Justin's Death: The Funeral

Justin’s parents decided to have his funeral on Thursday afternoon. I decided to go because I at least owed Justin that much. I put on black skinny jeans, a black shirt, black flats and a black hoodie. I looked at myself in the mirror five times deciding if this was what I really wanted to do. I had my cousin drop me off at the cemetery. I stood in the back next to a tree, because it was an open casket and I didn’t want to see his face. Ian looked up at me. I gave him a tiny smile. The priest started saying something, but I didn’t listen. I just looked at everybody. Justin’s friends were crying. It really upset me to see any of them like this.1

When they started lowering the casket into the ground, all the memories we had together flashed through my head. I had to look away. I couldn’t bare it. One of my best friends was going to be six feet under ground. Somewhere I’ll never see him again. Tears rolled down my cheeks. When it was over, Justin’s parents turned around and looked at me. Something about their expressions was wrong. They were so stiff and rigid as if they didn’t even shed a tear. His mom just nodded her head and turned towards Mike. I was only a few feet away so I could hear what she was saying. 2

“Mike when we get home. Start packing your stuff. We’re moving.” She said. “What? I’m not moving. This is where Justin’s buried. Why would I move?” Mike said. “I don’t care. I said we’re moving.” His father said. “Your son, my brother is six feet underground dead you expect me to move! Your son’s dead. He’s gone. Never coming back. I’m not leaving him. I promised I’d always be by his side. That’s a promise I’m not going to break.” Tears ran down his face. I looked at him. This was exactly what I didn’t want Mike to feel. Pain. He’s never felt pain in his life before. Now his brothers dead and his worlds falling apart. I felt bad for him.3

“I understand sweetie, but I think it’ll be better if we just leave this all in the past.” His mother said. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. You could see it in Mike’s eyes how much he was hurting. “What kind of mother are you? I’m staying here. I don’t want to put this in the past. I can never be able to. How heartless can you be?” Mike said. His eyes connected with mine. Mike maybe 2 years older than me, but not even him knew how to handle pain. He turned around and started making his way towards his car. I ran after him.4

I caught his arm and spun him around. “It’s ok.” I said, hugging him. “No. it’s not.” He muttered. He was right. It wasn’t ok. It never would be. We just stayed hugging each other for the next five minutes. “Come on. Let’s go get some pizza or play some video games.” I said, trying to distract him. He pulled back and looked at me. “Papa John’s?” He sniffed. I smiled. “Anything you want. I’ll pay.” Pizza or video games were the only things that could get his mind off of stuff.5

We got into his car and drove to Papa Johns. I ordered his favorite pizza and some drinks. “How do you handle it?” He asked me when I sat down. “Handle what?” I asked. “The pain.” I sighed and pulled up my sleeve, exposing scars on my skin. New and old. “ You cut?” “Yep. That’s why they could me emo.” I said. He touched his skin then mine. “Does it help?” He asked. “It distracts me for a while.” “Will it hurt?” “Not so much, but don’t do it please. I’m trying to stop. It’s a deadly thing. I never want you to hurt yourself got that? No matter how much it hurts.” I said. I meant this too. I didn’t want to have to start worrying about him too.6

“I won’t.” He said looking out the window. I rested my hand on the side of my face put my elbow on the table to support my weight. I just looked at Mike. I sighed. He reminded me so much of his brother. Mike looked at me, tears forming in his eyes. “I can’t handle it Rose. It hurts.” He said. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I know it does.” I said. Paid the bill and pulled Mike to his car. He drove us to his house. When I opened the door, Justin’s parents were in the living room packing. “I’m not moving.” Mike said. “Yes you are. Don’t argue with me.” His mother said. “I’m not leaving my brother. Justin was right when he said all you guys do is run away when things get tough. To think I actually stood up for you. You guys aren’t even worth loving.” His mom’s eyes filled with tears. 7

His father tried to comfort her. Mike just grabbed my hand and pull me upstairs to his room. Upstairs he sat on his bed and started crying which made me cry too. I went over and hugged him. We laid in his bed for hours crying. He fell asleep eventually. I kissed his cheek and got up. I looked at him for a few seconds. He didn’t deserve to suffer this much. He wasn’t suppose to.8

I sighed and went downstairs. Ian was in the living room along with Mike’s father. “You really shouldn’t move. Mike’s really torn up about this.” I said. “Don’t tell me what to do.” He said, disgusted. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just saying. He’s really upset right now.” “We don’t need your say in this. This is none of your concern.” He said, with an attitude. “This is my concern. Mike’s one of my good friends and I hate to see him hurt.” “I don’t care. Get it through your skull. It doesn’t concern you!” He yelled. “Don’t get mad at me because your cold hearted! Do you even understand what Mike’s going through? He just lost his brother. The one that he always hung out with. His best friend. Running away from this doesn’t solve anything. He’s hurting right now. He doesn’t want to leave his brother. Don’t yell at me because you can’t handle this on your own.!” I yelled.9

