things. Even things like teen pregnancy.” Why does it always come back to teen pregnancy? 70

I hadn’t taken my eyes off of the papers. 71

Okay- let me tell you what I was expecting. 72

1. being chewed out by my loving guidance counselor on skipping class 73

2. leaving campus during school hours74

3. ‘talking’ about my deteriorating grades and or75

4. all of the above. 76

I saw Mr. Jordan’s grin spread across his face. His hands were folded on his desk and he leaned forward. He got me. Oh he had me nailed all right. He knew it. Probably the proudest moment in his whole life finally figuring out the quiet, invisible Georgia Cahill was a bad-ass smoker. The only thing that would make this better would be if he could discover I somehow hid drugs in my book of Mark Twain poems. I made a note to hid that particular one out of sight. 77

But Mr. Jordan all high and mighty on his throne of happiness overlooked one small piece of information and it was this. Georgia Cahill is invisible. Georgia Cahill had an intelligent circle of friends. Georgia Cahill does not smoke. (And that last part, I can swear to you, is true.) 78

I figured, this was my time to talk; otherwise I would never get one. 79

“Mr. Jordan.” 80

He leaned forward. The confession. The part he was waiting for.81

“Thank you, so much for the papers. I think if I really read them through I would be able to kick such a nasty, disgusting habit like smoking.” I made a gag face for effect. I paused, and then continued.82

“But Unfortunately I really don’t need these, as I honestly have never smoked a cigarette in my lifetime nor do I really want to. You see, my great-grandmother died of tobacco poisoning and she died smoking a cigarette. Do you know what kind of effect that had on me? I can’t even look at them, Mr. Jordan and you know what?”83

His face melted like ice on a warm day, then became hot like a volcano. I was getting a bit worried for his health, and decided I should probably wrap this particular lecture up. 84

“It’s just not for me. You know…‘just say no’ and all that.” 85

Mr. Jordan stood back up and parked himself in front of my seat. I picked up my backpack and stood up as well.86

“I understand your concern about me skipping class, and I’m here to tell you it won’t happen again. I was simply in the library catching up on homework. I really, should do it at home like it’s assigned.” 87

Red in the face, he wrote me a pass like his life depended on it. 88

“To which class are you returning to Miss. Cahill?” 89

Oh, I was Miss. Cahill now. 90

“Health.” 91

Then I laughed. Don’t you get it? He’s such an idiot. Of all the classes to take his little smoker out of….92

“Georgia?” 93

I stopped in the door.94

“Mr. Jordan?”95

“Don’t try anything funny.” 96

The way he said it almost made me regret telling him the truth. I really shouldn't have led him on with the whole smoker scheme.97

“I’m not that kind of a person.” 98

I held up my book for him to see, and made a show of exiting his office. 99

You want to know something? 100

The great thing about adults is that if you really really tell them the truth they freak out. If I told Mr. Jordan the whole truth in there, chances are I’d be writing this from a mental hospital. Possibly strapped to a gurney with one of those felt tipped pens that bleed through paper so I can’t use it to cut myself up with. But, I didn’t tell him the whole truth. I lied to him. And sometimes, as you will learn, knowing the lie is more important than knowing the truth.101