This was it,the last night I would sell my thirteen year old body for money.It was pouring down rain I was leaning up against the brick wall on the street I worked. I had on my mini jean skirt and a white tank top no bra, why the hell not the girls stand at attation like good little solders.1
The rain was beating down on me like Julin my pimp did when I refused to shoot up like the rest of the girls.I know its only going to be a matter of time before he just sticks the needle in my arm and makes me become a junkie whore, I might sell my body but my soul is mine I won't become a soulless used up junkie whore.2
You might wonder why a girl would leave her five bed five bath house in the burbs and go into a seedy city and sell herself, well just because the house looked perfect and pretty on the outside don't mean it was on the inside.3
The cancer swept through my mom like a California wildfire, the docs said there was nothing they could do, then dear old stepdad started raping me anytime he got a hard on, and when he started bringing friends over to meet his "sweet little stepdaughter" I ran and did'nt look back. 4
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Author notes
OK I went over a little bit sorry about that I guess if you dq me then you dq me. Anyway I chose this as my inspiration
http://i276.photobucket.com/albums/kk8/brandy1518/Random%20Stuff/girl-and-rain-dark-1.jpg
A contest entry
- Short Story- Prompts by ForTheLoveOfBooks.
200 points, ended November 10, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Bitter
This story was really sad, and the speaker sounded really bitter. I like the way you characterised her like this, and made her sound way older than her actual age (which I'm sure anybody would be in that situation). You really made me want to know what was going to happen to her next, and also to beat up Julin and her stepdad!!
I also like the way you described the cancer, as a 'california wildfire', which made it sound even more horrible.
But, I think you could make the story much more readable if you read through and punctuated the sentances a bit more - it really does make a difference. I also didn't understand this sentance 'why the hell not the girls stand at attation like good little solders.' in the firs paragraph. I think I get what your trying to say, but you need to re-phrase it.
did'nt = didn't
Overall I really liked the story, especially the character you created, and would like to find out what happens to her next.
Pippy
xxx -
wow. just wow.
that was sad.
No you didn't go overboard. Crap like that really does happen, thats what got to me the most.
While I don't like to think of a 13 year old selling their body this really was a good piece, I like reading what comes to others minds when looking at the same photo. With me when I saw that pic I though of a girl who was just beaten and took off not wanting to take the pain physically or emotionally.
I love getting inside others minds even just a little ^^
Thannk you for entering and Good luck!
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