Being sad,1
Doesn't make me glad,2
It makes me want to crawl under a rock,3
From this sad depressing shock,4
Even though you're gone for good,5
I want to hide in my face under my least favorite sweatshirt's hood,6
I'll wear black day and night,7
Even if it gives my parents a fright,8
I'll wear short sleeves in the winter for torture,9
And long sleeves and heavy jackets in the summer for the same,10
There is no way I can explain this pain,11
And I just wish you were here so I can get my life back on track,12
This feels like somebody gave me a smack!13
I refuse to smile,14
And always frown,15
I refuse to enjoy my life,16
And feel put down,17
This sad, depressing, path in life,18
Feels like an icy cold blade of a knife.
Doesn't make me glad,2
It makes me want to crawl under a rock,3
From this sad depressing shock,4
Even though you're gone for good,5
I want to hide in my face under my least favorite sweatshirt's hood,6
I'll wear black day and night,7
Even if it gives my parents a fright,8
I'll wear short sleeves in the winter for torture,9
And long sleeves and heavy jackets in the summer for the same,10
There is no way I can explain this pain,11
And I just wish you were here so I can get my life back on track,12
This feels like somebody gave me a smack!13
I refuse to smile,14
And always frown,15
I refuse to enjoy my life,16
And feel put down,17
This sad, depressing, path in life,18
Feels like an icy cold blade of a knife.
Author notes
First of all, I'll never committ suicide. Second of all, this poem is totally not real. Third of all, all of the above, please reread it again to get the message clear!
I just felt like writing something sad ... you know? I know, unusual for happy little marisalyn13. But still, why not try a new art of writing?!
Comments
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You make me thing of you know who....
It's really good, it makes me cry. -
...
This wasn't the best, but I got the thing you were looking for and that alone was amazing. When you tried to rhyme, you got it mostly. The first line made me giggle, just because it was something I would hear in real life...
Sometimes you skipped rhyming lines and you ignored others and rhymed them four lines apart.
Feels like an icy cold blade of a knife.
That was my favorite part in the poem. I (being myself) could really agree that depression feels like an icy blade plunging into your back.
I do not see you wearing black and hiding in your hood every day. I really hope I have been paying attention enough to see that you are depressed or not, but hey, you have to tell someone you can trust, so make sure you tell someone before lie gets complicated and you commit suicide, you know?
Keep on trying and maybe edit the story a little bit...
~Duality.
beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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I'm not going to committ suicide!!! What made you think of that?! I'LL NEVER EVER EVER! I LOVE LIFE!! suicide ... ugh ... whered u get that from?! lol! never going to kill myself never ever ever ever never
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