April 20th, 2009. It was the morning of the most gorgeous wedding of the year. "Princess Jenna of Italy and Prince Scott to wed" the headlines screamed. 1
Princess Jenna was relaxing in her queen sized bed, splashing colors into a coloring book drawn about her. 2
"Jenna." One of the castle maids called out. 3
"Ugh. What do they want?" Jenna muttered. She arose from her bedside, smoothed out her silky, blood-red, form-fitting, sundress and answered the door. 4
"Princess Jenna, are you excited for today. Everyone in your Kingdom is." The maid gleamed. 5
"Of course I'm excited. It's my wedding day to a good match." Princess Jenna replied with little enthusiasm. 6
"It's almost time to get ready. Your favorite breakfast is waiting for you downstairs." The maid responded. 7
"Would you mind bringing it to me up here. I don't feel like facing my father?" Princess Jenna asked politely. 8
"Of course your majesty." The maid curtsied and promptly walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. 9
Jenna walked over to her white vanity. 10
"Mirror Mirror on the wall... who is the most beautiful of them all." 11
"Why you are Miss Jennna." The mirror replied. 12
"Thank magic vanity." Princess Jenna smiled. 13
"I love that smile of yours." The mirror replied. 14
"Everyone does." Princess Jenna sighed. 15
"Your Majesty, what's wrong?" The mirror inquired. 16
"I saw Derek in town yesterday." Princess Jenna confessed. 17
"You always see him in town dear." The mirror responded. 18
"I know but this time it was different." Princess Jenna argued. 19
"How so?" The mirror asked. 20
"He looked happy for once. He looked the way he used to look when he was mine." 21
"Well your Majesty, anyone would be happy to be yours. Prince Scott sure is." 22
"That's the problem, I'm more valuable than he is. I'm not anyone's princess, their all my subjects, or my Prince, or soon to be my king. Just for once I want to be somebody's princess." Princess Jenna cried out. 23
"And were you Derek's Princess?" The mirror asked. 24
"I don't know." Princess Jenna sighed. "What do you think." 25
"Only time will tell." The mirror responded. 26
"Well technically I only have four hours left to be a bachelorette." Princess Jenna hissed at her magical friend. 27
"Don't make me cut off that sharp tongue of yours, and don't underestimate the power of magic. How many times must I remind you of this." The mirror shot back. 28
"True" The Princess replied. She walked over to her quarters door and opened it to receive her royal breakfast. She carried the silver platter to her canopy bed. While eating her meal, she picked up her stereo remote and began to press play. 29
" Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream "30
Princess Jenna sat there in utter shock as she began cry. 31
WOW IM FAILING BIG TIME AT THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!! 32
So basically i'm stuck between two guys.. one from my past and one now. I'm trying to make this story about both of them. and well its not working. basically think of the mariah carey video "we belong together" to see the essence i'm trying to catch for this piece of shit lol
Comments
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I agree with Deidara, if ya just get the grammatical errors cleaned up, it reads much better. It sucks being caught in a relationship you don't want to be in, especially when the one you love does not love you. I know sorta how it feels. I could have my pick of guys right now and the only one I want is the one I can't have. Boo boys. -Liz
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Alright, paragraph 3 is an exclamation, so I would use either an exclamation point or a comma, like this "Jenna!" one of the maids or "Jenna," one of the maids.
Paragraph 4, no comma needed after form-fitting.
In any quotation it is common to use a comma instead of the actual punctiuation if you use words such as "replied, said, answered, explained" and so on. Use the actual punctuation for exclamations and questions, or if you are not going to cite the quote such as in a back and forth dialouge.
Paragraph 9, Your Majesty should be capitalized.
Paragraph 13 Thank should be Thanks
Paragraph 23 (this is purely my opinion, you don't have to use this) use an exclamation point at the end of that quote, it makes it more dramatic.
Also, I think this might be because you copied from word, but the first word of each quote citation doesn't have to be capitalized unless it is a title or a name. Again, good job and keep up the good work!
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This was an awesome read, but I did find some spelling errors.
Good work though!
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