Everything Sparkles In San Francisco Two (ALL)

Everything Sparkles in San Francisco Two1

Prologue2

A lot has changed for me since Archie died. After graduation, aunt Alexis never thought I was going to become a photographer. It all started when I went to Archie’s funeral. I took many pictures when I went to Archie’s funeral and posted them on one of my blogs. A local photography place in The Castro saw them and told me I should come in. So I did, and after some training, they hired me. Three months after graduation day, I have a job and a house. Perfect. My Aunt helped me pay for the house, but the rest paid for itself. I was making a lot of money on my new job. Archie’s funeral was hard, to say at the least. It was an open casket funeral, so at least I got to kiss him one last time. I have to follow the advice I gave Archie that day we met. I will be happy for my love. I nervously spun my engagement ring on my finger. There was one thing I hadn’t done that I really needed to do. Archie’s possessions or at least a few of them had been given to me a day after his funeral by his father. I still haven’t opened it. I don’t know why. Maybe I was doing it to save myself. Whatever the reason was three months ago when I received it, it doesn’t matter now I need to do this. 3

Chapter One- Memory Box4

Brown box, silver duct tape…was it that hard? I pulled it out into the living room quietly. I took a pair of scissors and pushed it on the tape. I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I tore the tape and reached my hand into the box pulling out a piece of paper. It was a copy of his certificate of death. Thanks dad, I really wanted this. Next, I pull out his wallet and open to reveal the contents. I find, license, thirty bucks and some receipts. The next thing I pull out of the box it’s more interesting. It’s a photograph of a person I don’t recognize; his hair is black and blue. He’s wearing some shades I would imagine Archie would have owned and some tight purple pants too. I flip the picture over “Alex” I read the name on the back aloud. So this was Alex, Archie’s first love. I set the photograph next to his wallet. Onto the next item, I pull out a giant silver brief case. What the heck is in this thing? I open the case to reveal the mother load of sunglasses, better known as shades. 5

They were in all different sizes, shapes and colors. I moved my fingertips along the lenses and bit my lip. I love him, so many words; could not describe the feelings I have for him. They’re not sufficient enough words in this world to describe our love. I closed the case, forcing back tears. I reach in and grab the next item, and I sure pull out the wrong one. In my hand, I hold a small velvet box. I force back more tears then I can, but they still end up running down my face. I kissed the box and set it down. Next victim I pull out is yet another picture. This picture was a picture of Archie and I. In the picture, Archie is kissing my cheek and looking the camera slyly, while I am as red as a tomato. Good times. Next, I pull out another picture. I stare at the stained photograph for quiet some time. Who is this? It looks like Archie and someone, someone who looks very much like Archie. In the picture two boys stood side by side smiling, they had to be at least six years old. They both had the same stunning eyes, brown hair. I set the picture down to pick up the last thing in the box. 6

The last thing is Archie’s book bag from school, which I don’t feel like going through at the moment. So this was it of Archie Little. All of him could fit in this box? He should be remembered better then this. He was so much more then this, he was the most amazing person I ever know. Somehow, I can’t let him die like this. I put the boxes content back in it. I pick up the box and carry it into the spare bedroom. It looked like the spare bedroom in my Aunts house when I first moved in. Pale. Bland, I should do something with this room. Like dedication to Archie or something. I don’t know, I’m not that much of a creative person aside from my photography. Photography is my new passion; something about getting the perfect shot gives me a thrill. There’s a room in my house just for my photography. It a plain while room, fairly big with cameras set up all around the room. I can even program the camera to shot by themselves. It’s really hi-tech. Then, all the pictures being taken there appear on my laptop. Though, I really really want to do something with this room, but for now I’m going to walk out and turn off the light. It’s about eleven in the morning right now. It’s a wonderful day. Hopefully it’s a wonderful day for photography too. 7

Today I have to go to a commercial photo shoot, and well; take pictures. After I do that and go through the film with the representative, and get paid. Sounds like a wonderful day to me, I hope my models are great. As far as I know the product the models are selling are refuge jeans. Commercial photography is okay, but I like taking other types of photos. I go back to the living room and begin to pack up for the trip.8

I get my laptop, three professional cameras and my phone. I’m set. Everything in my bag right now total cost about seven thousand dollars, if not more. This is not the type of bag you want stolen. Then again what type of bag to you want stolen? Finally once I was ready to do, I check the address of the photo shoot. It was going to be outdoors I think. Then I noticed it wasn’t an address at all. Scribbled on the paper were three words. 9

“Pink Triangle Park.”10

Chapter Two – Photo Shoot 11

So I’m in my car driving to the park. I haven’t been here since high school. So many good memories I had in that park. Archie and I’s first kiss, the place I first told Archie I loved him. I have a feeling this is going to be really great photo shoot. Every time I’ve been here I’ve had a good time. I’m not going to break the streak today. The traffic seemed to be non-existent today. No one was out walking or anything, no one going to work, or to eat. Just me, out and about giving hope to this lonely street…As I turned onto the street where the park was I parked next to a couple other cars. Most likely the models cars, I could tell because they were fairly expensive. One of them was a pink Cadillac, stylish. Sure enough waiting for me in the park were five beautiful models, and an assistant of refuge jeans. 12

I went up to the man and shook his hand firmly. “Nice to meet you, my name is Connor.” He smiled at me. “I’m Tom, so are we going to get started?” “Yeah sure, just let me get set up and we’ll get started. Are the models ready?” He nodded “This is Emily.” A small girl stepped up. She was of course, model thin, beautiful hair. “Jenna.” Another girl stood up, her hair was very short and black. “Sophie.” Sophie had to be the most attractive; she had red hair and green eyes. “Paris.” A tall dark haired boy stood up. “And, our only professional model here today, Taylor.” Taylor stood out to me more then the other models. His hair was a bit longer then most guys you see walking down the street. It clung to his neck; it was a very edgy model hair haircut. His hair was amazing. It was pure blonde, almost to the point where it was white. Bangs cut across his forehead, not hiding his eyes though. For a guy he was quiet small, his body was slender and smooth looking, though not anorexic small. Last but not least, you couldn’t ignore his eyes. His eyes were the bright and most striking shades of blue. Ranging from a deep blue on the outer rim, to a pure baby blue in the center, it fit well with his natural hair color. “So all the other four models are beginners?” The man nodded. “I was also wondering, is Taylor here just so the other models can watch? He doesn’t really look like a commercial model.” Taylor smiled at my words. But it was Tom who spoke. 13

