my armor, my smile

my morning routine is the same everyday.
I hear the front door close, I get up, I have a coffee. I get dress and then plaster on my smile for the day.
I look up 'smile' in the dictionary it said, to express emotion.
what if you don't feel that emotion?
well then you have a smile like mine. its my armor against the world, against strangers and love ones alike.
I started my day of getting the weekly shopping, I stood in the ridiculously long line for twenty minutes, then when at last I reach the counter, an old lady pushes in acting confused and sweet. I stand back, I smile.
someone somewhere has it worst then me.
on my way home the bag splits. dropping the contents on the pavement and the milk carton brakes and spills milk every were. strangers past by or stop and stare. I smile, pick up the shopping, throw the now empty carton away. all the while smiling. someone somewhere has it worst then me.
next on the list I go to my appointment. I smile at the receptionist and tell her I arrived. then I wait, and wait, and wait. finally i get called, the man apologies for the wait. I smile and say not to worry.
someone somewhere has it worst then me.
he wait's till i sit down and then address me.
'your child Lucy results have come back. I'm sorry the cancer has spread. she has a couple of months left.'
he went on but I did'nt hear a word of it. after I put on my armor, I smile and thank him.
I get the bus home. I smile and give the bus driver the money. on the bus I smile and offer my seat to a pregnant lady.
I reach my home and find Mrs smock from next door, pulling her dog away from my now dug up dahlias, she apologies, I smile and tell her not to worry.
there must be someone somewhere worst of then me.
I let my self in, I can hear Lucy playing upstairs, my husband in the kitchen.
I dodge the toys on the stairs, I lean against Lucy's door frame and watch my beautiful daughter playing, she turns and smiles at me.
It's then I think everyone everywhere has it worst then me, they don't have my beautiful daughter for her few short years.
I do what any mother could do I smile. 1