He looked at me and slapped me. I could feel the sting on the left side of my face. I looked at me. Tears stung my eyes. “It’s your fault in the first place. Your fault he’s dead.” He said. I ran to Ian and cried. “What the hell is your problem? Why the fuck did you do that?” Ian said, hugging me. “It’s my fault Ian.” I cried. “It’s not her fault. She’s the only thing that brighten up his life. Rose was like his sister, He loved her. Never say it’s her falut. You know it wasn’t.” Ian said angrily. He wiped my tears way . “It’s ok. It wasn’t your fault ok.” I looked at him. “Nothing was your fault. “I nodded. “Good. Now I’m going to go check on Mike. I want to talk to him.” He kissed my forehead and went upstairs.10

Justin’s father was staring at me. “Mike’s not invincible. He hurts too. Please don’t take him away from his brother. “ I said, quietly. “Don’t tell me what t do! Don’t tell me how I should handle this. I don’t need your help.!” He yelled. “Yes you do.” He punched me in the stomach. It felt like I was just stabbed. “Don’t tell me how to run my life.” “I was just trying to help.” I said, tears running down my face. He pushed me to the wall and started punching me. I put my arms up to prevent him from punching me in the face. I could have yelled or screamed or even fight back, but he was just angry so I let him do it. Even if it hurt. He kept punching me. I just kept crying though. “What the hell? Mike said, coming downstairs and pulling his father off of me.11

I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried. Ian picked me up. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. He put me on the couch and looked at my arms. They weren’t that badly bruised. He looked at me. “I’m sorry.” I said, crying. He hugged me. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s ok. Don’t cry ok.” He said. I sniffed and nodded. “What the hell is wrong with you? She didn’t even do anything. Why the fuck did you abuse her? I have every right to call the cops on you.” Mike said to his father. “His father was about to say something, but I talked first. “Don’t call the police. It’s fine.” I said. They looked at me. “It’s fine. Look at you Rose.” “It’s fine Mike. He was just angry and confused. It’s ok seriously. I’m fine.” He looked at me and sighed. “Fine, but next time if happens your going o have some problems with me.” Mike said, narrowing his eyes and walking back to us. 12

“Your just like your brother. You could never fight back could you? Your weak and pathetic.” His father said. Mike stopped. He looked at me. “Don’t.” I mouthed. I knew what he was going to do. He didn’t listen to me. He turned around and punched his father. “I’m the pathetic one? Never talk about Justin like that. You need to learn to shut up.” He said. His father got up and rubbed his jaw. He looked at Mike and pushed him up against the wall. I knew where this was heading. He punched him. “Mike!” I screamed. Mike’s father looked at me. I ran over to Mike and held him before this turned into a fight. “Don’t.” I whispered.13

He was shaking, but he relaxed. “Never punch me again.” Mike said to his father. His father just smiled. “What the hell is your problem?” I asked him. “What’s my problem?” He said. “Yes your problem. You act like you don’t care, but I know you do. You miss Justin just like all of us. Stop denying it. You loved him and you know you did.” For a few seconds his whole act fell. He loved Justin and I knew he did. No father could say they didn’t love their child. “It’s ok to admit it. Your not the only one who misses him.” He looked at me. “I don’t miss him. Don’t try to tell me how I feel.” He said. “I’m not trying. It’s written in your eyes. It’s ok to cry.” “I don’t miss him!” He yelled. “I’m trying to help.” “I don’t need help!” “Yes you do! Why can’t you just admit it that you love him??!!” I cried. Tears came out his eyes. “I did love him. I’m really upset that he’s gone. He was a good son. I’m happy you made him happy.” He said. He looked at Mike, who was crying too.14

“I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want to remember this. He was a good son.” Mike came over and hugged him. “It’s ok.” Mike said. I was happy I helped them solve their problem. I went over to Ian and just hugged him. “Are you ok?” He asked. “Ok is really not the word I would use, but I’m fine.” I said. He smiled. Mike came over and hugged me. “I love you Rose.” He said. I hugged him back. “I love you too Mike. I’d do anything to make you happy you know that.” I said. He looked me and smiled. Then kissed my forehead. Then went to go help his father unpack. I just smiled and looked at them I would have to keep an eye on Mike from now on. He may seem happy now, but his pain will come back. I’ll find a way to make thing work. It’s my job to anyway. 15