“This is true; Taylor is one of our most skilled models, not to mention our youngest. The beginners would do well to follow in his foot steps.” I smiled at him and began taking my cameras out and setting them up. After I was prepared, I called up the first model. Taylor. I took my camera and pointed at him, and suddenly this small feeble model came to life before my eyes. The way he positioned himself and moved his body in favor of the camera, every shot I took was perfect. Even when he wasn’t looking at the camera, his body language paid off for it. Plus, eye contact wasn’t necessary with him. As long as you could see his eyes the photo looked magnificent. I have to say we worked quiet well together. When I wanted to do a ground pose, he was laying down before I could kneel. When I wanted him to look at the camera, I didn’t have to tell him. We didn’t speak, not one word. He was nothing less then amazing. 14

“Alright Taylor, out of about seventy pictures I have to say that you nailed them all.” He smiled kindly to me and looked at Tom. “I would like to work with this photographer again, he has quiet a talent.” He turned to me. 15

“What’s your name?” 16

“Connor Goodwin, you?”17

“Taylor Young.” 18

I took a step forward and shook his hand. “You’re a wonderful model.” I complemented. “So I’ve been told.” He teased and picked up a bottle of water from the ground. He un-screwed the top and put it to his mouth, raising the bottle high in the air. For just a moment his semi-long hair fell back away from his neck to reveal a scar. No regular scar. A scar that reached from the back of his ear to the end of his neck. As soon as his hair fell back into place, it vanished. He shot me a wondering look as he set the bottle back on the ground. “Next,” I called, Paris was up next. It only took me thirty minutes to work with Taylor. Though the next three hours were spend working with dirt cheap models that only managed to pull off about ten good frames. Not to mention having to constantly tell them what to do. It was nerve-racking. At the end of the shoot, I pulled Taylor over to the side. “I really enjoyed working with you. I wouldn’t mind seeing you again.” He smiled his model smile. “No problem.” He said. “You have a scar on your neck, how’d you get that?” He looked at his feet. “Do you really want to know?” “Yes,” I replied. “Give me a pen and paper.” I did as I was told and pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper. He began writing. When he was done he handed me the paper. “Be there.” He said and walked away. I looked down at the scarp of paper.19

Star bucks on Strickland September the 7th 2009, 7:00 PM Sharp. I looked at my watch. 4:00 PM. Three hours to get ready. What a strange person, but I like strange people. I folded the paper in fours and stuffed it in my pocket. I wonder how he got that scar. In a couple of hours I wouldn’t have to wander any longer. On my way to my car I took a guess of what may have happened. Animal attacks, car wreck, fall? I knew as well as he did a scar like that could kill his modeling career. I’ll just have to wait and see what secrets lay in Taylor Young.20

Chapter Three- Scars21

I sat alone at the star bucks at 6:57 waiting for him. Surprisingly enough it wasn’t crowded. I had decided to change, wearing my striped hoody, converse, t-shirt and regular jeans. My company that hired me said to wear more professional things to a shoot. So the company would have a good look. Fair enough. Though any other time, I was wearing my hoody and chucks. As I pictured it, Taylor walked in as soon as the clock hit seven. Right on the dot, he was wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans and light blue converses. Even in the plain clothing he stood out. While walking towards me, two girls saw him and their jaws dropped. In a good way of course! “Hey,” He said sitting down across from me. “You showed up.” He continued. “Why wouldn’t I?” he shrugged and looked away. “So Taylor…what’s with the scar?” Taylor stared at me.22

It was hard to look in his eyes without losing myself. “I did something stupid.” He didn’t move. “You did that to your self?” He nodded again. I never realized how shy he was before. “I tried to kill myself a couple of months ago.” He put the palm of his hand on the ride side of his neck. “Are you willing to tell the story?” Taylor smiled and put his head down. “I’m willing to talk, if someone would listen. Someone who doesn’t judge. Everyone looks at me and says ‘how beautiful.’ ‘Amazing’ but they don’t know who I really am. If only they knew about this,” He pushed his hair behind his ear to reveal the scar. “They wouldn’t even look at me.” I looked into his eyes, not at the scar. Not even a glance. He put his hair back down. I’m here to listen, so speak.” He looked at me, his eyes looked like they were trying to look into my soul, or at least that’s how it felt. 23

“Good, first off, I’m nineteen.” 24

“What? You’re nineteen and a professional model? That’s impossible.” He grinned.25

“It’s not; I dropped out of high school when I was sixteen to pursue my career. There’s something about standing in front of a camera and posing that make me feel fantastic. It’s my passion.” 26

“Just like me and my photography.” 27

“Yeah, you’re an amazing photographer. How many years have you been doing this?” 28

“I stared three months ago.”29

Taylor laughed, “You’re the liar. How old are you?” I laughed with him30

“Eighteen, as of three months ago when I finished high school.”31

“That is extremely impressive. The way you understood me was amazing.” 32

“No, I just think we both had a good connection. Photographer to Model, you know?” 33

He smiled. “Okay, on with the story. When I started modeling at sixteen they loved me. They thought I was a gorgeous beautiful and talented model. Though it didn’t matter to me what they thought, at first. I just loved being in the front of the camera. I love the way it feels. It’s…hard to describe.” 34

“I understand.” He took a long sigh. 35

“Good, anyway. After a while a got tired of peoples complements. I tried to have friends, but they just loved to look at me, and be friends with a famous model. I knew if I had a flaw, they wouldn’t look or care about me. It made me feel like trash knowing that.”36

