The Nightmare

His footsteps are like thunder as they storm up the stairs. Grabbing the spiderman duvet I curl myself tighter and tighter, trying to make myself invisible. It's pointless, I know it is as he always finds me. Now I'm in big trouble because Susie, my big sister, has just gone squealing to him that I've wet the bed again. 1

"Kelvin!" His voice screams at the top of the stairs and he kicks my door open.2

"I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whisper to myself over and over from under the duvet. 3

With one fast movement he pulls the duvet clean off of me and throws it on the floor. I am lying right in against the wall and the middle of the mattress is soaking wet. I know I'm in trouble, real big trouble and before he even says another word I am sobbing like a baby. 4

"How old are you?" He barks at me so loudly a whirring sound echoes in my eardrums. I can feel myself shaking and try and stop for I know it will only make him more mad.5

"I said how fucking old are you?" His cold hand is on my hair pulling it tightly and making me face him. As he swore little sprays of spittle hit my nose.6

"Six" I whisper7

"Speak up boy, I can't hear you! How old are you?"8

I try and stop my chest from heaving for a moment to say it louder. "I'm six Dad" I repeat.9

"Six years old and still pissing the bloody bed boy? Do you think that's acceptable? Do you?" 10

His eyes stare deeply into mine, who is this man I keep asking myself, is this really my father? I shake my head and lower my eyes to the floor. I want him to know I'm not proud of what I have done, it's just something that happens sometimes. I get these dreams that scare me so badly and then it happens. I don't mean it, I've tried to tell him so many times but he never listens. Then my stupid tattle tale sister has to go and get me in trouble. She is nine and thinks she knows everything just because she is older than me, sometimes I really hate her. 11

He grabs my arm roughly and pulls me down onto the floor so I am on my knees. His hand goes to the back of my head and he pushes my face firmly into the pee soaked mattress. 12

"That'll teach you not to piss the bed won't it boy?" He is laughing as he does it. I think I'm going to be sick. I keep my mouth closed, real tight, trying not to taste it. But the smell is so strong it's making me gag. I can hear my sister Susie at the door giggling and calling me a dirty little pissy pants. Then he lets go of me and tells her to come in, tells her to come and watch what happens to bad kids. He tells her to rub my face in it some more and I feel her small hands wrap themselves around either side of my head before pushing me back into my soiled mess. She is laughing like a hyena, she has no idea how humiliating this is for me. Then suddenly her hands let go and as my body shakes I realise I have just vomited all over the bed. Susie is shrieking 'cos she can't stand the sight of vomit. She tries to run out the room but Dad grabs her and pulls her back; he tells her she is going to watch whether she likes it or not. 13

He keeps one hand on the side of my head so my cheek is on the mattress and he starts to finger my sick. He slides it onto his hand then brings his fingers towards me. I squeeze my lips together as tight as they will go and close my eyes. Inside my head I am screaming for him to stop but I can't open my mouth. Even Susie is freaking out now and yelling at Dad to stop but he has gone crazy. His fingers poke through my tight lips and make me taste my own vomit and more bile begins to rise in my throat. Susie is screaming so loud it is deafening me and I want to scream at her and tell her to shut up. My ears are ringing and my face is sweating and I want it all to stop.14

"Shut up! Shut up!" I scream at the top of my lungs.15

Susie stops for a moment and even Dad looks startled. He lets go of me and grabs her instead, pulling her down close to him.16

"Do you piss yourself you disgusting little bitch?" He spits the words into her face.17

"No Daddy, I'm nine I never do that, you know it's only Kelvin that does that, I don't Daddy I promise," she says softly.18

"Stand up!" He screams at her again. 19

She stands and looks at the floor, her eyes lifting and looking at me just for a split second, then returning back to look at her frilly socks. For no reason and with no warning Dad stands to face her and kicks her right between the legs in her private parts as hard as he can. She doesn't even let out a sound, just drops to her knees and rests her forehead on the floor. But someone is screaming, it's me, I am screaming at him to leave her alone! He reaches down and pulls her to her feet by her jumper and screams even louder to her.20

"Pee yourself Susie, fucking piss yourself! Do it now!"21

Like a robot she squats to the floor and starts to do exactly as he asked. When the first trickles escape her bladder onto the floor he repeats the kick right between her legs.22

"Never pee on my floor you little bitch! Never!" He grabs her by the hair and smacks her face off of the chest of drawers. I am trying to scream or get off the floor and pull him back but I am frozen to the spot. He continues to smack her face harder and harder like a madman. She never lets out a sound. When he stops, she just lies there motionless. 23

Dad leaves the room but I'm to scared to move, quietly I whisper to her "Susie, he's gone, get up please get up. It's only going to get worse if you stay there, please get up. Please Susie!" But she doesn't move. Her head is bleeding bad but she looks like she is asleep. Then I hear Dad's footsteps coming back into the room; he has a small chair from Susie's bedroom in his hands. He screams at her to get up off the floor immediately or she would be in major trouble. 24

She still doesn't move.25

His arms swing down, over and over, smacking the chair against her skull. I am frozen to the spot, terrified, crying and screaming on the inside, silent on the outside. I put my head in my hands and try not to look as he lays into her over and over again. I am praying for her to get up before he really hurts her but she just won't move.26

Then, as she lies there bleeding and motionless, he starts to take her clothes off and loosens his belt. I can't hold back any longer and the most deafening sound escapes my lips.27

"NO! No! NO! No!"28

~*~*~29

Dr Clifford is shaking my shoulders, "it's all right son, it's all right, you're safe." His gentle but firm hands are holding me tightly as the nightmare ends and I start to awaken. 30

"You were just having another one of your nightmares Kelvin, I'll give you something to settle you and we'll talk about it in therapy tomorrow. It's only 4 a.m. time to go back to sleep."31

The needle pricks my side and I wait for the familiar floaty feeling to overwhelm me. My eyes groggily look around the room and I remember I'm in Mount View Hospital. My arms ache from my healing scars but they have taken the bandages off now. How can something that happened twelve years ago still be so fresh in my head? My left arm has a deep angry purple scar saying RIP Susie - they all ask me who she is. Was she a girlfriend? Was she someone I knew? They think I am schizophrenic, that's why I'm here. They think these nightmares are voices that tell me such awful things. 32

I never saw Dad again after that day.33

Maybe one day I'll tell them all my story.