For Us

The tears ran down my cheeks1

As I saw His lifeless body spread across the ground2

I couldn't breathe anymore, I could only fall to the ground3

I intertwined my hand into His cold, lifless one4

Tears fell off my cheek and onto the cold cement5

I remembered the shot that had rang out when I said no6

'If only I hadn't said no,' I cried out7

I glanced over at my love, watching the blood trickle down8

I clutched the knife in my hand, not sure if I was really going to do it9

I dropped the knife and couldn't do it10

Instead, I stood up and planted a soft kiss on His cheek11

I took a deep breathe and stood up strongly12

I realized to myself it was all just a charade13

I shook my head and gripped the knife, harder this time14

The blade sunk into my delicate skin15

I couldn't live my life without Him, I had to do it16

For Him17

For Me18

For Us19

Author notes

My first time at poetry; hope you enjoyed it a little

I prefered not to do actual rhyming, I like it better this way

I do not agree with self-harm (Contest)

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Farhan gold member
    November 25
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    Edit | Reply

    Hello there!

    This was very sad and emotional. I agree with Pixie here. You should really try t incorporate it into a story. Very good for your first attempt at poetry. Keep it up. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Happy Writing
    Farhan


  • XxSceneTristanxX
    November 15
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    Edit | Reply
    That was very brilliant. I really like how the narrator felt, how she described her feelings. I did not cry but the poem was very moving.

    Good Luck!

    ~Tristan xoxo


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    For your first time at poetry, you did well. And doing it in free-verse was the better choice I believe
    I think this would also make for a good short story also so that I could see a bigger picture as well. Very sad and tragic... almost a Romeo and Juliet feel to this. Good work.

    Pixie


    • Lost Soul 12 silver member
      November 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Pixie! I've actually heard that it sounds like Romeo and Juliet. Thanks, especially for the applause!


  • Cajun.Lullaby
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    It is said that there is no story written which has not been told before. This tale, dark, and beautifully cast, is something remnicent of Romeo and Juliet.

    Nicely done. The free form did it justice.

    • Lost Soul 12 silver member
      November 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I like how you compared it to Romeo and Juliet. I didn't even think of that but good thinking! Thanks!


  • Serenity Blackheart
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. I like it. Its dark, sad, and flipin' awesome! xD Great poem. I hate ryming too, it takes away from the flow and meaning most of the time. I can't say there's anything wring with it. GREAT JOB! ^^ As to be expected of you I guess. xD Thanks for entering my contest. ^^

    • Lost Soul 12 silver member
      November 7
      Edit | Reply
      It really does take away from the flow! It sounds more aritificial and made up if it rhymes.

      How artificial and fake does 'Roses are Read, Violets are blue, I love you, and I know you love me too'?? I mean seriously! Thanks for the comment!


  • Lies4Truth
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow very deep and powerful the emotion is strong and I am one for freeverse as well. Great and emotion its truly gripping. Thank you for entering my contest and the best of luck


  • easily amused
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    First time??? Really??? This is so good.


    • Lost Soul 12 silver member
      November 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you soo much!! It really is my first time, I didn't think it was that great but thanks a loooot!!


  • ELFgirl12 silver member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    First time at poetry? I find that hard to believe. That was very good! I loved the way you didn't rhyme, but you used some repetition, which was good. Also, you did the lines perfectly, and had just the right amount of pain and sorrow in it. You should continue with poetry. Very well-written!!!

    -Ellie

    beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Lost Soul 12 silver member
      November 2
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, this is my first attempt at poetry!! I didn't like rhyming to much, to complicated for me. Thanks for the awesome comment!!

      -Strawcess (My new nickname!)

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