The Chronicilised Tellings of a Man called Joe - Volume 1 - Episode 1

(I will only continue this EPIC tale if you want me to. If you tell me to scrap it, I will. If you don't leave any comments, it will remain 'neutral territory'... Like Switzerland, only with less army knies...)1

'This is it! I've... I've graduated... Surely everything will only get better from here'2

Joe shut off his inner monolouge, as he was bored of it, after all, his inner monolouge was no good, now that he had graduated! His graduation certificate in one hand, and his... hat-thing, in the other, Joe walked, amidst the cheers and laughter of peers.3

He'd taken, what he called 'the only subjects that matter, these days', which included the three main ones, Science, English and Maths (still known to his parents as Reading, 'Riting and 'Rithmentic, often confusing Joe, as none of those really fitted well into Science, and the one which SHOULD be science, instead passed itself off as redoing of English, with only a distinct difference)4

He was surprised at the amount of choice availabe in college... either that or he was surprised at the the fact that the author knew nothing about college while writing this... but the stories not going to be about college now, isn't it? No... It's going to be about his life AFTER college... which counts as 'adulthood' ...Am I digressing?5

Anyway, since the law's of college are tangible in this story, he also took Geography and RS, he claimed that despite his atheism, most people will think that he's a Christian, and give him a job. Double points if they hire him as a missionary, because of his degree in Geography, he'd always wanted teach the natives Poker.6

But here he was, two years later, and he still had is virginity... In Joe's eyes, this was a gain, now he can have more fun, while he already HAS a job, rather than not being able to have any fun, while trying to find a job, because he actually had a good education, rather than just wanting to get laid all the time, like all the main characters in the sixth Harry Potter book.7

Joe turned to him mum and dad, who'd looked on him as the stupid one, and his older brother as the smart one, this might have something to do with the fact that Joe's brother, played sport.8

In Joe's parents eyes, brawn counted as brain.9

"Well, mum, dad... You remember last month when you wished I could be more like my brother... well, I've deleted you from ALL my contacts, and I'm not giving you my adress"10

His parents stood, aghast...11

"That's a little extreme, isn't it?"12

"Dad... Harry was arrested the day before, for sexual assault"13

"That's right. My boy's getting laid! Look at you, with your books, and your, err... what are those things called?"14

"What things?"15

"The things... you put your pencil in them, and it makes a circle..."16

"Oh, they're called compasses"17

"No, no, no... they're the things that point in directions, north, south and so on"18

"Yeah, they're both called compasses"19

Joe's dad, gave Joe a cold, hard stare...20

"You think you know it all, don't you?"21

"What?"22

"Correcting me..."23

"I was only helping"24

"Why can't you be more like your sister?"25

Joe didn't bother... His sister had killed herself, a few years ago.26

Joe slunked away, to his friend. They were pretty much two halve's of what a person should be like... almost like a dominate race... If one of them had a sex-change, and they both had sex, they would give birth to a mega-human, capable of anything! ...I'm NOT counting skin colour's into their epictivity, mind you. Good god, no... in fact... one was black, the other is white, happy?27

I'll leave you to decide who's who.28

Anway... BACK TO THE SLUNKING!29

"Hey Dude"30

"Hey Joe"31

Dude used to be called King, but he changed his name to Dude, by deed poll.32

Apparantly, King wasn't his original name, either, but no one knows what his name before that was... anyone apart from Dude, who knew it, all get murdered... mysteriously.33

Dude will play a significant part in Joe's life... well, of course he will! Dude's offered Joe the spare room in his penthouse apartment... (For your information, this can be set in ANY country... I don't think we have penthouse apartments in the part of Britain I'm imagining... so I'm going for New York, but it's really up to you)34

"So, should I move my stuff in now, or later?"35

"Actually Joe, I've been thinking, I've got this new girlfriend--"36

"When haven't you?"37

"Very funny. But, I think it would be better if she moved in, rather than you."38

Everyone nearby, stood there, shocked.39

Especially me.40

This choice has changed the entire course of what I had planned for the story... I hope Dude's happy...41

"W-what?"42

"Yeah, but listen. There should be someone who'll take you in."43

At this point, Joe's parent's were just happening to be walking past.44

"We'll take him!"45

Joe looked at Dude, in anguish.46

"You're... fucking... kidding me"47

Joe put his head in hands, but nodded slowly, and went to find the person he'd hoped to work for.48

Mr. Paulson, was a large man in many way's... mostly in weight. But what I'm trying to say here, is that he's a rich person, so stick with the flow, okay? Anyway, Mr. Paulson, hired people with good credentials, and people often alluded to him as being the next Bill Gates... if only Bill Gates were earning two pounds less per. second.49

Joe looked to this man, as a sort of mentor... one who never spoke to him... but a mentor, all the same.50

They had a few discussions on the phone recently, regarding the possibiltity of Joe being hired.51

"Mr. Paulson?"52

"Aww, please, call me Paul"53

"Okay... Paul..."54

"Hmm... nah, I don't like that as much... Mr. Paulson gives me a feeling of power..."55

"Okay, Mr. Paulson"56

"No, you've called me Paul once already, I'll never be able to look at you the same way again... get out of my sight, wise guy..."57

And with that, Mr. Paulson left...58

Joe stood there, flabbergasted... It wasn't so much him being rejected, he just thought of something. What the fuck was Mr. Paulson doing at college graduation!?59

Joe shrugged it off, and thought about himself once more.60

He'd fucked up the oppurtunity for the job of a lifetime, and he was living with his parents.61

'Hello there, Joe? Miss me?'62

Fucking...63

Inner...64

Monolouges...65

TBC.