A long, long time ago, long before Johnny Green put poor Pussy in the well, Little Jack Horner was sitting in the corner of a field of corn munching on a fruitmince pie that had fallen from the tray of the Pieman who was on his way to the fair. 1
While he was eating away, Jack poked his thumb through the golden flaky pastry and pulled out a plum and thought, “Gosh, I’m clever. Who else can pull a plum out of a pie with their thumb? Nobody I bet!”2
With that he munched up the rest of the pie, brushed the crumbs from the little short shirt his mammy had made for him, and with plum in hand he sauntered off down the lane where the little boy lived who had a coat made of the wool from the back of the black sheep that belonged to the farmer in the Dell. 3
On his way down the lane he met Little Bo Peep. She was crying. “Oh Jack,” she said. “Have you seen my sheep? I have lost them and don’t know where to find them.”4
“Silly girl” thought Jack. “If you have lost your sheep, of course you won’t know where to find them. If you knew where to find them, then they wouldn’t be lost!” 5
“Just leave them alone and they’ll come home.” Said Jack. (Which was a bit silly of Jack because if Bo Peep had lost her sheep and didn’t know where they were, she would have to leave them alone. Wouldn’t she?)6
“Just leave them alone and they’ll come home wagging their tails behind them.” Said Jack. (Silly Jack. Did he think they would wag them in front?)7
Jack left Bo Peep sitting by the roadside among the for-get-me-nots, and carried on his merry way. He knew where the sheep were but he wasn’t telling Bo.8
The sheep were off visiting Mary and her little lamb. You know the one with the fleece as black as coal, and every time it wagged its tail, you saw its dirty … bottom, but that’s another story!9
Further on down the lane, Jack came upon Contrary Mary with all the town’s maids sitting in a row among the bluebells and the cockleshells. He was looking for Miss Muffet, and sure enough, there she was at the very end of the row, sitting on a tuffet. No wonder she was getting fat! She was eating curds and whey and it was making her as round as the mulberry bush where she some times danced but more often than not, where she fell over.10
As Jack approached Miss Muffet, he saw Eencey Weencey spider coming up the lane from the other end. Jack saw Eencey talking away to Miss Muffet and then get up and wander off among the cockleshells in Contrary Mary’s garden. 11
When Jack Horner reached Miss Muffet, he found her crying also, just like Bo Peep. Now Jack knew that it couldn’t be about sheep because Little Miss Muffet didn’t have any sheep and it wasn’t because she fell down for she had not been to the mulberry bush in such a long time. Jack Horner wondered if the crying was because of something Eencey Weencey had said to her, but it wasn’t that either. He sidled up to Miss Muffet and asked her what the problem was.12
“Jack” she said, “There I was, sitting on my tuffet when I noticed my pantaloons all tattered and torn. Now Jack, don't jump to conclusions, it wasn’t Eencey the spider that had sat down beside me that did this, but it was that rascal Little Boy Blue with his horn!”13
Sammy November 200514
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Yes she would blush indeed, Sammy.... And I'm telling Granny Goose on you
She was very instrumental in Mother Goose's writing, ya know.
I love this fun read,and I knew all along that with all those Horny little boys and contrary girls, there had to be a story in there somewhere ..... or at least a good soap opera
Now I'm going to read more of your marvelous stories for the kiddies. Kiddies... well maybe not the kiddies but most certainly the kids at heart...lol
Love this
And you, too
Dee
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Thanks so much for coming by to comment Paul. It is very much appreciated. I think Mother Goose would blush if she read some of my versions of her tales ...
Sammy -
lol and the moral of this story is never sit next to horny boys in blue well done I wont tell mother goose you were on her patch lol nice write Sammy
Paul -
Oh Wattle, How could you say such a thing!
Me? The Teacher?
Me look at her boobies?
No no no ...
We never went behind the bike shed ... no no no!
I was a GOOD boy ... Ask my Sunday School Teacher how good I was ...
Thank you for reading.
Sammy
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'Dreamweaver' congratulations on a clever write. I’m quite sure when your governess was reading nursery rhymes to you years ago, she read far too many, and I’m sue you pretended not to hear so she lent forward more affording you a view of her cleavage. – It explains your thought processes. Thank you.
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Thanks Katie, I'm glad that you enjoyed this romp through Nursery Land with Mother Goose and me ...
It was such fun writing this. When you think of it, there is a wealth of characters and adventures in Fairytale Land to fill a 100 stories.
But I think I have done my lot. I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Take care dear lady,
Sammy
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Excellent story!
This is delightful Sammy, here we have some of the most loved characters of nursery rhyme written into a story that will bring delight to those who read it, (those with the attention span of a two year old of course would have no idea!
) I love the way you have developed this one, taking us through each character with a setting that is quite believable to the particular knowledge we have of each one. I wonder why the Mullberry bush was popular with Miss Muffet? that bit made me giggle, as I imagined an inebriated spider trying to spin a webb in such a state lmbo... This is especially adorable Sammy, imagine finding an illustrated, colourful story book with all these nursery rhyme characters in! it would be like Christmas and Birthdays all rolled into one. I remember what I called my first "grown up" story book I was given by a friend of the family, it was Cinderella, what I remember most and loved, were the pictures in such beautiful colour and a story that enthralled me... had I had the good fortune to have been able to have a story book such as you have written of here, then I would have been ecstatic
Keep your magic flowing Sammy, you do have a particular talent for these kind of stories, I am proud of you
Always
~Katie~
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Thank you Michelle for enjoying this little trip of mine down memory lane with Mother Goose. It sure was fun.
Sammy -
Thank you Shancy. It was a pleasure to receive your comment.
Thanks again,
DW -
"tis a shame that your attention span only covers the few lines that it takes to read a haiku. You are missing out on some wonderful poetry and stories by being so shallow.
Have a good day.
DW -
Thank you Rachel. I truly appreciate you coming by.
Take care,
DW -
LMAO! at you TitanDR. The time it took you to say all that you could have read the story, and it's easy to see that it is a story for it has a book beside it.
Maybe you should do a little more reading to help your attention span!
DW
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A genuine Masterpiece
Smiling broadly I see your off and running. Only you Sammy could do it so wonderfully. The blending is perfect. I am reminded of the broadway play I saw "Into the Woods" The characters are all familiar ones from fairy tales. "This includes a beleaguered young maiden called Cinderella, an abstracted boy named Jack and the Giant, a childless Baker and his Wife, Rapunzel, the Prince, and the witch, Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf." Sammy, you have pulled together and in one fluid motion, made one stupendous story of Mother Goose's nursery rhymes as well as Sondhiem did of the fairy tales. With hands gracefully out to my sides, I curtsy deep and low before you. Bravo my dear sir, bravo!!
~Michelle~
Edited on Nov 09, 6:18 p.m. because ''. -
Oh, I did enjoy this one. I love the nursery rhymes. You did a
great job. Shancy. -
Thank you Grannyeri for coming by to comment.
Much appreciated.
DW -
Didn't much more than Titandr exception did at least the endpart but more because I dont'like this kind of telling some strange of meaningless ending. CAn't figure why I should read more of it so hopefully next time better.
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good write.. it was creative.. as said grannyeri.. good job
-Rachelle -
I started to read it, but then i stoped and looked over the bulk of it and realized it looked more like a journal or a story , i just kinda figured it to be a poem, so sry im not gonna give a comment on it!
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You will be redoing all the nursery rhymes by the time you are finsihed this project, From the eency weency spide, to Jack Honer, you have been busy writing. Very creative and enjoyable to read. Keep writing.
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