He looked away.37

“Come sit next to me for a second Connor.” 38

I got up from my seat to sit next to him. He took a deep breath and grabbed my hand putting it on his neck. As he talked he traced my finger tips down the long scar. “So, I decided if I couldn’t do this one thing and be happy, I couldn’t be happy at all. I took a kitchen knife and slit it down my throat. If it wasn’t for the mail man and the unlocked door I would have bled to death. Five or so more minutes alone it would have been over. When they found me, I had no pulse. I was dead. Though, they revived me.” Taylor let go of my hand but I still traced the scar on his neck over and over, he didn’t seem to mind.39

“I’m glad you lived.” 40

“Thanks.” Taylor seemed to looked away from me.41

“Well, when I finally woke up in the hospital, I had the worst scar you’ve ever seen. The scar on my neck right now had reconstructive surgery on it, because when the scar finally healed, the way it healed made it hard for me to breathe.”42

“Wow.” I retraced the scar again. It didn’t feel like it had reconstructive surgery. 43

“When it healed I went back to set. And of course, took photo shoots. The press ate it up. ‘Crazy model.’ ‘Suicidal beauty.’” 44

“I’m so sorry, that must have been terrible.”45

“It was, on the photo shoots they were always telling me to lean left to hide the scar. Eventually they get fed up with me and told me to grow my hair out or they would fire me. So I grew it out. And they started liking me again, and calling me beautiful. ‘Hey glad you’re back’ ‘Hey you’re not ugly anymore!’ Then I started to believe all the things they said about my scar. That it was ugly, and it makes me look terrible. And that I was a freak. Sometimes I just want it to disappear…but someone had told me to live, I couldn’t let them down.” 46

“Why would you want it to go away? It’s a part of who you are. It tells your story. If people can’t accept that you had hard time there’s something wrong with them. If they can’t see past your scar, past your body straight in your eyes and tell you that you’re just a wonderful person…that’s just wrong.” 47

Taylor blinked at me.48

“Do you think I am a wonderful person?”49

I smiled “Yes, I do.” 50

“You don’t mind the scar?”51

“No, I don’t. You should wear it proudly to show what you’ve overcome. Like soldiers in battle who show off their scars, you know?” 52

“I couldn’t do that. I would look terribly ugly.”53

Was he listening to me at all? That’s it, new tactic, physical approach. I took my hand that was on his neck and pushed his hair aside. Then I kissed his neck, starting from the bottom of the scar, slowly working my way up to the top right behind his left ear. At first, I heard him gasp, but then he slowly relaxed. I stopped and backed away once I reached his ear. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” He opened his eyes to look at me. “I-its f-fine.” His usually pale face was quiet red. “I just needed to prove a point. You’re not ugly.” Taylor blushed more, and bit his lip.54

“Are you okay?”55

“That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”56

I looked at him, slouching, biting his lip, letting his hair fall in his face. “I didn’t know you were so shy.” At my words he sat up and jerked his head, so It straightened his hair. Last but not least he put on the model smile and looked at me. 57

“That is absolutely ridiculous. So Connor, you’re gay?” He threw me a curious look.58

I couldn’t help but to laugh.59

“Yes I am.” I admitted proudly. 60

“Well, I’m Bi, just to let you know. I’ve been with one guy and a girl, but it turns out they just wanted me for looks and money.” 61

“I don’t see how, you have a great personality and you’re wonderful company also.”62

He smiled his model smile again. “Thanks.” 63

“Give me your arm.” Taylor put his wrist in my hand, I wrote my address and phone number. He looked at his wrist. “Cool,” he said he did the same to my wrist. “I need to go now.” He said standing up quickly. “Okay.” I said. “See you later.” He walked away without another word. I looked out the window to see him walking towards a pink Cadillac. I also saw him looked at his wrist and smiling, not a model smile this time, a real smile. 64

Chapter Four – Son, Brother, Fiancé and Friend65

There’s something I do, every night of the week that I have time to do it. I visit Archie’s grave. It’s a beautiful grave. His tomb stone is made of blood stone. Blood stone is a beautiful green rock with red specs in it. Engraved in his tomb stone it says “Archie Little, 1991-2009.Our Beloved Son, Brother, Fiancé and Friend.” I usually bring a dozen red roses and replace them with the dead flowers from days before. Sometimes I will stay there for minutes other times for hours, just talking to him.66

It’s a good way for me to grieve. Tonight I go to the grave right after Taylor and I finish talking, which is around eight. The sun is low in the sky, and my mind is thinking too much. I need to talk to Archie. Some people may believe that it’s stupid to talk to someone’s grave. I don’t believe that at all. So I’m at Archie’s grave, sitting next to the tomb. I carefully place the roses in front of the grave.67

“I understand how you felt now; I understand how hard it was for you to love me,” I took a sigh “Because you loved someone else. You loved Alex. Even though he was dead, you still loved him,” I put my hand on the tomb stone. “I still love you too, so much. I hope you know that. I know you would want me to be happy with someone else. I know you would.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “Taylor, he’s different from everyone else. He’s such a wonderful and interesting person. So many people have used him. They treat him differently for his outside beauty. If only they could see, how beautiful he is on the inside too. Maybe I could be that person for him,” The wind blew, but I still kept my eyes shut.68

“I just…wish you could speak to me and tell me it’s okay. I love you Archie.” I sat there for a long time letting the wind blow my hair. With my eyes still close I could feel the light leave the sky, I could feel the chill in the autumn air as the sun fell from the sky. I thought how wonderful it would be to be blind, only to judge a person for who they’re on the inside, not to be able to judge by race or how someone looks, just the essence of the person. It would be, wonderful. I opened my eyes to the moonlight; I looked one last time at Archie’s grave tonight and noticed there was something on the stone. Sitting on the top of the tomb stone was a butterfly. A blue butterfly that looked beautiful in the moonlights shimmer. 69

