Brea's Angel

Standing on the ledge, looking down, everything looks so small from up here. The cars look like Tonka trucks, like if I were a giant I could just reach down and push them around.1

The wind makes me feel so free and alive. With my long chestnut brown hair and heavenly white dress billowing behind me I could almost be an angel. I know as I fall they will flow behind me flapping with the force of the gravity and wind and look as if I have wings. Maybe people will think that I am an angel falling from grace. 2

They drove me to this. I told them that I would do it. I told them that it was their fault if I did do it. They should have never have done it. It was never meant to be this way. They promised me that it would never happen every time I asked them as a curious child. They should have known better than to never say never.3

I should call them and inform them of the situation they have drove me to, and that I was serious and that I meant every word I said to them. No! I will not tell them, they never told me I had to find out from every other person. They deserve to hear of this through the rest of the world. I can feel the hatred coursing through my veins like poison would, I can feel the bile rising in my throat thinking about that fateful night two weeks ago. How could they?4

I remember storming into the kitchen after my best friend told me he was sorry and me asking him what for and then finding out. Then running into the kitchen and screaming at the top of my lungs in a pained voice so that they could feel my pain as my heart was ripped into many pieces. "How could you? Do I not matter to you?” Then seeing her turn towards my screaming voice with a look of shock on her face and responding, "Baby of course you do, it's just....."5

"It's just what?" I screamed interrupting her. "You just wanted to ruin my life. You wanted to tear my world into pieces. You are cruel and heartless and I don't deserve this" I screamed again my voice breaking as I said those last few words. Then crying, but are not tears of sadness tears of white hot anger.6

"Brea it's not like that" he says to me. His bright green eyes that filled with tears as he goes to hug me and then me pushing him away. "You're disgusting, don’t touch me" I spit, my words like ice cutting through his heart. But I didn't care he deserved this to feel that way. I hear Devon walk out the door not wanting to be there any longer. Even my best friend deserted me in my time of need. My heart felt as though each one of them had put their hands into my chest and torn at it until there was nothing left.7

"I wish I was dead so that I'd never have to see either of you again, then you could never hurt me again" I screamed as I ran from the kitchen. My scream hurting my own ears. Hearing her call me "Honey you're just upset you don't mean what you're saying". I blocked out the rest of what she had to say.8

The cold winds bring me back to reality and I look down and a crowd has appeared looking up at me with fearful faces, But I don't care that they are scared because that's lowest on the list of emotions I'm feeling right now as I put my arms out so that the wind can blow all around me. If I'm just upset and don't mean anything I said then why am I standing up here getting to jump. Why am I standing on the roof of our 10 story apartment building?9

Suddenly the roof door opens………10

The steel barricade bends away as if it were paper. One point for whoever was at the door zero points me. I turn my head to see who it is because now is not the time to check out the views from the roof. Shit! "Devon Fuck Off you're neither needed nor wanted here" I say in the bitchiest voice I can manage. I don't want Devon to see me jump even though he did abandon me in my greatest hour of need. 11

"Stop being a bitch it doesn't suit you" he says in a monotonous voice as if he is bored with me already. I snap back at him, "If you haven't noticed nothing suits me anymore, and I didn't ask you to come up here I do not need you Devon so just walk away just like you did the other day, leave abandon me in my hour of need it's not like I need you anymore". He looks hurt as I say this to him. He turns towards the door and is just about to take a step but instead looks at me with tears in his eyes.12

"Just come down off there Brea before you fall" he says fear in his eyes as he watches me stumble as I nearly lose my balance. I can feel my heart pumping through my chest I’m sure that he can see it but he doesn’t say anything. I know he’s right and I should get down and stop being so stupid but at the moment I want to feel dangerous I want to toy with death and if death wins and takes me then I should be glad not having any hurt in my heart anymore.13

“I don’t want to come down Devon I want them to hurt, I mean you saw what they did to me, you saw how hurt I was, Devon please just let me be” I say my voice straining from the hurt I am now feeling they hurt me and now I’m hurting Devon am I really being fair. Yes! I am being fair. It’s not me hurting Devon it’s them. I turn away from Devon not wanting to see his fearful eyes anymore. I hear him stepping forward.14

I scream at him “Take one more step Devon and I swear I’ll jump, I will jump and you know I will so don’t tempt me Devon, if you take one more step it will be your fault too that I die”. I don’t look back at him as I say this because I know that he will listen to me. “Brea please just come down, yeah so what your parents want a divorce, you do realise that a lot of people parents divorce it’s not that uncommon so just get down your just being stupid” he says spitting the last few words at me. The anger inside him is building and its scares me.15

“They promised me don’t you understand they promised me that it would never happen to them and that we would always be together and now they want to tear that apart. You were there they don’t care and they don’t want to fix it, but this, this will force them to fix it” I yell at him. I decide I’ve had enough of this conversation. 16

I step off the ledge. Finally I have the freedom I longed for knowing that I’ll have eternal freedom soon. What? I am supposed to be falling and free why am I no longer falling. “Devon you arsehole let me go this is my choice not yours” I yell at him pissed off as I’ve been in my 16 short years of life. “So your telling me that you want your brain to splattered all over the concrete down there huh? You want to have your whole body splattered and broken all over the concrete and you won’t even be recognisable Brea you’d be known as Jane Doe because I wouldn’t tell them who you are is that what you want? Tell me that’s what you want and I’ll let you go right now and you can fall to a violent death” he yells at me as sweat drips from his forehead from trying not to drop me.17

I think about what Devon just said and I don’t want to die really, I want them to hurt the way they hurt me but this will not succeed in doing that. “I only wanted to feel free from the hurt and pain Devon, I wanted to hurt them, to show them that they hurt me please pull me up Devon, you’re right I don’t want to look like a pile of bloody scrambled eggs help me up” I plead with Devon. 18

I grab his other hand and as he pulls me up using my feet I try to help him help me as much as possible. Once I can reach the ledge top I let go of one of Devon’s hands and pull myself over. Once over the ledge and back on safe ground we collapse in an exhausted heap. I cling to Devon’s shirt never wanting to let go as I sob into his chest. He puts his arm around me protectively and we stay like that for ages. We hear the roof door open and there are the two people that caused this whole mess. 19

We both get up and I drag Devon by the hand past them not even bothering to look at them. I don’t care what they feel as Devon and I walk down the stairs I realise that I will always have Devon and no matter what he will be there for me no matter what. 20

I found my guardian angel today and nothing will come between that.21