About J.-Chapter 4 Epilogue

Months passed by, and soon I only saw Angel once a month. After that day in December I saw him once in January. I was in love with him, and he knew it.  He said he loved me too, but soon he started to distant himself.  I kept hanging on to him, even knowing that our affair was wrong, and that we werent' meant to be.  I had ended up telling three of my friends that I was having an affair, but I didn't say with who. Now it was March, I was home bored, when he called out of the blue, he said hi to my Mom, and then asked for me,"Hello?"  "I'm coming tonight, I'll go to your window." And with that he hung up.  Later on that night he came to my window, and climbed in. I hadn't seen him in a month, but I knew something was different. For the first time, I stood naked before him, unashamed, and we made love, and while we were making love, he told me, that if I ever cheated on him, he'd kill the guy I cheated on him with.  I thought that was sweet, yet weird. I didn't pay him no mind.  Afterwards, he got dressed, and we stood before my window and hugged.  I hugged him hard because I knew, with some type of instinct, that I would never see him again.  I hugged him again and again, even though he was in a rush to leave, and before he left he kissed me, the most bitter sweet kiss I ever had, and he was gone, and I looked out of the window and new that I'd never see him again.  Later on I began to distant myself, and so did he.  I did speak to him in April and May, at times I resented him, and I hated him, I kept holding on to him, when he was never mine.  June passed and we hadn't spoken, and I left it that way.  I was depress, but I got over it.  He told me to never regret what we had.  In the end I did regret, and I felt like losing my virginity to him was the biggest mistake I had ever made.  Out of the blue he just stopped calling back in May.  Yes I knew we were growing apart but, he never said good bye, and that bothered me, it made me feel like he never cared to begin with, that he just used me. And I partially hated him for that, I also hated him because I never again wanted someone, the way I wanted him. Time passed and a year later he called my grandmothers house. My family had moved and he wanted to know where, I didn't tell him anything.  "Why are you so cold?" he asked me that, the bastard, as if he didn't know. "Because you stopped calling me like you never really cared about me, but that was the past Angel."  He was silent, and then he said, "I love you baby, I still love you." I stood, in my Grandmothers kitchen, gripping the phone, "sure you do." He seemed to get upset and before he could say anything I said," you can't bullshit me the way you used to."  I had a couple of tears sliding down my face, and my heart was beating fast.  He finally said, "I did love you."  And all I could say was goodbye. And  I whispered, "I love you too," and hung up the phone. It's been five years since that conversation.  I haven't seen him in five and a half years, and haven't spoken to him either.  I know that he lives maybe 20 mins away from the town I live in.  He lives in the city, and I, in one of its close suburbs with the love of my life.  I thought I onced loved him, and maybe I did, but I never really knew love until I met Larry, the person I've been with now for almost three years.  I know that he's with someone now and I hope that he's happy, but I never want to see him again.1