Life Lesson: You are only as good as you pretend to be. I have heard the most damning person praised and the sweetest, kindest person demoralized. I have always lived and thought, been taught that there is a equal and opposite reaction to every action or object. Therefore, would it not be true that for a amount of good in a person there is also an equal amount of evil? Black-White, Grey-Red, Bright-Dim? 2
Yes. I am only as good as I pretend to be. I am chess in constant motion. Black against white, my life is uncertain, hinging on the decisions I make, the strategies I play out, the choices I opt. How well I play my pieces. I wish I was good at something. Then maybe I could have a chance at life. Have a chance to be special. Everyone wants to be special. 3
Truth One: I want to fit in. Yet I want to be special. 4
There is a distinct difference between being special and being unique. Special is what everyone wants to be. Special means you still fit in, that in some way you are just a little more awesome than everyone else is. Yet you are still a part of everything. Unique means you are alone. No one likes to be alone. 5
Everyone wishes there was someone else who felt just a little bit like they do. Every body wishes that there was someone else who just Understood. Truth two: The word Understood is to be revered. It is a special word. So few Understand, we all wish- that there was just one, one person who Understood. 6
If wishes had power I would be a very happy person. If wishes had power, maybe the world would be more naïve, more youthful, just a little more magical.Make the world a better place. But maybe not. 7
Truth three: I have no close friends. 8
Truth four: I am confused. 9
Truth five: I do not know who I am. 10
I sometimes wonder if someone out there in the big wide world feels the same way I do. I do not know if any body I am ‘friends’ with feels the same. I never ask and neither do they. We are all cowards. Just ask damn it. Yet we never do. 11
I have no idea what I want. Everything is confusing. Everything is new. Since I am confused, I cannot even enlighten you unto my confusion. Therefore, my confusion evolves into not knowing who I am anymore. All I know is that this is no longer a story, it is a telling, a telling of my life. There is a huge difference. 12
In your teenage years, you are the loneliest you have ever been. Everyone who is by you no longer realizes that you are not there anymore. Because you are not you anymore. 13
You can call me by many names. I can be Melisa, Erin, Fanny, Sarah, Brianna, Tabitha or, perhaps I am you. I am the voice you have inside you as well. I am myself, and maybe, I am you. I will make myself be Allison, because I can. I am no longer me anymore, get over it. 14
We are all stereotyped by whom we were in out pasts. It is not fair, but nothing really is. People change. I. Am. Person. 15
I have no family problems. My family is ideal. We have our moments, but my mom and dad still only have eyes for each other, and all my siblings and I get along. I. Hate. It. 16
That is truth six. 17
I wish my family had problems. I wish we were falling apart at the seams. I wish I were like other kids. Again, with the want to fit in, even if it makes my life fall apart. Even if I know, it is for the worst. I almost feel sick; I hate myself for thinking this way. Big truth seven is: if I had a reason to be this messed up I would welcome it with open arms. I despise being this messed up for no reason. 18
I ask myself: What right do I have to be this confused? What right do I have to have such mixed up feelings? Was I raped? No. Is my family tearing itself apart: No. Do I have to worry about where my next meal is coming from? No. What reason do I have for feeling this way? Answer: None. Yet here I am, crazy
alert. I feel like that sandy haired from Degrassi, Mary something? I really do not know. She was acting crappy without any real reason. I. Hate. That. Too. 19I. Am. Her. 20
Damn, damn, I feel so alone. Damn, damn, damn. Truth nine: I have a new affinity for cussing. Damn. 21
To: The Universe22
From: I am just that Pathetic: Allison. 23
Adding your comment: