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The city’s toxic fumes swept down my lungs as I take a long deep breathe. I’ve inhaled so much all these 14 years, I’m surprised I’ve not wound up dead, yet. The dialogue, from the busy city traffic, and the noises from the people shouting, fades. I’m left alone on these hollow steps, at the feet of New York.1

The rips and tears on my jeans seem bigger today, and I think my curls seem less like…curls. I just sit here, bottom exposed to the coldness threw the slits in my very thin-layered pants. I am waiting for her, but she’s not coming back and I know it. I’m just not able to accept it; I’m hiding from the truth.2

The coldness in the air is getting to me, and it shows. My cheeks are very red, and my nose it to. The winters wind is upon me, and it’s breathing down my neck. I can’t do anything about it, or anything else. I used to think I was worthless and I still do, I couldn’t prevent her from leaving, and so now she’s gone…forever.3

I remember it like yesterday, not that it was anyway. I was wrapped in the warmth of the comforter, that I demolished my small existence inside of its walls of security. I was just sitting there, with only my toes exposed to the reality. I was waiting for her, no one else, no one more important, and no one less…just her. She never came, and I just waited and waited, hoping and growing more and more impatient with myself.4

No one told me she left, and she herself did not even warn me, or give me some sort of a signal, no goodbyes or anything. I’m still just figuring she left, or maybe she’s here, among me, a stranger. Maybe she’s here and I can’t tell her apart from the crowd that once surrounded me. 5

I cant tell anymore, and that’s to blame on myself also, being so blind sighted and not asking her how her day was, just pushing all of my problems on her, which was not fair to the ether of us, burdening her with everything, and I know a lot is everything, I understand. I never once asked her how she was, I guess I was just too selfish, and I couldn’t see it, not even from the tip of my very own nose.6

I can feel my once love for her tremble down my face, and its cold too, in the form of a tear. I can feel it swerve down my face, past my reddened cheeks, and onto my lips, where I can feel the salt seep threw the seam line. I can’t hold it in anymore, and that’s what really gets to me. She was my one and only friend, I told her everything, but now it’s hard just to tell myself everything and feel the same excitement I felt when I told her. I now wish I could go back in time, and erase everything, stop everything. 7

I was a burden, to her and to everyone, even the one I now love. I can’t stop myself, I’m just that bullheaded and I wonder to myself, that if I really loved them would I try and burden them with my mindless ramblings? Would I try and deafen them with the horrible sound of my voice? If I truly loved them would I?8