I think about you1
And I just want to cry2
Then I slap myself 3
To remind myself 4
That men do not cry 5
Men do not allow themselves6
To care about another7
But I remember that day8
As if I just woke up from it9
We walked down the street10
Ready to play ball 11
When we found a good stoop12
To toss the ball against13
Deep down I always knew14
Twas trouble to be with you15
But twas me da I worried over16
Not the bloody society17
That society I tended to ignore18
Everything turns blurry 19
I can hardly see before me20
Tis like when Da held me under21
Pushing me in dirty water22
Making me hold my breath23
Until giving in ... I gasped24
I gasped, I choked, I struggled25
The will to live so strong26
Hard to believe really27
When so many times since then28
I have tried to take my life29
But aye that day reminds me30
Of nearly drowning31
To be given a choice32
My life or your life 33
Again and again I think 34
Why did I choose my own life?35
What made me so special? 36
When I was handed a weapon 37
It would have been so easy38
To turn it upon myself 39
But like a coward I turned 40
Toward you and chose to live41
In my choosing my own life42
I took away yours 43
I would never be the same44
You change when you kill 45
It becomes easier in the future46
To kill over and over again47
No more would I be drowning 48
I often wish I would have 49
Instead I spend the remainder of my days50
Regretting the choice I made51
And missing the life I took52
The friend who is no more.
Author notes
I cannot seem to finish the story I started about this. Since being in cuffs and losing my will to write I am struggling to get it back.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Yes this is the real deal and and the words , I am glad you can write them down and let it show that you do have the talent although you may
be limited on how much you can display, hopefully you get back into the writing mood, cause many could benefit from what you have to say in your stories and, nothing like firm reality and thanks was very, nice to see the end you chose.
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It's a bit startling to read something so obviously real. I've just started a contest for 'emo' stories. I feel bad now, as nothing cuts so deep as the regret on display here.
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Wow. What a story. I love the drowning metaphor, the choice to live, the baptism. I thought at first that the one who died was the father. I've read it through a few times. It's beautiful. I hope that you are able to get your writing back so I can read it in detail. Excellent job.
~Mab
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wow, this is so deeply heartfelt. I feel for you. I've been sheltered and protected my whole life, and reading something like this makes me so much more thankful for it. You have a wonderful gift. Please keep writing.
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*tears stream down my face* Love, You still have the talent in Your writing. i know this was an extremely difficult poem to write and You know i am here to listen whenever You need.
*wraps my arms tightly about You to give You a hug and just hold You tight*
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DAY-um. That's all I can say.
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Good poem. You might be struggling to get your will, but your talent is still there.
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