Any Last Words?

Life sucks, and then you die. 1

I made the mistake of voicing this opinion to my mother once. She said I was being melodramatic, and to go away. So I did. Forever.2

That night, I packed what few things I had, and left our rickety old dump-of-a-house for good. I had twelve dollars, two extra shirts, one pair of jeans, one pair of boots, one pair of extra socks, and a flashlight. That’s it. A few hours after I left the house, I took a bus as far away as I could get with the small amount of money I had. I made it all the way across town, to a place where my mom would never look.3

Ha. As if she’d look for me. She didn’t care about me. No one did. That night, I slept on the street. For whatever reason, I felt more at home in that dank, dark alley by the dump than I ever had at my house. Maybe it was because my parents hated me. Maybe it was because I was far away from everything I loathed. Or maybe it was simply because everything around me was about worth the same I was. The leftover food that had gone bad weeks ago; the black banana peel that was lying next to the dump; the rats scurrying all around, searching for food…4

Bang! I heard a loud noise. Normally, a person would be startled by this, but not me. I was far from normal. For me, it was just another strange sound I could add to my memory. Bang! I heard it again, this time louder. At first, I thought it was a gunshot, but my instinct told me it was something else. I stood up, not even bothering to wipe off my stained dark skinny jeans. I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail, and went to investigate.5

BANG! The noise continued to ring in my ears, long after it was sounded. I realized it was coming from above me, and looked up. Just as I did so, I saw a dark shadow leap from the roof of one tall building on one side of me to the tall building on my other side. When it landed, I heard another loud BANG! “Hey!” I yelled, not caring how dangerous a move I was making. I began to climb the fire escape ladder on the side of the building. Up and up I went, and when I reached the top, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There, in front of me, was a man. But it wasn’t any ordinary man. This man had two long, sharp fangs that were dripping in blood. His eyes were bright red, and seeming to stare straight into my soul. I screamed.6

He smiled. A gruesome, dreadful smile that showed too many sharp white teeth, each and every one dripping with dark red blood. He smelled of an awful, metallic smell that could only be blood. His greasy, unkempt hair was in his eyes. He wore an all-black outfit; a baggy long-sleeved t-shirt and black boot-legged jeans. I cowered. I’d never been this frightened of anything in my whole life. Never. Not even when my father threatened to beat me, and then followed through with his threat. Not even when he brought home a shotgun one day, telling my it was a “necessary” object for him to have at his reach. I was more scared even than that. 7

“Well aren’t you pretty?” he sneered. His voice was rough and low.8

I wanted to scream, “Go away!” but couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to say anything. I knew he was going to murder me.9

He pounced. He was tearing at my neck, at my back. He laughed, a fearsome, unnatural-sounding laugh that seemed to echo all around.10

I was shaking in fright and pain. I couldn’t take it. I screamed and screamed until my voice left me. I could feel the warm puddle of blood all around me as his too-sharp nails raked at my skin, breaking it, tearing it apart. It was like no pain I had ever felt before. My whole body was protesting, screaming at me to make it stop. I felt his warm, stale breath on my neck as he whispered, “Any last words?”11

I thought of how, in movies and books, characters always think of their parents, and those they love when asked this question. But I loved no one. I wished, at that moment, that I had parents who loved me, people I could call friends, a place I could call home. I felt tears drip down my cheeks, expressing the emotion and sadness I’d tried so hard my whole life to keep hidden.12

The vampire, in one smooth, frightful motion, bit into my neck, and I gasped for breath. I lay there for a moment, struggling to breath, to feel the cool, comfort of air through my lungs, and then my vision went black. Slowly, my thoughts dissolved, and I felt no more.13

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • ajs back
    November 19
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    Edit | Reply
    This was good! I liked the emotion, and the surprise ending. Good luck in my contest

  • NightVixen
    November 19
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    Edit | Reply
    I like this. I like the vivid poicture you painted. You kept my attention all the way through. The irony of the opening line and the end of the stoery was brilliant. Great job.


    • ELFgirl12 silver member
      November 24
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      Edit | Reply
      Yeah. I wasn't sure anyone would catch that. I did that on purpose actually. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it.


  • BuffyTheVampSlayer
    November 18
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    Edit | Reply
    You know what I'm going to do...I'm going to take all those great comments below and role them all into one okay.

    awesome
    i like how you started the beginning of the story "life sucks..." It was real and something you could connect with automatically.

    so sad... i liked it

    wow for your first time u really topped the charts !!! great job this is amazing !! i love the imagery and the story line!
    and i like how u described the part where she dies .. very nice

    Wow. Awesome!! Sooo creepy. But in a good way. Great job on this. Keep it up!!!

    Okay so these were my opinions in the exact way the other people put them so great job and keep up the good work and thatnks for entering in my contest.

    -Jennifer out

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

  • craziangel321
    November 12

    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    i like how you started the beginning of the story "life sucks..." It was real and something you could connect with automatically.


    • ELFgirl12 silver member
      November 14
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      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. I wasn't really sure how to start it, so I just kinda made something up off the top of my head


  • yodog784
    November 12
    Edit | Reply
    so sad... i liked it


  • ilovemyemo
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    wow for your first time u really topped the charts !!! great job this is amazing !! i love the imagery and the story line!
    and i like how u described the part where she dies .. very nice

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Raining.Fire
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME! GReat job!!!!


  • seasonsoflove
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Awesome!! Sooo creepy. But in a good way. Great job on this. Keep it up!!!


    • ELFgirl12 silver member
      November 4
      Edit | Reply
      Really? Thanks! This is my first time writing horror, so I'm glad it seemed to turn out okay.

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