I watched the commotion as the chaos broke out all around me, people screaming and throwing up; others trying to get some order and control. My mother was in tears as she held my hand, to shook up to move me away from the scene; the scene a child of six should not see. Yet what I saw didn’t affect me like it did others; I had already seen it happen, it was almost like déjà vu. I knew it wasn’t though, I’d seen everything in too much detail. Everything the voice had shown me had happened; not one little detail was wrong. 1
I stood watching as the emergency services started showing up, pushing everyone backwards and away from where the accident had happened as more and more people crowded around, hoping to get a glance at what had happened. As the police officer tried to push us back, my mother started having a panic attack; her breathing laboured so much she was hardly taking in any oxygen. I just stood watching until she was lead over to an ambulance, the paramedic taking my hand and taking me over there too. He sat me down, a kind smile on his face trying to reassure me that everything was ok.2
“Your mums guna be fine love, you’ll be off ‘ome in no time.” I didn’t say anything, my eyes cold as I looked back at him; head slightly tilting as I compared him to the vision I had seen him in. It was a perfect match, down to the white scar that ran just under his eye. I saw the concern flicker in his eye as I remained silent, waiting for the next thing I had seen happen. 3
A scream echoed around us, a high pitched heart wrenching scream of a mother whose child had just been found amongst the wreckage. The paramedic gave me one last look before he returned to doing his job. I looked over to my mum, breathing heavy in an oxygen mask, no one paying attention to me as I slipped out of the ambulance and back into the scene of the accident. I walked over to the car I had seen, it was blue, the front of it completely crushed, stopping the door from being opened. The man inside was still young, maybe early twenties. His eyes were wide and suffocating his vision with fear. The voice had told me I needed to keep him calm, that his panicking would bring his death. I walked closer, dodging around the Car parts that had broken away in the crash. He watched me, the panic being taken over by confusion as he noticed I was heading directly to him. 4
“Hey there little one. Where are your parents?” His eyes darted around, looking for someone to come and take care of me, but no one was paying attention to us; I was meant to be here. I held my hand up to him, only following what I had seen happen inside my mind only the night before. He reaches out the window, taking my hand in his and smiling slightly at me. “You’re a cutie aren’t you?” I saw the fear leave his eyes slightly; just as I opened my mouth to speak to him someone lifted me up into their arms. This wasn’t meant to happen, I was meant to talk to the man not be dragged off. 5
I was placed at a distance, the man crouched directly in front of me, but I couldn’t hear anything he said, I just saw as the man started to panic, watched a the air bang was activated pressing against his face, blocking his airways. I screamed, trying to get past the man; to get someone’s attention to what was happening. There was so much noise no one understood what I was saying. I watched as the bag slowly started to deflate, his body falling forward with it, completely limp and lifeless. I didn’t know him; all I knew was that he wasn’t meant to die here in this accident. The voice was screaming inside my mind to, the tears starting to slide down my cheeks as my head started to pound from the screaming. 6
I felt the paramedic’s arms around me, stopping me from running over to the man whose name I didn’t even know. He was saying something in my ear, trying to calm me; but the voice was shouting louder than I thought was possible, drowning out the reality that surrounded me. I felt him left me into his arms, carrying me towards the ambulance, placing me next to my mother as she calmed down. 7
The voice got louder, shouting in a language I only recognised as hearing my Step father use when he was angry. The voice echoing around my tired mind, I had to close my eyes against the pain as it starting to cause my vision to swim, blackness closing in as the voice overtook my mind completely.8
Author notes
Chapter 2 --- http://storywrite.com/story/353008
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Engrossing
Made me want more, was intrigued from the beginning. Nice use of the first person, that's always hard to pull off.beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Amazing forever
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Lovely use of suspense! My only concern is between the tenses. Otherwise, it's a marvelous write.
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awesome
that's really good. I like it, and it's very suspenseful, which really helps to capture the imagination. You should try to get the novel published when you finish it (if you are going to make it a novel). I would defiantly go out and by the book and read it.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Absolutely shocking...
I just cant imagine myself near a victim in a car accident, its just horrible, even seeing him died...
That kid is very brave^^
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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This reminds me too much of my dreams
Scary but this seems like a great start off to a novel.. if it was supposed to be one anyway.. Very emotional and grabbing
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That is SOOOO good. Very emotive, and I loved the first paragraph. I shall be sure to read more of your work when I can. =) Great work!
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Great story!
This story is phenomenal. I was waiting to see what would happen next. There were some areas that I noticed slight grammatical twinges---I call them that because they weren't serious enough to detract from the plot and readability of your story. My time is limited at the moment so I can't go into extensive detail. You have changed your tense a lot here. Some areas are not as clear and consistent. Some sentences could afford to be shortened. These are mostly subjective preferences on my part. This is still a wonderful story and I wouldn't mind reading more of it!
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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man, Stac your good. seriously the way you write is amazing. very mature for a 6-year old. how you write this f*ed up but deep and wonderful stories, i don't know. but i like it. can't wait to read more of this story.
Schnitzel
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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good story Staci like you always do anyway. thanks for well written
story from beginning to the end. love you sister Staci your brother
Davie Artist bye now.
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Amazing
This is a brilliant story. But a six-year-old? Wow.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow
There were some parts where wrong words were used towards the second half. I liked the idea of this, premonitions and all of that. Acting out something in a dream is something I've done so well this was pretty dramatic. Anyway it was a nice read.
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