Rants of innerworldliness-Part one

Animals do not have to worry for the lives of others unless it is absolutely necessary and even then they only do what they can and move on without much care, living on the want for survival. But humans, cannot live so freely. Almost as though we have a curse, being aware. We worry, we feel pity, sympathy, self-loathing and so much more, yet with it comes something greater. But even then I wish things were much more easy, if only we hadn’t evolved to this point. The good things that we would lose, if we went back to our primal forms, would not matter to us because we wouldn’t think much of it. There would be no worry.1

The world bleeds because people seem to want to thrive on suffering. If only those without hope would learn that their life, no matter how miserable it may seem, is only what they make of it. Though some are scarred and sadly cannot change themselves so easily. I can only think on those people‘s behalf, it consumes me that I cannot help. It’s almost like I care too much. I want to change things so badly that I start to force myself upon them. Not only to help them but to help myself by destroying all the miserable worry and stress I get from it. I shouldn’t do this because it only makes me start to hate myself for it. It’s not that I should stop caring or stop helping, it’s that I should stop trying to manipulate what I can’t touch. 2

I should stay with my own kind and leave others alone unless they ask for my help, but it’s the fact that some of them need help and do not realize it is what gets me. Though others are certainly sure they can help themselves and are right, there are some who seem to have given up completely and for some reason it affects me. Some may only do it for the love of attention, almost like the Munchausen disorder, they mock misery only so that they can be taken care of because they’re too stupid to care of themselves. Then there are others who need attention, like they fish for whatever they can get, clawing for the love they have and wanting more because in reality they had no one to depend on and so they seek out something to carry their burdens for them; sometimes only to see it thrown back at them.3

I seek to save and be loved for it, almost like I’m trying to reform a family of people I hardly know. But none of us are really sure of what we want, we’re not sure of who we are and how our minds work. It’s best not to try to dig deep into our minds for some missing puzzle piece, we might not like what we find. 4

It’s strange…How some seem to want to suffer, like how some say you must suffer to be a true artist-It’s not entirely true. You must be aware of suffering rather than suffer to be an artist, you must embrace imperfection and love it before you learn to express yourself. It’s imperfections that make the art so beautiful, whether it’s a piece of writing or a painting. If you bother with making your art the best it can be than you’ve made something soulless, you must let it flow. Let all emotions good and bad flow through media. Your awareness, your imperfections, the misery and happiness, all of it is a portal to creation. Look at all the famed artists of old: Beethoven; Salvador Dali; Van Gogh; even the damn Beatles! You must admit they were all pretty insane. Yet they made art out of their insanity. 5

It’s like we’re all mutants in our own way. Everyone has a piece of everyone else in them, jumbled together in different patterns making us completely different from each other and it is what makes things wonderful. But if only we could see the good in what was weird. I try. I try every time, yet some are intolerable. Some emphasize too much in the bad parts of themselves that they’re tainted by it. They worry so much about what they don’t like that they become it themselves. We have so much power, power to change and warp our minds as well as others. It’s scary and wonderful at the same time. Humans being imperfect always evil and always good. Never one or the other. Being too pure can cause corruption and being too corrupted can cause people to change their moral standards to be more pure which in turn will put them in a cycle. As long as we keep ourselves balanced, with only a bit more good than evil then we could survive.6

It’s like Satanists, though the name makes them sound menacing and evil, they mostly practice on respecting others as you would want to be respected. They believe in treating people humanely and not imposing their believes on to each other. Making sure not force each other to do things they do not desire, while at the same time they indulge upon themselves as much as they want to. Do whatever they want as long as it does not cause harm on others. Much like Buddhism, Satanism does not worships any real being or god of any sort, they merely follow a non-strict way of life-Not even a way of life, more like following good values without limiting themselves. Yet, there are still extremists who turn good things into obsessive religions that constrict their lives and criticize others. But everything has someone like that, Atheists, Spiritualists, Buddhists, and even Agnostics sometimes. It’s more like the people who make it like that, not the religion.7

I, however, am Agnostic. I do not believe in a god. I do not believe in heaven or hell or in punishment. I do believe there is something greater, something in us so amazing that cannot possibly end, maybe not a soul but something similar. I believe that things exist with or without reason, that it all just happened, but I am not sure of how. Theirs is something greater to life and existing. Something to this vast never-ending universe of unnatural happenings. Science, itself, is magic in its own way. Matter cannot be destroyed or created, so is that the same for life. Can life be destroyed? Can we be destroyed. Do we have some form of life force in ourselves that joins with everything else? 8

Our ideas…Our ideas are immortal; they are, in a way, our souls. When we die, our bodies fertilize the ground and help in creating life. Which is why I delve in the idea of reincarnation. We cannot completely die…It’s too sad to be true. We’ve come too far to let ourselves end, and even if we do at least we were able to accomplish enough in the world to make our mark.