I watched it for a moment, walking across the blood stone. This butterfly looked old and tried. It had scars on its wings and his walking was a little wobbly. I reached out my finger and let the butterfly walk on it. Many people obsess over the butterfly’s beauty, but few realize the hardships it took to get there. And at that last thought, the butterfly flew away. 70

Chapter Five – Like and Love71

When I got home from visiting Archie’s grave, I got a phone call.72

“Hello’?”73

“Hi…” It was Taylor74

“Oh, hi Taylor.” 75

“I need to ask you something.” 76

“Sure.”77

“Can you meet me at the same place tomorrow?” 78

“What time?”79

“11AM.” 80

“Okay, why?”81

“I want to know your story.” 82

I smiled. “Okay, my story isn’t as interesting as yours.” 83

“Your story probably isn’t as depressing.”84

“You’d be surprised.” 85

“…I liked you; you’re very nice and interesting.”86

“You like me?” 87

“Yes.”88

I laughed. “I told someone that before.”89

“Why is that funny?”90

“Cause’ I was lying.”91

“Why would you lie?”92

“Cause’ I didn’t want to admit to myself or that person that I had feelings for them.”93

“Hum, I’ve done that before.” 94

“Really, when?”95

He was silent for a long moment.96

“So tomorrow at 11?” he said ignoring the question97

“Yes.”98

“Please come.”99

“Why wouldn’t I?” 100

“Maybe you don’t like me, I don’t know.”101

“I do like you; I like you a lot Taylor.”102

“Are you lying again?”103

“Yes.” Shit, did I just say that? 104

“Umm…bye!” The line when dead.105

Did I just sort of admit that I had feelings for him? Damn it.106

Like and Love. What’s the difference? Like is just enjoying the person and stuff right? Love is deeper then that. Much deeper. Love has feelings attached, memories, and secrets. You can love a friend in a friendly way, and you can love a lover in a loving way too. But what about like? Like has no feeling or emotion. No sense of attachment or longing. So when you like someone, May they just be and acquaintance or a favorite actor perhaps? I didn’t like anyone, not in that sense. I love Taylor; there is a feeling inside of me that wants take care of him. A feeling growing inside of me that I know will get bigger. Feelings to touch him feelings to love him. Those feelings I can not deny. 107

Chapter 6 - My Story108

The next morning I can’t wait for it to be 11AM. It’s my turn to tell my story today. Hopefully Taylor won’t think I’m weird. Hopefully. I put on the usual, jeans, converses, hoody, plain-t deal. I was ready to go. I hopped in my car at 10:57, hoping that I would get there on time, but I didn’t. Speeding down the street the clock turned to 11:00. Late. Damn. I swiftly parked at 11:05 in the star-bucks parking lot. I ran inside and went to the table we had sat at last night. Sure enough Taylor was there, arms folded on the table head lying in his arms. I walked up slowly and put my hand on his head, and sure enough he sat up. “I didn’t think that you were going to come.” I sat down next to him. “I’m sorry that I was late.” 109

“It’s okay, you’re here now and that’s all that matters.” I smiled at him.110

He kissed my cheek very quickly “You have a wonderful smile.” He said without flinching.111

“You have a wonderful smile also, when it’s your real smile.”112

He looked confused “What do you mean?”113

“I mean, that you use your model smile all the time.”114

“No I don’t.”115

“I beg to differ.”116

“Fine, whatever.” He sat up and crossed his arms. I looked at him and realized he was wearing a hot pink v-neck shirt. It was really loose. And not to mention very hot…hehe. He unfolded his arms and glared at me.117

“You’re staring.”118

“No I’m not, I’m just thinking.”119

“Bout’ what?”120

“How great you look in that shirt, many guys can’t pull off pink.”121

“Ah, I see so you gonna tell me your story?”122

“Yes.” I took a long sigh.123

“Alright, first of all I moved to The Castro five months ago.”124

“Really?”125

“Yeah, going on when I moved here in April I didn’t really want to be here.”126

“Then why did you move?”127

“Cause’ my mom had died.”128

“I’m sorry.”129

“It’s okay; she was in a really bad car accident. But I moved here with my two lesbian aunts.”130

“Lesbos are so rude.”131

“Yeah I know!”132

Taylor smiled his model smile. “Well, I transferred to Castro Valley High School the last two months of my senior year. Those two months were amazing, I met a guy named Archie Little and I fell in love with him.” I looked away from Taylors gaze. “On graduation day, he asked me to marry him.” I pulled my engagement ring off and handed it to Taylor. Taylor fiddled with the ring. “Later that night, he needed to go do something. So he left. I got a phone call thirty minutes after he left. He was in the hospital, in a coma. And that same night his father pulled the plug.” I met Taylor’s eyes. They were blue, still. He looked as if he was lost in thought, he looked as if he was remembering something, but somehow he was still paying attention. “I’m sorry.” He took my hand and put the ring back on my finger, but he didn’t let go of my hand. He held my hand staring at the ring on my finger. What was he thinking? Was he sad, angry? I wish I knew but I had to continue with my story.133

“So I went home and pulled out my butterfly knife and I was going to…you know.” 134

At this he raised his eyes from my ring to stare in my eyes. “Did you?” His eyes filled with tears. 135

“No, don’t worry the knife didn’t touch me. Because I realized that he wouldn’t want me to die with him. He would want me to be happy with someone else.”136

“I’m glad that you didn’t hurt yourself. You’re actually a good person. You have friends and family. They would miss you and grieve for you. I don’t have anybody. No one would care.” 137

“Taylor, I would care.” I squeezed his small hand in mine.138

“I know you would that makes me feel great. You’re the only one who cares.”139

“Don’t you have parents?”140

“No I’m 100% orphan. When I was fifteen I got adopted and started public school. But I like divorced my parents…so I could live on my own. You can do that. Though you have to have a job and stuff.”141

“You’ve been alone all these years?” Taylor nodded142

“Your life story is a little worse then mine.” I told Taylor.143

He looked at me calmly. “Hmm…it seems so. But it’s likely to just get worse for me.”144

