The Salem Warrior (A romance short story) (complete)

His deep blue eyes met with my green eyes. I quickly looked away, feeling the heat in my cheeks rise. Just feeling happy and joyful inside. I noticed the part was dull but then he arrived and it made it feel more hot and steaming. 1

I walked over to William, looking like a complete fool, I tapped on his shoulder and asked him to dance. He turned to face me and smiled warmly.2

"Ah Princess Elizabeth, why of course my lady, in fact I'd be honored to dance with the most beautiful woman in this room." William replied, taking me by the hand and guiding me to the middle of the ballroom to dance with him.3

"So, Sir William, How's the troops so far? I tried my best to get the best." I declared, trying my hardest not to step on his new shoes.4

"I must say they are fine men, the best I ever worked with! I thank you for your generosity Princess Elizabeth." William announced to me, smiling proudly.5

"Please Sir William, I hate to be called that by an old friend. Please just call me Eliza, it's more pleasing to me." I asked, my eyes sparkling with hope.6

"As you wish Princess- I mean Eliza." He remarked, slowing his pace now.7

"My lady, I must go now, I must make plans for the troops. I hope you'll excuse me." William replied, stepping away from me now.8

"Yes General." I groaned, giving his a sad smile.9

"Oh come now Eliza, don't be sad." William told me, giving me a quick kiss on the hand. 10

"Goodbye Eliza." He declared, bowing while I curtsied. Watching his rush out of the room and I waved at no one. 11

"Goodbye my William." I finally whispered, letting out a small breath.12

Walking out to the balcony, the stars shone so bright that I forgot that the party was still going on. But while I was looking up at the stars I wondered if he would ever love me like I loved him? If he'd see how much I cared for him and how much I wanted him happy?13

I just wanted him to hold me, that's all I needed.14

"Princess? Is that you?" I heard a booming voice call out. A small smile rose to my lips and I turned. "There's my little girl!" father laughed.15

"Hello daddy!" I replied, as he gave me a huge bear hug till I complained. Laughing, he let go and took a step back to look at me.16

"Why so sad my little music ballerina?" He asked.17

"I am fine, I assure you father. I just am a little tired and wish for a little piece and quiet." I answered and he nodded.18

"I understand my dear, I give you permission to leave the party and take a break down in my garden." My father smiled and I smiled back.19

"Thank you father. I love you. Enjoy the party." I whispered and walked past him to the stair way.20

"Your welcome, I love you too and by the way, there is something down there waiting for you." He boomed after me. I wondered what it could be.21

Finally reaching the bottom of the stairway, I sat on the bench that was by the pretty blue pond. Something warm pressed on my shoulder and I turned to see Sir William. I blinked in bewilderment. 22

 23

"Happy birthday Eliza." He whispered and pulled me up into a warm hug. 24

 25

"I thought..." I started but his finger pressed to my lips.26

 27

"I only told you that, so I could have time to get this all ready for you." he whispered and I looked behind him to see a beautiful setting of candles, food and a table waiting for us.28

 29

"Wow, I don't know what to say." I bit my lip.30

 31

"Then don't say anything." He whispered, his voice low.  Turning back to him, his lips crushed into mine. Heat blasting through out my body.32

 33

Finally, pulling away, he smiled at me. "We have known each other since the day we met Eliza. Since the day you saved me from being hung when I was 8 years old, I fell in love with you. And now I have one question for you." He started. Breathing heavily, I nodded to him for him to go on. 34

 35

"Will you marry me Princess Elizabeth?" He asked. Tears running down my eyes. Happy and wanting to kiss him over and over again tears.36

 37

"Yes. Yes. and thousand times more, YES!"  I cried out and he pulled up high to the sky. Laughing glee, he put me down and put the ring on my finger. 38

 39

This story is of a princess who saves a peasant boy and falls madly in love with him over the years. He has become a general of her army and was a brave strong man. One day, on her birthday, he asks her hand in marriage. After the wedding, he leaves to fight in the war. Leaving her with a child in her belly. After fighting 11 months in the war, he was killed and never got to even see or even know he had a child. The baby was a little girl with his eyes and her hair. The princess grew older and became queen after her father was poisoned. From then on, her lover was remembered as the Salem warrior...  40

Author notes

****Prompts I used:

1. 'Hold me, just hold me that's all I need'

3. 'Looking up at the stars I wondered...' *****

A contest entry

What do ya think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • E Ardania
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    At first I thought this 'Princess Elizabeth' was the same as Elizabeth I. However, it turned out to be a nice little read despite it being not the person who I thought it would be about! The ending was heartbreaking, but it's realistic (not always the fairytale ending, eh? Good on you for it!).

    You've captured some emotion in your story, but I'd love to see more of it. More descriptions of the setting - the lake or the glamour of the ballroom, etc. - would also give the story more body and will allow the reader to visualise what surroundings the characters are in. More description of the characters would also be good. I love the references to the past; it gives your story a bit more background.

    As for SPaG - not a lot of them. I noticed a missing 'y' in 'party' in the first paragraph. Also, you use a [.] instead of a [,] when writing dialogue. A little instance of confusion between your/you're. In some places, I think you should chop long sentences into a few, or lengthening out others, as they are more effective that way.
    ["Your welcome, I love you too and by the way, there is something down there waiting for you." He boomed after me.] --> "You're welcome. I love you, too. And by the way, there is something down there waiting for you," he boomed after me.

    A couple of sentences also confused me a little - ["We have known each other since the day we met Eliza.] --> Would they not have known each other since they met... because they've.. 'met'?

    This is a great piece of writing. Just a few tweaks and adjustments needed. Thank you for entering the contest, and best of luck to you!

  • Let me know when you finish this, would like to know which prompt you used.
    I like it so far ^^
    Good luck and thanks for entering the contest ^^


    • StarOfDreams23
      November 4
      Edit | Reply
      I have finished!!!! I hope you like it!!!

      • ForTheLoveOfBooks silver member
        November 10
        Edit | Reply
        Oh god that made my cry!!! Just what I was looking for!
        While I loved it! I wish the end would have been in her P.O.V.
        It was still very very good!
        Once again thanks for entering and good luck!