CHAPTER 7 bitterly sweet

CHAPTER 7 1

I woke up to a throbbing arm and pain shooting through my body. I pulled myself out of bed and got dresses in yellow skinny’s with a plain black top that covered my cuts. I grabbed my jacket, bag and headed out the door. As I got to school I saw Blake and walked over to him. 2

“Hey Blake”. I said as he looked up. He smiled and greeted me back. 3

“So jezz can I ask you something?”. He said a little embarrassed. I smiled he was so cute I hadn’t noticed. 4

“Yeah sure shoot”. I said, he defiantly made my morning a little better. 5

“Well I was wondering if you could do me a favour if you don’t want to I completely understand and wont think anything bad about you OK?”, He was now very scared of my answer.6

“Blake what is it just tell me?”. 7

“OK well Matt’s parents are starting to get noise as he is always out with me and we are talking on the phones n I love sending him cute text notes but he freaked when they went through his phone and he told then he has a girlfriend so I was wondering if you could pretend to be his girlfriend”. He said so shyly I thought he was going to hide behind the tree. I giggled but it didn’t go to my heart.8

“I would love to god its my third day I was waiting for something fun to do”. I joked Blake laughed but I just managed a just believable smile. I was so glad he wasn’t really looking to me but concentrating on what I had just said. 9

That day I didn’t see anyone I didn’t want to. I had double English by myself and then a practical P.E lesson meaning I got to sit down for a few hours, I was off my crutches but I told the teacher I didn’t want to hurt it even more. Then lastly I had a free so I decided to just go home. I didn’t see Jason and that made me feel so much better. 10

That night Matt text me saying he was so grateful but unfortunately we would have to put our plan into action a bit quicker then he thought. His parents wanted to meet me as soon as possible. So I said this Friday night we should all have dinner together. He text me back saying yet again he was never going to forget what I was doing for him and Blake and that he was going to be a real gentleman. I smiled.11

As I thought about what I would wear I looked into the mirror and laughed yet again. His parents would freak if I showed up at his door step. My hair was the most frightening so I decided to do something about it. I went into my big bag of goodies and got out a hair die Asia had made me just before I left. It was my exact hair colour. We had spent days working on this formula for a moment just like this. I was a deep down but still left slight blonde shadows in my hair. It was special. 12

That night I died my hair and it was perfect. The next day I decided to flaunt it. I pulled on a cute small summer dress that hugged right to all my curves. It made me feel amazing like the old me. Like my mum was watching over me from above.13

Once I was ready I got my stuff and headed to school without my skateboard this time. Also instead of my backpack it took my gray country road and wore light make-up apposed to the dark I was so used to. Catching my glimpse on the way out I looked like my mother. I still wore my thick arm band covering up my cuts as looking at them just reminded me of my faults and pains. 14

As I arrived at school I couldn’t help but smile. Everyone was looking at me even the people that didn’t notice me before. I got more sly comments and whistles in the first few minutes then I had the entire time if me being there. Which wasn’t much but still. Walking to the table that held everyone I sat down as normal and put my ipod in my ears. I didn’t even think they wouldn’t recognize me so I closed my eyes not thinking. Then I felt a pain shooting up my arm causing my to scream. I opened my eyes only to see Jake looking at me in horror., I started crying as I took my Ipod out of my ears. 15

“Jezz OMG I didn’t know it was you I’m so sorry what’s wrong?”. He asked. The tears in my eyes were to much but I looked down to my wrist and he knew straight away. He pulled back my bandage only to see the day old cuts still looking fresh due to the salt. 16

He pulled my up slowly and walked me over to a hidden tree.17

“Jezz what’s wrong why did you do this its to much something must of happened just tell me maybe I can help?”. He said in his cute voice. I had no choice but to grab onto his shirt and start crying more tears yet again. I cried into his chest as his arms wrapped around my back being careful of my arms. It seemed as if I couldn’t stop crying but I knew I had to. So I took a few deep breaths until I finally calmed down. 18

“Jezz you are not staying at school like this your going home come on I’m going with you.” He said as if he really cared. At the moment I didn’t trust anybody with a penis and a cute smile. 19

I didn’t seem to say anything as we walked home. He held me in his arms as we walked. His arms around my waist. I felt so weak like I had nothing to live for. The pain of Jake grabbing my arm even lightly caused all my happy moments to be take over by the horrible reminders of my present life. 20

When we reached my house I opened the door and again let go. This time when I was carried to my room I felt butterflies around my stomach. Not in a way that made me scared but in a way that said I was safe. When we reached my room I fell asleep on my bed crying. While I cried Jake fixed up my wrist cleaning it and making sure it was clean without a word. He wrapped it up properly got me some food and a drink then left the door. I slept the rest of the day and night. I felt so empty. It was the most I had cried since my mother died and that scared me. I had to get through this. 21