I am the fucked up little kid who never talked to strangers, not because that’s what his mommy told him to do, but because he fears judgement, because he has absolutely no self confidence. That’s me, the guy who came to the party and sat in the corner all night, not saying a word to anyone. He didn’t say “hey,” to the pretty girl across the room, because he didn’t want her to think he was weird. This is me... Dirk Nadeau like it or not. My story is about just how messed up life can be, I’m telling it, whether you finish reading or not.1
SUMMER 1995:2
I was twenty-three years old, this is where our story starts. I was skinny, with long hair and a scruffy beard. I looked like fucking captain salty, with brown hair. Everyone knew who I was. I was the quiet guy who collected and sold PEZ dispensers (we’ll get to that in a second). Even though anyone could identify who I was, I think there were only two people that knew my real name. 3
My mother, and my roommate, Wilkos Aimes (will- cuss- ah-mezz). Don’t be fooled by the funny pronunciation, this guy was a hundred percent American. Tall, white guy, blonde hair, green eyes. He was one ballsy bastard, but he was my best friend.4
We shared an apartment in South Portland, Maine. As I’ve already established, I had no self confidence. Wilkos was my polar opposite, so on many nights, I would find myself watching television, while the moans and thuds of my best friend screwing some hot blonde, filled the apartment. I sat lonely, not getting off on the noises of their pleasure, but wishing I could someday find a girl who I felt comfortable enough around, to ask out. To share that pleasure with. 5
So let me take you straight to the point from which the events begin to occur. It’s some day in August and Wilkos comes out of his room, rubbing his stubble. He was sweating like a fucking pig, and he flops down on my bed... more commonly known as the couch. 6
“Hey dude,” I’m staring at the floor, deep in thought. 7
“How long have you been awake?” He asks. 8
“A few hours, maybe four,” I blandly state.9
“Shit. Man, it’s six o’ clock. You should be getting some sleep, shouldn’t you?”10
“The pills don’t work, they just make me want to puke!” 11
“Maybe it’s not a sleep condition. Is something stuck on your mind?” 12
“No, I mean yes... but, I don’t know what I can do about it.”13
“Well, what is it?”14
“I just want to be like you. I want to be able to walk up to a stranger and tell them what’s on my mind. I want to meet a girl.”15
“Girl? Or a jizz bucket?” He chuckles.16
“Well I know you’re content to fuck and move on, but I want something more dude.” 17
“Oh... Can’t help you there, sorry, but I don’t have much experience in real relationships.”18
His entire life was based on lies. Legit. 19
“I didn’t expect you would,” I say, scratching at the back of my head.20
“Well, I gotta go... Important business,” He replies sarcastically. 21
“Yeah, okay” I groan, “what is it today?” 22
He’s slipping out of his wet T-shirt, as he stands up from the couch. He goes into his room and comes out in a suit. 23
“Got a mystery client who wants to meet me at the jetport. I’ve gotta make it look like a family gathering.”24
“Oh,” I change the channel to WCSH6 Morning Broadcast.25
He slips on his dress shoes and leaves to his car.26
I pull out my briefcase filled with PEZ dispensers and reorganize it. 27
Every day, I pick one old PEZ dispenser, and I chose to sell that one. I will polish it and make sure it works. I will then take my plastic toy into the streets and I will try to sell it for much more than it’s worth.28
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Laugh, 'Til I Cry. by Schnitzel.
475 points, ends November 30, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Anything and Everything by amanda vampiress.
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• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - What ever you like... by amanda vampiress.
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Interesting story nonetheless. Its strange to sell Pez dispensers, rather humorous. I'm sorry to say that I didn't laugh, but it was amusing. I liked the satire, "Jizz Bucket" was clever.
This was a good start, I'll most likely read the next installments in the future.
Great Job and best of luck in the contest!
~ Dr. Metalhead
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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No comment from this reader,the title put me off,but I read it anyway.
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Well..I want more. I like your style and your craftsmanship. You bring a natural creativity to your work. Keep going!
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Great
Your quirky style inspires me to think about righting more then I usually do. Which says something because as a writer I'm incredibly apathetic.
I like the way you have made the absurd idea of making a living of selling individual pez dispensers seem plausible with, bitter almost sociopathic remarks on the stupidity within society.
Altogether I found it flowing, with just the right amount of humor to sustain the character as a credible person living an odd existence, rather then a quick one liner.
I want to get to know the character, and the way he lives rather then glancing at a brief description before reading on in the hopes of a decent plot.
The characters are good, and so the plot seems to progress naturally.
A couple of criticisms a friend noticed, with tenths and perspective.
you learn a lot about the current state of humanity. You’ll see how the literacy rate in
this bothers me
"you do" turns to "you will"
I was twenty-three years old, this is where our story starts.
It should be "I am" or "started"
I'm pretty sure there are other examples throughout the three chapters, so just go through and read it out loud. You should find them.
machine, I am a roaring beast until suddenly, I begin tripping on a lumpy slope, branche
after machine should be a full stop
there should be no comma after suddenly
Overall 10 out of 10
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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LOll Weird story... even weirder title, but im interested, is Wilkos an undercover cop or something?? loll onto the next chapter..
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This is quite good. Thank you for entering. I see it's in a list. I'm headed to the next one.....
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A guy that sells Pez dispensers one at a time on the street? I love it! This is a good beginning to what might turn out to be a good story.
Only one Z in Pez. Only one e in judgment. Channel 6 in Portland is WCSH, not WCHS. I know because I live near there.
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hmmmmmm........ okay weird and a little bit funny but not hilarious. good read though, enjoyable, emotional, and interesting but not wet my pants funny, which was what i was looking for.
Thank you and good luck, Schnitzel -
Nice title an attention getter, I knew a guy who collected Pez dispensers, he had a whole collection about 25 of them.
I like your chapter, and might read more of your work in the future.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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