“Why?”145

“I don’t know…” his voice trailed and whispered something under his breath.146

“You’re so shy, and extremely pessimistic.” 147

“I know this.” He stopped talking to himself.148

“Why are you so pessimistic? You have a great career, and you’re pro at it. You have a nice car…you earn a lot of money. What else do you need?” 149

“Someone to love, what’s life without someone to love?”150

I truthfully don’t know how to answer that question. “You should find someone.” 151

He averted his eyes. We were still holding hands this whole time. His hand clutched mine harder as if he didn’t want to speak.152

“Well…I don’t know…I already like someone…I just don’t know….if they like me back.” Again with the like and love thing?153

“You mean love?” I said154

“Yes, I guess…yes I love him a little…”155

“Only a little?”156

“Okay, a lot.” 157

Time flew by after that. I let go of his hand and he soon relaxed again. We talked for four more hours. I found out a lot about him in that time. I found out his favorite color was hot pink. Like the shirt he was wearing today. I found out that he absolutely loves stars. And in photo shoots he loves working with other models. A few of his favorite things include…modeling, animals, (not horses though) stuffed animals, anything pink, techno music, reading, and writing. The list goes on forever not to mention he has a fear of guns. Not to mention he can speak French, he taught me how to say ‘I love you from the bottom of my heart’ but I could barely pronounce it. He’s such an amazing person. I looked at my cell pone. Almost four now. Three and a half hours we’ve been talking? I never would have thought. 158

“And I wish I could have some place to model without worrying about my scar.”159

“I could help; I have my own studio room in my house. It’s really cool.”160

Taylor’s eyes brightened. “Really?!” he smiled, not a model smile.161

“Yeah, you should come over tomorrow afternoon.”162

“Mm, you mean I have to wait that long to see you again?” He smiled teasingly163

God he is so fucking hot. I’m surprised I can control myself. He was sitting there, hot pink v-neck shirt resting his palm on his chin smiling at me. Me. 164

“Connor?” Taylor put his hand on my cheek trying to get my attention. I shook my head and blinked, Taylor pulled his hand away. 165

“What time do you want me to be at your house?”166

“6:30?”167

Taylor smiled, “Okay,”168

“I need to go now, okay?” 169

“Okay.”170

I stood up and he followed suit. I tugged his arm and he fell forward, purposefully wrapping his arms around me. I embraced him and told him goodbye. 171

“See you tomorrow.”172

“Bye Connor.” 173

I pulled away from him slowly heading in the opposite direction, but had hope knowing I would see him tomorrow. 174

Chapter 7 – Reunion 175

I’m glad I get to see Taylor tomorrow, I truly am. I just wish I could tell him I love him. Maybe that’s foolish. Maybe I should back off. I sat in my kitchen outlining the ends of the roses for Archie’s grave. I wish I could talk to him again. Not Taylor, I mean Archie. Maybe Archie doesn’t want this. Maybe he’s up there or wherever people go when people die. And maybe he doesn’t approve of him. I’ll just have to trust my instincts on this one. I grabbed my phone, keys and flowers; I gripped the steering wheel tight as I drove. This car was so old. It’s been through two deaths. Speeding, being towed. Not to mention that terrible illegal parking at the hospital my bad tags. Maybe I should get a new car. I said to myself as I stepped out of the car. But I stopped. Sitting next to Archie’s grave was a man, he looked my age, and his brown hair fell in his eyes. 176

But that’s not what made me stop. In his two hands he was the blue butterfly from the night before, ripping it apart slowly. I scowled at him. “Hello Connor, I knew I would find you here.” My ears strained at his voice. “I need to talk to you,” He continued his eyes were fixed on the pieces of butterfly in his hands. Was that…Archie’s voice? No. He was dead, dead in the ground. I took a step towards him. He stood up slowly. 177

“Who are you?” My voice closed up. The figure shoved his hands in his pockets and moved the hair out of his eyes with a gentle jerk of his head. Standing in the moonlight was a recognizable figure. His dark hair seemed black in the darkness, he was the same height as me, I could tell even though I wasn’t standing next to him. I choked on my breath and tears leaked on my face. I looked in his green eyes. “Archie?” I wiped the tears from my eyes. My feet unwillingly stepped forward, Closer and closer to him. It was him, it was really him. I choked on my tears, no this couldn’t be him, but his green eyes were staring right back at me, there was light in them. He was standing in front of me on his own grave. As if he would disappear I made haste, grabbing his jacket and pulling him to me. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. His lips felt so familiar, not cold but warm even in the late autumn air. Our lips kissed each other again and again. I could feel one of his hands wiping my tears, the other on my back. What had happened? Was this all a dream? If it is don’t wake me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, allowing me to get closer. Nothing about him had changed. His eyes were still beautiful. His lips were still soft. I stopped kissing him suddenly. He opened his eyes. “Archie…” I choked again. “Shhh…don’t speak.” He pressed his lips on my forehead. 178

“B-but what happened?”179

“I ran away.” 180

“But I saw you die.”181

“I faked it…”182

I closed my eyes to clear my thoughts. “Why did you run away?”183

“I wanted to see if you would live or not.”184

“And if I had died?”185

“I knew you wouldn’t.”186

“I still don’t understand…Archie why would you fake your death…why would you put me through that?”187

“Does it really matter anymore, there’s no one else that you love right?” 188

“Right.” I lied. 189

Archie beckoned me to go to the car. So I took him. I drove him to my house. I un-locked the door and with our lips locked we stumbled into the door. My keys dropped on the floor and he peeled of my jacket. “Archie,” I opened my eyes to stare at him. “Yes Connor?” I took his jacket off and led him to my bed room. “I love you Archie.” I saw hesitation in his eyes but the words came. “I love you too Connor.” I didn’t want to ask him why he hesitated, Cause’ I knew he wouldn’t explain. He had always been stubborn like that. 190

Archie looked at me, for approval as he looked at the bed. I nodded and he laid me down, putting his hands under my shirt. I gasped at his touch. But I let him do whatever he pleased. It’s not like it was anything I hadn’t done with him before. I pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor. 191

