I ran down the street, sweat already forming at my forehead. I had to get away! This wasn’t my life now! It couldn’t be! I still had so much of a future! I couldn’t be dead! I was so young…1
“Heather!” His voice cried from behind, but it only made me run faster. He had done this to me, and no one else. It was all his fault. Well, not just his fault alone, but he was the closest so it was his fault.2
“Go away!” I cried, finally finding civilization. 3
I ran out into the crowd of people in the middle of a crosswalk. “Someone!” I yelled, “Someone please! Can you hear me? HELLO!”4
No one paid me any attention, though I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Finally, I pushed someone as hard as I could. I could feel them, but it was like I was pushing stone. “Hey!” I yelled at the man I pushed. “Come on and fight me, you punk!”5
I got no response.6
I searched desperately through the crowd, finding a woman. I slapped her across the face, and my hand instantly stung from the contact. “Fight back!” I yelled, “Fight me back! I just totally slapped you, you ugly cow! You stupid pig!”7
The crosswalk cleared, and I realized the light turned green. Cars began to drive, but I stood where I was. The ultimate test. 8
They weren’t moving too fast, but it was enough to break a leg. A large, white van was moving closer and closer. I stood where I was, looking down at the pavement where my shadow should be. You really realize how sad you are when the smallest of things you truly have are gone… 9
Just as I suspected, the car went straight through me. It felt weird, like a cold wave coated the inside and outside of my body. Irony. Sweet irony. When I was little, I had to look both ways when crossing the streets and now I had no need whatsoever. 10
A single teardrop fell from my face, hitting the street below. It was the only thing that could be known of my existence. I got to the other side of the road, now completely wrapped up in misery. Besides me being screwed, I was dead – completely dead.11
Author notes
Just did this and decided it would be cool to get it posted. I like the idea of this story, and I think it's going to take off rather well, especially because of the way my other novel did on this site.
Yes, it's another love story but not as serious. I'm not exactly going to make it the MAIN focus of my work.
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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you didn't tell me about this one! it sounds good so far, it's intriguing i wanna read more!
~Alice
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First of all, great technical work. I try to point out grammatical errors and typos I may see but I couldn't see any in this.
The prologue itself was really good. I figured out she was a ghost before it was revealed, so even though it was totally obvious, I got to feel smart lol.
Great work for so few words. :-)
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pretty good
I think this is pretty good for a prologue. i guess I would like to see what happens here. I liked the tear drop part. i think that was a nice simple touch. There are a few awkwardly worded sentences, but I am sure they will be fixed in a rewrite
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Thanks, I've already done the tweaking that you're talking about. ALL of my chapters that I post here are roughly sketched, so people can't steal the TRUE masterpiece of my work when it's completely finished.
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I feel as if I am missing out on something big not being able to see your true genius.
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You aren't missing out on a lot lol. Just a couple of rewriting here and there, nothing spectacular.
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