To who I was

Dear Chris,1

hello mate, its yourself, ten years from now. Spooky, but then you've always had strange things happen to you.2

I just thought i'd write a little note to you (me) just to explain a few things. Firstly, in three years your parents will seperate. This will make you realise that the world isn't decorated with sugar and lollies and that the world is actually a pretty grim place. You need to be aware that your parents are human and as a result, have character faults. Simply because you percieve they've let you down or betrayed you, doesn't make this true. This doesn't mean that you should take any nonsense from either of them, or feel that you are put into the middle, but you do have to realise that resentment will only make you feel worse.3

You probably should avoid your first girlfriend, but you won't. You'll fall stupidly in love with her, then when she starts being horrible to you, you'll not want to upset her feelings by breaking up with her. She will eventually sleep with one of your friends. This sounds pretty heartbreaking, and I suppose it was but don't worry. Three days after, you'll meet another girl- From here you will develop your crush on english girls. If this doesn't make sense at the moment, don't worry, you'll understand later. 4

She will eventually humilate you in front of her friends, but this also doesn't matter. From here, you'll have quite a challenge grasping the meaning of life. You'll fall into a dark depression, and drink excessively. Don't worry, the drinking part is actually very fun and you'll experience some very funny things along the way.5

You should make sure you stop being so judgemental as well. Especially to overweight people. When you hit fifteen, you'll wake up one day to find yourself at 110kgs. This will freak you out, but its only a phase. You'll lose it after your first break-up and then from there you'll become very mindful about how you treat your body. You'll start going to the gym. You'll meet a friend who has a lot of bhuddist books and also aikido books. This will immediately make a lot more sense then the Satanic Bible does. 6

In the end, all that really needs to be said is the following.7

1. Hold one point, keep centre underside, relax completely8

2. you'll always be an outsider but people will come to respect you for it9

3. Don't be so negative, it only brings you down and irritates your friends10

4. If you must drink cheap wine, don't do it three nights in a row listening to black metal- bad things will happen11

5. You are the strongest person you know12

Signed, Me- You.13