Steel Lover

He is my lover, His kisses are both sharp and sweet, Lips of steel that give me new life as it slowly claims my old, He is addictive like a drug, Both needing and craving him, knowing that he will soon be my end, I don't care, He comforts me as the tears fall, No one comes in my time of need, I'm alone, He calls my name promising an escape an end to all the pain, I go to him, His lips of steel toch my flesh, He claims my soul as the blood reaches his lips, He wants more, His kisses becoming deeper and stronger, But i am numb, The pain bearly known, The end is near, And yet he still wants more, He isn't satisfied, And as I lay their dying, I see him leave, I'm alone, The comfort and numbness now gone, And as i dye, I hear him laugh, As he goes off in search of someone new, He was my steel lover.1


Should I delete this?

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  • Obani
    November 8
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    No, don't delete, I like it
    Though I can see the steel lover theme at the end, and I think you could expand on it a bit more, it's a very good idea!
    Also There were a few spelling punctuation and grammer errors that I think you could fix if you red over it.
    But, for the most part this was a really good story


    • Awakening95
      November 8
      ?
      Edit | Reply

      THX!

      I really needed to know whiether it was worth keeping. Thx for the great comment!