To My Pop

Insanity isn't an option1

and there's no time for suicide.2

I push myself forward,3

even when there's no where to go. 4

Am I supposed to forgive and forget?5

Throw myself around like a rag doll?6

Take your every promise,7

let them boil inside,8

then realise they're all lies?9

And expose myself to hurt each time?10

I'm angry at myself,11

I'm angry at you,12

Angry at the things you don't intend to do,13

And angry because every time I believe you.14

I know all of the hurt isn't planned,15

Lord knows, you're just a man,16

but it's like having a knife thrust into my heart,17

Like having it twisted in the wound, 18

Like a blow to the head19

and being left to bleed to death.20

You left without saying goodbye,21

I didn't even cry22

Why should I?23

I felt like you gave up on us24

Hell, I still do,25

so I gave up on you.26

I wouldn't hear about you27

I couldn't speak of you,28

My heart was never broken,29

it was stolen.30

I try my hardest to forget everything31

wrong as that may see,32

It's the only way to protect me. 33

Mentally and Emotionally I'm torn in two,34

I mean, what do I do?35

Forgive you and never take you seriously36

or continue to live in silent anguish?37

You were once my friend,38

You were once my undying support39

But if you don't listen to your heart40

(Your heart, not your selfishness)41

No one, not even I, 42

can expect anything good from you.43

This is no longer just a poem,44

This is my soul45