The Funny Man

I buried my brother today. It's funny to think, that he's gone. Huh. Funny. He was always the funny one, the funny man. Even the last time I saw him alive, he was always trying to lighten the mood. 1

"Hey bro, how you feeling?" I asked. It was Wednesday, and I was on one of my frequent visits to his hospital room. Tom was lying in his bed, pale, thin, and a Michigan hat on his bald head. His wife, Susan, sat next to the bed in a plastic chair. She looked tired, with bags under her eyes. 2

"Great, in a wonderful mood. All this death, it really makes you happy." Tom said, still trying to be funny. A hint of a smile was still visible at the corner of his lips. He waited, wanting us to laugh. We didn't. 3

"You're not in too much pain?" I asked, afraid of the answer.4

"Nah. Not me. I'm tough." He replied, most likely for my sake, and the sake of Susan. She stood, and came over to me. She gripped my arm, eyes pleading. 5

"It's worse. They say it's worse." She whispered. She sounded desperate. I knew they had been trying everything. After nothing had worked, they had just settled on chemo. 6

"I don't know, Susan. I'm sorry-"
Tom cut me off. He didn't want to hear it.7

"Hey! No misery at my deathbed! I heard this great joke a couple days ago, who wants to hear it? A couple of New Jersey Hunters-" My brother began. Automatically, Susan and I faced him and told him we didn't want to hear the joke. His face fell. I found the clock so I wouldn't have to look at his sad eyes. 8

"Oh God, I gotta go, I'll be late for work. Sorry, bro, I'll come back tomorrow. Promise." I reached for my coat, only to realize I had never taken it off. It had been such a short visit. Tom nodded, then stopped me at the door.
"Are you sure you don't want to hear the joke?"
"I'm sure." I told him. He nodded again, then pulled a sealed envelope out of the drawer of his bedside table. He held it out to me, and I took it.9

"Don't open it-" He said, as I started to do just that. "Not yet. Wait until I'm six feet under. Okay?" 10

I nodded, and left. He died that night. I guess I'll never hear that joke. That letter, I still have it here somewhere, here it is. I'll read it to you. (Laughs dryly) It says "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” 11

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. 12

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“