“I’ve missed you so much Archie.” He kissed me deeply 192

“I know.” 193

He took what seemed to be his wallet and threw it to the ground. I giggled. “What’s the point, you going lose your pants any way.” Archie smiled. “Your right.” I pulled his belt off and slid his pants off. “See?” I smiled throwing his pants to the floor. He smiled back. Soon he managed to get my pants and shirt off also, teasing and smiling every step of the way. “I haven’t done this is so long.” I admitted sliding his boxers off. Oh god. My face turned bright red and my breathing grew faster. His bare body on top of mine. He let his body fall on mine. All I could remember doing was tangled together until daylight broke. 194

Chapter 8- The Morning After195

Sunlight broke in my room. I opened my eyes and Archie was lying next to me. I smiled and grabbed my boxers and slipped them on silently. I reached up and stretched in the morning light. He was alive. It was the greatest feeling knowing he was alive and well. I walked towards the door, but then I stopped as I stepped on something underfoot. I looked down to see Archie’s wallet. The wallet was an ordinary thing. Black leather, it looked almost new. I bent down to pick it up. Wait. Didn’t I have Archie’s wallet? I glanced over at Archie’s sleeping body and without a sound I raced into the spare bedroom. There, lying on the floor was the box. Franticly I opened it and grabbed Archie’s pink and purple checkered wallet. In it was his I.D. Archie Little; EYES: GREEN. HAIR: BROWN. RACE: CAUCASIN. BIRTHDATE: May 6th 1991. I flipped open the other wallet. And read, Richie Little; EYES: GREEN. HAIR: BROWN. RACE: CAUCASIN. BIRTHDATE: May 6th 1991. I choked on the air as I dropped Archie’s wallet. Leaving Richie’s, I looked at the picture on his I.D. Archie had and identical twin. “Tsk Tsk Tsk.” Richie stood at the door fully clothed. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not nice to mess with other people’s things?” He took a step forward as I took a step back. “What do you want with me?” Terrified I backed into the wall, he took a step forward. “The usual…” He took another step. “Revenge.” I gulped. “Revenge for what?” He laughed and put his hand on my cheek as I trembled un-controllably. “You still don’t understand, do you? It was your fault he died that night. You killed him…do you know what he was going out that night for? DAMNIT.” His voice raised, he green eyes were filled with murderous hate. “You let him leave the house and get in that car when you knew he was drunk what the FUCK!!” He took a step back his eyes were furious. “So, I’m going to get my revenge, you fucking asshole.” I braced myself and he brought his clenched fist back and punched me in the face hard. My head flung to one side, splattering blood on the white wall. “Ugh...” I put my hand to my bloody lip. But he wasn’t done yet.196

He kicked me in the stomach next, and I fell down to my knees. He kneeled down so we were eye level and I spat blood into his face. He yelled and grabbed my throat. “Ugh…” I can’t breathe… “You, Connor will pay.” And at that he smashed my head into the nearest wall with a loud crack. “I’ll be back Connor just you wait.” I watched him from the floor level…pick up his wallet and walk out. Damn it. Blood splattered on the floor. Why was my mouth bleeding so much? Blood filled my mouth and spilled down onto the bland carpet. Then I realized. Archie was dead. How stupid am I? I actually believed he was alive…I thought I was touching him, I thought I was kissing him. But I was wrong. Then…finally the tears came, I choked on my own blood and tears. Time passed lying on the floor, and the blood from my mouth just kept coming. Soon I was lying in a pool of my own blood. Blood blood blood. 197

Chapter Nine – Down the rabbit hole again198

“Connor?” I felt someone touch my shoulder…what happened? “Connor I’m calling 911.” What? “N-no stop.” I gasped. “Oh Connor your alright!” Whose voice is that? The person pulled me close, kissing my forehead. “Connor?” wait, is that Richie? “Get off of me Richie!” I weakly tried to pull the person away, but they still held strong. “It’s not Richie its Taylor.” I opened my eyes to see Taylor, bleach blonde hair tainted with my blood. I attempted to talk but there was still a lot of blood in my mouth. “Could you get me…?” I coughed more blood. “Water.” He carefully rested my head back on the floor and ran out of the room. How long had I been lying here, and why was I bleeding so much? Taylor ran back in the room. “Water?” he said. I sat up slowly soon realizing how dizzy I was. “Oh…WOW.” I took the glass from Taylor. “What?” He said concerned as I took a swig of the water clearing the blood from my mouth. “Dizzy.” I retorted. I chugged the rest and put my hand to my lip, nothing on the outside. I stuck my finger in my mouth. There is where the blood was coming from. There was a big gash right where the inside of my lip met my teeth. Stupid bottom lip. I put my hand to the back of my head. “That is why I passed out.” I accidentally said aloud remembering Richie smacking my head against the wall. “Connor what happened?” I realized how close he was to me now, so close. His arm was on the shoulder like he was cradling me. “It’s such a long story Taylor…”199

“Well I’m here…” I tried to smile for him but I know it turned out bad.200

“Look Richie came in and pretended to be Archie, then punched me and smacked me against the wall…I think he kicked me too I can’t remember…” Taylor moved closer.201

“I’m sorry Connor…” he grunted.202

“It’s alright.” He rested his hand on my cheek gently. 203

“How is your lip?” I looked at my blood in his hair.204

“It hurts, but it’s okay…I’ve been through worse.” 205

Without warning he leaned in and kissed my bottom lip. And after he did he looked up at me and smirked. “What?” 206

“You have…really soft lips.” And he kissed me yet again, this time on both of my lips. At first I hesitated to kiss back, but I slowly moved my lips against his, there was no lust on his lips, just freedom. It felt so good, kissing him, Taylor’s arm around me. It was, perfect. Once I got the strength I put my hand on his neck tracing his scar.207

