I fake smile to hide the emptyness in my soul. The only people I've ever loved have left me because they found someone better, whether it was just a friend or a guyfriend.
I've always been second or less (third, fourth, etc.) to someone or something else...people don't hesitate to love me then break me. So to hide the pain I feel, to keep from bringing others down, I smile to them. I tell them everything's okay when it isn't, and it never will me, and I force myself to wake up and say that if I can get through today maybe one day I can really smile. See, I haven't truly smiled in a long time...maybe a year or so. I don't remember how. Is something really truly funny, or am I just laughing to be nice? I fake my smiles because if I don't people will see that I'm just broken inside and millimeters away from giving up completely. Maybe...just maybe...someday I'll find an experience or a person that will let me smile for true. But until then, I'll keep fooling my friends with my false smiles, and pretending that I've never been better, when really, I've never been worse.
Author notes
This is a true story, even though you have reason to not believe me. I give my word it is true, and I am a woman of my word. It's dedicated to those who have loved and hurt me.
A contest entry
- Fake It by CareBearKilla.
120 points, ended November 12, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Does this seem realistic to you?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very Realistic
I am 48 years old but I still remember feeling like I needed to smile for those around me more than I needed to smile for myself. I probably still do that. The good news is that you recognize what you're doing and at some point may decide it's more important to be truly happy, rather than just smiling for the sake of smiling. I liked how realistic your story was; it was a bit rambling in sentence structure but I think that may have added to the overall read. I enjoyed it.
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Thanks to everyone for commenting; I do want so much to be able to true smile, and Duality and Queen Mab - I've looked for help, and am possibly finding my way back out of this emotional hole I'm in.
Also thanks for everyones support! MJ loves you all <3
~*MJ*~ -
*sniffle* *cry*
D: Aw, so sad. *sniffle* It's cruel what people can do to each other. They become so blind that they don't see the hurt person standing there needing a shoulder to cry on or a reassuring hug. I'm sorry that's happened to you. I hope you get happy and smile for real once more.
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This is so sad and so truthfully told. It sounds like clinical depression which is a true illness. I'm bipolar and experience intense bouts of depression frequently. I wear masks after reading people and giving what seems to be expected. I hope you seek help. It's amazing what medication and a bit of therapy can do.
~Mab
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yep.i do the same exact thing,except for me it is more like i have never really felt true emotion.oh!!and your hair is very,very different!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh My god ...
It's like you have written me!
I feel so sorry for you
this is just like me, i have had alot of bad things happen to me, and i try to hide it not to worry others,
i actualy told someone something once, and they ended up using it against me, so i fake smiled and said everything was allright, when in real truth i felt so crap.
there is someone on here, and he is verry special to me. i haven't met him in rl and yet he knows when something is wrong ... it scares me, like i can't hide away, i mean .. i probably shouldn't trust him as much as i do, but you spend all you life hidding and then you have someone you can share everything with ....
Sorry, i have rambled with un-nececerry info,
but great post, real good.
Lilly
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Wow, i feel so bad for you! Please learn to smile!!!
i mean, it's okay if you don't WANT to, but not smiling??? ell, that just seems odd to me. But I really hope you can smile soon!
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Yes, it does seem like something that could happen to someone, Though i can't imagine why it would. I've never been in love, so i don't know what your going through. I hope it gets better.
Great write.
Good Luck!
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