Black and White 2 part 1

Black and White Part 21

It’s been four months since the day when Dimitri tried to kill himself. Even though I thought things were going to get so much better they didn’t. Unfortunately the police did catch me and I got put into our orphanage. I kept cutting whenever I was alone. I felt so abandoned and trapped. I felt fear when I thought about being adopted by some random people. Never being able to see Dimitri again. We were still good. At least I like to think so. I feel like he’s changing. That’s also scaring me.2

I spend many of my nights in the orphanage awake and lifeless. The people in charge of the orphanage found out about myself mutilation problem and assigned me a weekly counseling session. I mean seriously! How does that help?! To me that just says “Hey you have problems you need help now you have to go talk to someone ha!” I hated it.3

Dimitri tried to ask his dad if he could adopt me but, his dad just gave him a what-the-f**k look. We knew he wasn’t going to say yes but we tried. I don’t know about my mother. Apparently when I was young they called her unfit and gave me to my dad. They completely had that flipped backwards. I only got to see Dimitri at school. And his father wasn’t going to just let him come over here anytime he wanted to.4

I did have a cell phone still so I was able to call Dimitri whenever. I walked around in the orphanage. There were people staring at me. There were always people staring at me. I wonder if it’s my odd hair. I was getting annoyed of it though. I think I’ll just dye my whole head black. Oh ya did I tell you? I was forced to quit basketball. I thought I died and went to heaven when they told me that.5

I got on the bus and went on my way to school. As I got off I saw my group. “Good morning!” I said and smiled at everyone. “Morning.” Dimitri replied. “Good morning Terra!” Alex and Rachel said. Dimitri came up and kissed me. That’s what I was talking about. He was “changing.” He kissed me every time he saw me. I mean it’s ok to kiss once in a while but nobody wants or needs to see it twenty-four/seven.6

Dimitri kissed me again. “That’s enough.” I tried to say happily. The bell rang. I had P.E. instead of women’s basketball. It was great.7

After third hour we all went into the stands and got ready for lunch. Dimitri came up and kissed me. “Hey you two we don’t want to see you making out. Ok?” Alex commented. “I know. Dimitri please stop.” I nudged him. “Aw ok.” He backed away from me. “Thank you.” I told him.8

Our thirty minute free-time started to seem like thirty minute rubbing up on me time. I have to admit it was getting annoying. “Dimitri please stop. I feel like a whore.” I told him while pushing him off me a little. I do love him, but I’m not interested in a sexual relationship. That’s unholy. And I am no whore. The fourth hour bell rang and we went to pre-ap science.9

The day was a little boring as usual. My phone began to vibrate. It was Alex. It said” “Hey Terra is it me or is Dimitri becoming a little horn-dog? He seems obsessed with you.”10

I replied: “ya I know. It’s getting very annoying. I wish he would stop.” After sending the message I closed my phone and got onto the bus. As soon as I got to the orphanage I laid on my bed. I felt so tired. I went to the food court and got a sandwich. I sat down.11

“Hey emo girly.” Two boys came up to me. “You look good today.” One of them smiled. I say they looked about sixteen to seventeen years old. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be somewhere else? Go stalk some other girl or I’ll kill you.” I threatened them. “Ooo! Scary!” They both said sarcastically. “With what? A razorblade? You gonna’ kill yourself before you kill us right? That’s what you emo people do.” One of them snickered. “Hey maybe when she’s dead when can use her body for stuff.” The other one said making a nasty comment. Unfortunately for them that pissed me the f**k off. I randomly bawled my hand into a fist and punched the tallest one in the face making him fall onto the floor. “You cocky whore! Look What you did!” He yelled as he held his bleeding nose. The other guy tried to punch me but, I ducked and wracked him in the area where the sun doesn’t shine. He quickly fell to the floor and started yelling in pain.12

The lunch lady had contacted one of the guardians. “Terra!” Mrs. Stelloux yelled. I ran passed her and went to my room. I laid on my bed and began to cry. “Why?” I asked myself. “Why can’t I find peace in my life?” I whimpered and cried even more. I cried for a long time then got up and did what I usually did.13

I grabbed a pair of scissors hidden in the back of my bed (They took away all my razors). I pressed the sharp point of the scissors onto my skin. The touch of the metal was cold. I slowly went down my arm. I started from my wrist all the way down to my elbow. The blood immediately came out. It wasn’t like a flowing river but it did start to leak down to my finger tips and around my arm. I got some medical tape and wrapped my arm. I felt the burning of the wound. It felt wonderful.14

I felt like a wimp when I cried. *knock knock* I heard. “Terra? Is it ok that I come in?” It was Mrs. Stelloux. “Sure.” I said and faced my window. “Are you ok Hun? You can talk to me about it.” She came and sat on my bed patting my back. “I don’t need help coping. I’m fine.” I lied and said in an angry voice. “Ok Hun. If you need anything just ask for me. Ok?” She patted my back again. “Yes ma’am.” I simply said. She left the room. I laid down and fell asleep.15