“Connor.” I opened my eyes.208

“Yes?” He looked worried. 209

“Why are you crying?” I put my hand that was on Taylor neck and pressed it to my face. I was crying, and I didn’t even realize it. 210

“I-I I don’t know…”211

“Are you okay?”212

“I’m happy.”213

“Really?”214

“Yes…”215

“Connor…I…”216

“You what?”217

“Nothing.”218

He still couldn’t say it, he wouldn’t. My eyes glanced away from him for a moment to look at the box of Archie’s possessions. “Pass me the box.” Taylor looked behind him and pushed the box towards me. I opened the box and there it was the scissors I had used to open the box with. I picked them up carefully and slid my fingers into the lefty scissors. “Hold still.” Taylor looked at me with confusion, but only for a moment. I lightly grabbed the hair hiding his scar and clipped it off with one snip. Gone. I took the hair in my hand and threw it sideways, sending tendrils of his blonde locks across the room. Taylor looked at me in shock as his hair floated to the ground. Taylor’s eyes never looked away from me. He just kept his cold solid stare. I looked up to meet his gaze; his blue eyes were filled with fear and shock. 219

I looked away from his gaze, to his exposed scar on his neck. He could no longer hide it. 220

“Why did you do that Connor.” His voice seemed to tremble. 221

“You shouldn’t hide it.” He put his hand to the scar on his neck, almost covering it all. 222

“Why…why?” Taylor gripped his neck.223

“Stop that.” I reached out to grab his hand but his grip was too tight.224

“STOP IT RIGHT NOW TAYLOR!” I was too weak to pull his hand away from his neck, and his grip was terrifyingly tight. Taylor’s eyes began to shut…but he still gasped words.225

“You don’t understand Connor.” I looked at him from his neck to his face…now turning purple from the lack of circulation. But I knew, once his body lost enough oxygen, he would pass out, and he would no longer have a grip on himself. But it still hurt watching him harm himself. I can’t stand it. I inched closer to him and wrapped my arms around him ready to catch him when he passes out. “Shh, Taylor…it will be okay I promise. I promise.” Why was he doing this to himself? It wasn’t that bad was it? I hugged him tighter and then his hand fell from his neck and his body went limp in my arms. He’s heavier than I thought he was, I thought as I lay him on the living room couch. 226

His hair had fallen in his face and his cheek was still not normal color. I pushed his bangs out of his face, his eyes were closed. He looked, so peaceful, yet I knew on the inside he was in pain. “Taylor…” I searched his face for some movement, but nothing. All I could hear was Taylor slowly breathing in and out. My eyes looked at his scar now; I looked it up and down. It just occurred to me, it didn’t look like a knife cut at all, and I frowned putting my fingers on the scar. Knife cuts would be cleaner than this. This was more like he fell into a window or huge piece of glass, or an animal attack. But not a knife cut at all. I pressed my finger hard against his vein in his neck to find a pulse. Shock filled me as I looked at Taylor, why couldn’t I find a pulse? I tried again, nothing. I grabbed his wrist, and I found it. Why couldn’t I find a pulse in his neck? I closed my eyes trying to clear my mind. He’s fine, he’s fine Connor, calm the fuck down. My breathes came in sharp gasps, slowly and sharply. Tears began to fall from my eyes. Stop thinking that you’re going to lose him, you’re not. “Damn it.” I looked at Taylor on the couch breathing in and out slowly. I can’t imagine losing him, like mom and Archie. Though Taylor didn’t mean as much as me as Archie did, I know better than anyone my love would grow for him, I just had a choice to let it or not. 227

“HELP!” a scream came from outside the door. “CONNOR!” I recognized the voice and jumped up to unlock the door. I then proceeded to open it. Standing in the doorway was Alice. Tears were streaming down her face and her hair was a fizzy mess. But that’s not what surprised me. What surprised me was her lack of style. She was wearing a navy blue hoody pull over and pain blue jeans and sneakers. 228

“Connor!” She said crying. Grabbing on to me.229

“Chill, come inside.” She did as told, sobbing still.230

“What happened?”231

She took a step forward and looked me in the eye, as if she were very serious.232

“This guy who looked like Archie came and told me to give you this. He said he was going to hurt umm...Tyler? Tom…Tim?” 233

“Taylor.” I pointed to Taylor’s body on the couch. 234

“Woah, hottie.” She said, smirking.235

“Back off,” I pushed her away from me.236

“Sorry, didn’t know he was already claimed.” I ignored her.237

“What did he say to give me?” 238

Alice reached in her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, I hesitated but took the small piece of paper. On the sheet, it was a picture. Of a pink triangle, I stared at it. 239

“I don’t know what it means.” I glared what could it mean? Does he mean the park? The pink triangle museum? There are so many pink triangle related things in San Francisco. I sighed staring at Alice. 240

“What on earth are you wearing?”241

“Stuff my mom made me wear, isn’t it gross?” 242

“Right.” I started at her.243

“You’re still so hot.” 244

“Ugh, disgusting.”245

“Me?”246

“Yes, you know I’m gay stop with the comments.”247

“That doesn’t mean I haven’t given up on you.”248

“Despicable.” I walked away from her, and walked toward Taylor on the couch.249

Alice smiled as she looked at Taylor. “So he’s bi.” 250

“How did you know?” 251

“That,” She points at him. “Is Taylor Young. Teen Model, every girl knows who he is.” 252

I frowned. “But you know nothing about him.” 253

“Sure I do, he dropped out of high school when he was sixteen, he tried to kill himself, and his favorite color is pink. Oh, and he just woke up.” 254

I turned around to see Taylor sitting up on the couch glaring at Alice like she was the devils daughter. 255

“Are you okay Taylor?” I say on the couch.256

“Is that?”257

“Alice an old friend from school.” 258

“Yeah.” He growled.259

“What? You’re new boyfriend don’t know you tried to kill yourself? Mad that I said that or something?” Alice said260

“He is not my boyfriend.” Taylor replied261

For the first time since I had met Taylor, I could hear the anger in his voice. I didn’t know he could be angry. 262

