Thought

I am alone.1

On the street corner.2

Standing.3

Leaning against a building,4

Rain pouring around me.5

I am wet.6

It is dark.7

Mascara runs down my face,8

Mingling with my tears.9

Why? 10

Why do I care?11

He left.12

So what?13

I should have seen it coming.14

I didn’t.15

I care.16

It hurts.17

Another tear slides down my face, a mere drop in the ocean of my sorrow.18

I loved him.19

I still do.20

I shouldn’t.21

He hurt me.22

I should hate him. 23

I don’t.24

I want to.25

I kick at a rock.26

I miss,27

Stubbing my toe.28

It hurts.29

But not as badly as he hurt me. 30

Will I get over him? 31

I should.32

I won’t.33

I will.34

Will I?35

I want to forget.36

I can’t.37

Can I?38

A car roars by,39

Sending up 40

A sheet of water.41

I am soaked.42

I already was.43

The driver stops.44

And apologizes. 45

I think46

It’s him. 47

Is it?48

I can’t tell. 49

He waves me over,50

To his car.51

I start running.52

Away.53

As far as I can go.54

My feet splash through puddles. 55

My heart is pounding. 56

My side is cramping.57

Still I run.58

Away. 59

Into the dark.60

I am free.61

I slow my pace,62

And look up at the night sky.63

Through the rain,64

I see the moon,65

A mere sliver in the night,66

But it will grow bigger,67

Stronger.68

As the moon waxes and wanes,69

So do I.70

So does my heart.71

I will forgive.72

Though I will not73

Forget. 74

I loved him.75

Now I don’t.76

I am stronger77

Than him.78

He cannot break me.79

I smile,80

And wipe away my tears. 81

I will never forget,82

That I am me.83

Nobody can bring me down,84

It is my choice,85

It is always my choice.86

I will not forget that. 87

Ever, 88

Author notes

Umm, this is weird. Sorry....
So yeah, I need another title, any suggestions?

7. http://i276.photobucket.com/albums/kk8/brandy1518/Random%20Stuff/girl-and-rain-dark-1.jpg


~DBC

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • easily amused
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    wow.


  • PippyFruit
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Poignant

    Hi,
    This story is really interesting in the way you have set it out. I like the short lines because it makes it seem as though the speaker's thoughts are all broken up, which makes this piece more emotional.
    I think it is very relevant to the prompt you used, and I could have guesed without clicking the link that it was the picture of the girl in the rain.
    One suggestion is that you could make some of the sentances a bit longer, so that the text isn't all broken up. I think it would be interesting to have the contrasting lines: short and broken, longer and flowing... but it's just an idea.
    Oh and I spotted a spelling mistake on line 80 = Then him. It should be Than him.
    Other than that, this was a really good peice nd very creative an imaginitive. It really works as a one off piece, even though it makes me want to read more.
    Good luck in the competition!!
    Pippy
    xxx

    • DeathByChocolate
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so so so much for the comment. It seems like you really put some thought into it! Oops, yeah I make that mistake a lot....

      Thanks,
      ~DBC


  • john reed bell
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    it sounds kinda like my poetry. like having so much heartache and pain in it this is good some was lines was i little bite edgy but man its pretty good through out.

    • DeathByChocolate
      November 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks any suggestions?

      • john reed bell
        November 1
        Edit | Reply
        just try your best. be your self while your writing poetry. if you think its good then thats all that matters im just a person that helps you to write it better by commenting or judging it by commenting s dont worry what people tell you just write what you want thats all. any more questions or you just want to talk message me okay later.


  • ForTheLoveOfBooks silver member
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    I like your choice of wording but it doesn't flow very well. I like that the moon brings her up from her downfall. Title...humm...what about The moons gaze, or Hidden tears?
    Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

1 - 8 of 8