Halloween Morning

Wow. This morning is really turning out to be a cacophony of horror. Why? You may ask. The answer to, "Why," is actually quite simple. I woke up this morning October 31st of 2009, at six o'clock in the fucking morning. I should have been punished severely for this indecency to my body! This UNGODLY hour of six o'clock shouldn't even exist!1

Well, that wasn't the problem. The problem is this: I stepped on a cockroach getting out of bed. Yup, that's what happened. I got up sideways out from under my covers and flopped my then-fetal position legs upon the cold tiles two feet below me, and what happens? I step on the biggest cockroach I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. 2

I know, I know. Not a big deal right? No, you my friend, are dead wrong. Instead of putting weight on my foot and crushing the little bastard, I jump up, and onto my bed. I think I pissed the dude off ... I think I heard him hiss at me. He started flying around and glaring at me with his little beady eyes. DAMN I hate those eyes. 3

In retaliation, I slowly work up the courage(and eye-coordination, which at six o'clock in the fucking morning is impossible)and roll up a copy of my latest issue of Game Informer and I swat at him! I miss... Of course. So we duke it out for a few minutes before I actually get him in mid-air and send him flying to the back wall of my room, right onto my keyboard.4

I whisper, "Huzzah you little bastard," and walk over to him, Game Informer help high over my head. Unfortunately, I had spoke a bit too soon. After twitching for a good several seconds, he found his footing and flew straight at me. AT ME. Okay, I don't think your getting it, that god damn cockroach has committed a first degree felon! HE ASSAULTED ME!5

So well, i'm embarrassed to admit this(After saying all of the above, NOW i'm embarrassed?), but I fell on my ass and squeeled like a little boy. 6

*Sigh*7

After struggling for a second, he flew off of me and toward door, escaping under the little crevice below it. I say to myself, "Shit... He knows what I look like."8

He'll be back with friends... I'm screwed aren't I?9