CE: Just Breathe...And Smile

1

2

3

Looking into the glass mirror, I sometimes wonder who I am now. I can't seem to recognise the person I see. It's strange that I can't seem to recognise her as I see her everyday. But I wonder if she is more of just a shell than an actual human. Perhaps her soul has fled away in hopes of finding something better?4

5

There has been nothing to look forward to. I have a lot of things others would sometimes kill to have. For one, the brains and the status. I was the assistant head prefect and one of the smartest girls in the school. If not the smartest herself. It isn't boasting. It is simple truth. At times I feel like I would throw it all away for a single thing that I yearned for.6

7

I was lonely. I stayed with another group of girls most of the time. They seemed nice. I knew they talked behind everyone's backs. Even each other. But it was never nice to hear it repeated to your face by someone else.8

9

Now I see I was partly at fault. For some reason, there had always been a part of me that would make myself happy. Even if I were bleeding, there always seemed to be an unknown reason, to look like I was having the time of my life and put on a smile and never let anyone in on me. There was no reason. For now, I am delusioned into a universe where I tell myself everything will work out even when it won't.10

11

I was unsure of myself most of the time. I had a low self-esteem, although people always assumed I was stuck-up and uncaring. They never knew. And I never bothered. I didn't care, I tell myself. But I did and do. I do care what people think.12

13

There was nothing to look forward too. Everyday earned another kick. I was somewhat a lost puppy. Would it have made a difference if I were less smart? If I was small. If I had nothing?14

15

There were times when I would sit in my room and stare at the wall, wishing and wondering. What a cliche thing to do, it was as though I expected someone to come in and make everything work out right. But no one did, and so I floated in the dark abyss, drowning heavily in a pit of misery.16

17

Strange perhaps, but let me re-count faking smiles. I needed to look it. I treasured the moments the smiles were real. I needed to be aloof, I had always told myself. You can't depend on anyone, because they'll leave you in the end. I was eight. Eight and I had already knew that. My uncaring behaviour got to people sometimes, and I only realized that now.18

19

It's been a year. I went to high school. I love it here. I have the most amazing friends, a perfect life. There aren't anymore fake smiles. They're all genuine and we laugh everyday from the sheer bliss of it. I made many new friends, and they taught me life. More specifically, she did. She is my best friend. I never could make anyone feel better by talking because I never knew what to say, but she seemed to think I could, and she could do the same.20

21

It isn't all perfect, but jealous moments of her never do last. She showed me how to live, how to stop putting that stupid fake smile and how to be happy. She'll never know this, but I owe her my happiness.22

23

And honestly, I know how hard it is. So just...talk a breath and strive forward because that's all we can do. And one day, it's going to pay off.24

Author notes

 

Hopefully that wasn't too dramatic. It's not as bad as it sounds, honestly. But sometimes things come that way of the most trivial things.

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22
  • Marta gold member
    October 31
    Edit | Reply
    An interesting read that wasn't over-dramatic at all. Well written and engaging, thanks for sharing.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • LoopSidedSmile101
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    This was really..
    touching?
    I'm not so sure if its the right word but it wasn't even close to bad
    I know how you felt, Al.
    Trust me. I do.
    And this wasn't dramatic too, y'know.

    I love reading this.
    Applause applause!!
    *clap*


    • CallMeWhenUrRich
      October 30
      Edit | Reply
      Al...? Okay, I'm sorry, but it feels so weird nowadays when someone calls me that online. Well, except two people but I'm used to that. Oh God, I think I've lost my memory...did you use to call me Al? Argh, I forgot!!! Hahaha, sorry. It just seems like the only people who call me by my nickname nowadays is P and C. I'll leave you to guess who they are.

      Anyway, this is dramatic, to me. Life was never that harsh, it just felt that way. I was one for self-pity back then.

      Besides, I know a lot of people know how that feels. Met so many of 'em. But you don't feel that now, so let's leave the past untampered with.

      God, this is a long reply. Anyway, thanks for the comment!

      • LoopSidedSmile101
        October 31
        Edit | Reply
        Haha..
        Yep, I think some nerve in ur brain 'terputus' lah..
        I used to call you that when we were in std. 6..
        But u'd hit me. U love that name now though,eh?
        Anyway,Phoebs and Cal? Am I right?

        PS.I feel weird callin you Al too, y'knw..
        -u're not in school??

        • CallMeWhenUrRich
          October 31
          Edit | Reply
          Yeah. Okay then...if I'd hit you then you better stop calling me that, hahahaha. Well, real name's fine- better actually, since u feel weird too, just don't state it online.

          And yeah, they're PC. Aww, cute.

          As if I'm going to the basikalton thingy. Ugh.


  • CareBearKilla
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    Great job, and i rarely find things too dramatic btw. This was really good, excellent job.
    Good luck


  • EdanaM
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    Quite good, although the first, expecially pg. 18 - kind of deep thinking for an eight years old. I know an eight year old and I dobn't think she could think as deeply as that - no offence, but it doesn't happen much in real life, altohugh some books make it like that.


    • CallMeWhenUrRich
      October 30
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, but I'm pretty sure I was eight when the concept had me. Thanks for commenting.


  • Farhan gold member
    October 30

    Edit | Reply

    Nice!

    Hell no! It wasn't too dramatic at all. I found it pretty good. But one thing i want to add, i thought people say that children have pure hearts but when they grow up, they start faking smiles and all. But it is the other way around here.
    Anyways, good work

1 - 22 of 22