From the end of the lake he hears the cry of the loon.1
He knows as it's rising, it will overtake him and soon.2
A chill begins to permeate, adding a crispness to the air.3
Something stimulating, irritating the root of every hair.4
And then a quickening of his heart, a thickening of blood.5
As reason departs, strength surges through him like a flood.6
Fingers, toes elongate with razor sharp claws, 7
Skin becomes pelt, hands and feet become paws.8
Electrics shocks charge up and down his spine, 9
Mouth twists in grimace, teeth emerge as canines.10
Now coughing, choking, slavering, and ravenous thirst.11
Pain, demonic fury, clothes are rent as muscles burst.12
Now, as Zevon's "Werewolves of London" recalls,13
"His hair was perfect" to attend Halloween balls.
Author notes
"Turn to face the strange" is the first line of Bowie's ultimate ode to the process of maturation in all it's individual forms. So it was only fitting the last two lines are also a ch-ch-ch-change.
A contest entry
- Happy Hallowe'en Poetry 09' by Hellcat Metal.
350 points, ended October 30, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - October: A Celebration of the Season Finals by Oblivion Kitty God.
650 points, ended November 8, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - excitement by Elvenfairy.
150 points, ended November 1, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween Contest! Big Points! by Kagamine Rin.
750 points, ended November 1, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Too abrupt a change?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is really good! i love this peice! great job!
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Happy Halloween - late - and nice read. Short and with nice imagery. |D
It definitely fits as a Halloween-themed story. -
this was cute. I don't see how it was about excitement so much, but it was still interesting to read. Thanks for entering my contest, and happy halloween.
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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
Kind resides in the words of the Bowie song. Overlaid on the Halloween theme. The song, at least to me, is about growing up and handling the sometimes difficult challenges presented. One of those challenges is venturing out into the social world. One may think girls are apt to spend a bit of time in front of a mirror before a party, but guys do also. This is a tongue in cheek transformation that a young man may seek.
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I love it!!! Werewolves are a personal favorite of mine as I grew up in Michigan with Steve Cook's "Legend of the Dogman". This piece did a splendid job in capturing the physical change from man to beast. I wonder, though, if you could have added more emotion by mentioning what this poor soul is thinking as the moon rises and the call of the loon seems to usher in the Change.
As you asked me to consider your attention to rhythm, rhyme, and meter, I gave it special consideration as I read. The rhythm is still a little off, but you have indeed improved. Also, you've done much better finding "true" rhymes.
Nicely done! -
I liked this. Kind of creeped me out too! Describing a werewolf changing makes me cringe but I like it! Thanks for entering!
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I liked it and I loved how you phrased everything!
But, unfortunetely, it didn't meet my word count requirment so I will have to DQ this poem.
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Ouuooooooo
Still, despite the intent...I find the added syllables and abrupt change in meter at the end a little disconcerting...and would consider something more like: "to attend" or even: "for" in place of "and he could go to." I mean, someone might not get your intent! Then what? I suppose baying at the moon might be in order.
BTW...did you mean "penultimate?" Or "Ultimate?"
Best,
GA -
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Ouuoooooo
A bit embarassed to be discovered in my pranking. Thanks for the suggestions, incorporated them as best I could. I can't do blood and guts all the time. So this is my way of restoring a bit of equilibrium. You were also correct, I did mean ultimate.
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