Tuesday 27th October 2009.
I blinked back the tears that flooded my eyes, looking down at the marble grave stone, my sons name engraved into it. No mother should have to see their child die, even with my beliefs of going into the next life; it hurts knowing that I won’t get to live out this life with him. I sit on the damp, dew covered grass, watching the morning sun rise, the brightness shining off the grass and surrounding me and my son. 1
I did everything that I could for him; I knew that much was true. I had dedicated my life to being his career as well as a mother and a friend to him; hiding my tears of pain for so many years, just so I knew he was happy. That’s what I wanted for him, to live as normal life as he possibly could. 2
Looking down I held a photo album in my hands, opening the first page and seeing his gorgeous face looking up at me smiling, his eyes alight with joy. I felt a pain in my chest as my heart swelled with both love and longing; longing to hold my baby in my arms once more; they felt empty without him here to hold. I turned the page, seeing him on his third birthday; the year his symptoms had started to show, the year that I finally saw my boy as different to other children, He still did the same everyday stuff children did, but I knew that it took a lot more effort for him; could see that he got tired that little bit quicker. But still he smiled on.3
From a very young age he had known about his condition, not that he wouldn’t live a full life; just that if he got tired he needed to rest and that he would end up in a wheel chair. I made sure he knew enough to be prepared, but not so much that it scared him. He was still so young; he should be running around care free, not worrying about what might happen in the next year or two. 4
The next photo was his first day of school, a big smile on his face as he stood proud in his uniform. It brought a smile to my face, even though in the back of my mind all I could think about was the years of bullying that happened after he started. I’d expected it to happen; he looked slightly different to other children because of his DMD. Only small things but bullies will take any insecurity you might have and use it against you. Eventually I had taken him out of school and home taught him myself. I had always said that I would should I need to, as I said I expected the bullying to happen. I suffered through enough of it at home and at school to stand by and let the same thing happen to him.5
I saw moments of our lives flashing before my misted eyes as I looked up at the head stone once more. He was so young when he died, the youngest threatened by his condition he could have been. I lay on my side, imagine curling around him like I did many nights when he had nightmares, placing the lotus flower on the ground where I imagined his heart to be. I pulled out his favourite book, the one about knights fighting dragons as the princess was trapped and waiting to be saved. 6
I lay there with my son and read to him, knowing that where ever he was in the world, he would hear my voice carried by the wind.
Author notes
Another one of my dreams. Seems i can't escape the sadness as of yet.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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WOW!
this is a really impressive piece of work. i am a big fan of all your stories and would be thrilled if you became an author.
if you did i reckon you would be bigger than jk rowling! keep up the writing coz i really enjoy reading your work. And i never have anything bad to say about your writing because its great.
your really talentedxxxxx
how old r u? -
This is such a touching tale of a mother's loss of a beloved child. It could so easily have turned out soppy, but you didn't let this happen. You wrote it simply and powerfully.
1st paragraph - should be my son's grave
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Crushing
Don't know that there is anything sadder than the death of a young child. I have a story "Lap of Luxury" that is similar. This reminds me of my own sorrow, but it has to be much more painful if this is true because you knew this child, love this child and felt the same helpless dread as it spiralled to the inevitable end. God between you and harm.
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Good job!!!
You managed to write a powerful and touching short piece. It really strike accord with my soul... It is just simply excellent.
Still,dont forget to leave all the grief behind an dream something happier next time^^
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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The way you wrote that made me feel like I was losing someone very close to me. You should take that as a great accomplishment....not every story can do that. I know he has DMD, so all I can tell you is to cherish every moment with your son and his spirit. You don't necessarily have to enjoy every moment, but be a part of every moment...don't let this one go.
-Clara -
You made me cry hun -huggles- sometimes I wish we could shut off our dreams before they even begian.
You are an incredible writer though, Thank you for sharing, Love you!
Dew
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Oh my!
That was an incredibly sad story Staci! Are you going to add more??
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Very moving. Tenderly written and piognant in its emotions. (If I was one to cry, I probably would have)
I think you really capture the heart of it, the loss the longing, the inevitiabilty.
I only pray that if this is autobiographical that you can find solace in your knowledge that we do go on after this life. If it's anticipatory, I pray that you never actually have to go through this.
Ever a fan of your work. I think you are amazing. Jl
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to staci
that was a sad story about your son
it even put a tear in my eyes. good story staci.
love you your bother Davie
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wow this was so sad i like started crying
i really eel bad for you for having to go through this and i cant imagine the pain of knowing that it will eventually happen
chrisage
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This is so sad Staci. I started crying while I was reading it. I hope neither of us ever has to deal with anything quite this sad.
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hew i thought that... oh never mind this was great for a story i mean. i loved the ending.
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aww staCi
this is so sad! I pray this doesnt happen to your son.
you are such a good writer, keep up the good work!
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