“Oh.” Alice looked at me “Connor he’s not your boyfriend?” 263

“I guess…not.” I looked at Taylor sadly but he still glared at Alice.264

“Well anyway, when he tried to kill himself he got-”265

“SHUT UP!” Taylor yelled.266

Alice stopped immidiatly. “I know you don’t like me Alice, just get out!” 267

Alice giggled. “Fine, love you Connor doll.” She blew me a kiss. “Taylor.” She stared and headed for the door. She made sure to slam the door behind her.268

“You know her?”I looked at Taylor.269

“Yeah…” His anger died down270

“So, I’m not your boyfriend?” 271

Taylor looked at me now. “Of course you are, if you’ll have me.”272

I smiled “I wouldn’t want anyone else.” He kissed my cheek.273

“That’s not true, you’d rather have Archie.”274

I looked at him. “He’s gone now…”275

He glared. “But if he came back to life.” 276

“Stop, he’s not coming back.”277

“This is so hard.”278

“What is?”279

“If you had stayed with Archie, if he has lived, you never would have met me.”280

“I would have.” I smiled281

“No…”282

“Just don’t worry.” I kissed him again. 283

“Richie said he was going to kill you.” I said284

“The guy who attacked you?”285

“Yeah.”286

“Okay…”287

“You’re staying with me tonight.” Taylor smiled nervously at this.288

“Yay.”289

I smiled softly. 290

“Archie would be proud of you Connor.” 291

I was shocked at this. “Why?” 292

“You have this wonderful house, career…boyfriend.” He giggled.293

“He was a great person.” I said.294

“So I’ve heard.” 295

“Archie would have liked you.”296

“No he doesn’t.” 297

I frowned. “You never met him.”298

“I know he doesn’t like me.”299

“Sure…” I glared.300

“Do you know?” 301

“Know what?”302

“Where he was going to do the night he died.”303

“No idea.” 304

For a moment we just sat there and stared at each other.305

“Tell me something Connor.”306

I blinked. “What Taylor?”307

“Tell me about Archie.”308

“W-why?”309

“I want to know about him, everything and anything you want to tell me.” 310

He looked so weak, his hair was cut, and he was tired and worried. 311

“Lay back down.” 312

I lay next to him on the couch. 313

“Okay.”314

Chapter 10- Archie little. 315

“Archie was a great person. He was so different than anyone else. He could make me smile, even after my mother’s death. He was everything I could have asked for.” I glanced over at Taylor for a moment. “It’s difficult to explain. I love him so much; it’s very hard for me to put those feelings into words.” I looked at Taylor again, he had his eyes closed. “Are you listening?”316

He smiled. “Yes Connor.” I sighed relieved, my heart began to ache, but I still continued. “There were so many things about him. His personality, the way he acted, the way he dressed, the way he treated me…” I began to trail off.317

At this he opened his eyes. “Was he kind?”318

I looked at him puzzled. “Yes, very.” 319

“Oh…”320

“Why did you ask?” 321

“I don’t know…”322

“Any more questions?”323

“Did he ever tell you about Richie?”324

“No…”325

“Why not?”326

“I don’t know, I know he had a good reason though. He always did.”327

Taylor frowned “Okay.”328

“What’s wrong Taylor?”329

“Did you ever find out who the driver of the car was?”330

“Um...it wasn’t a car; it was an eighteen wheeler truck…” But that was a very good question.331

“What?”332

“I never found out, never really asked.”333

“Ah, I see.”334

“Why?”335

“It just seemed important, that’s all.”336

I shrugged at this. “Connor?”337

“Yes?”338

“I…”339

“What?”340

“Nothing…can I go to sleep? I’m really tired…it’s been a long day.”341

“Sure.” I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. 342

He smiled and stared at me.343

“What?”344

“Nothing!” He grinned and pulled the blanket over his head.345

“Okay.”346

“Connor?” I grinned and sat up, giving him more room to lie on the couch. 347

“Yes?” I turned back348

“Goodnight.”349

“Goodnight Taylor.”350

I stood up and walked out of the room and went to lie down on my bed. My body seemed to fall, relieved onto my bed. I sighed as my head began sinking into my pillow. Goodnight Taylor, Goodnight Archie. 351

Chapter 11- Blame Game352

The next morning, I woke up to screaming. 353

“CONNOR!” I swiftly ran out of my room and into the living room, where the source of the screaming was coming from. Shocked, I looked around the room to see Taylor laying on the couch and Richie sitting next to him. Richie turned to me and smiled slyly. 354

“How nice of you to join us, we were just discussing a few things.” He looked as if he was laughing at me.355

“You bastard get the fuck away from Taylor.” He stood up from where he was sitting on the couch and stepped towards me. 356

“Make me.” He challenged.357

“Asshole.” 358

“C’mon, I’ll take him.”359

“You wouldn’t.” He laughed at me now, “He’s more important to me then you. I’ll kill you,” He paused. “Both, but before I have my revenge, I’ll cause some pain. Have fun.” Evil seemed to glisten in his eyes. I could tell he wasn’t lying.360

“Get out!” I yelled “NOW.”361

He looked over at Taylor “Taylor, come here.” Taylor stood up, slowly and looked at Richie with dread. 362

“Taylor, what are you doing?” 363

“Connor just shut up,” he said. Did, he really just say that to me?364

Richie grinned and looked at Taylor’s neck. 365

“What is that dreadful scar you have there Taylor?” Richie said teasingly, as if he didn’t know how he had gotten it. Taylor bit his quivering lip, as if it would calm him. Maybe even for a moment. 366

“I asked you a question Taylor, SAY SOMETHING!” Richie stepped towards Taylor. 367

“Get away from him Richie.” But Richie paid no attention to me, his eyes stayed focused on Taylor. “C’mon answer me.” Richie took his index finger on Taylors chin and lifted his head up. 368

“Richie, get your fucking filthy hands off of him.” 369

“What? Is he yours or something Connor?” He smiled and kissed Taylors cheek. 370

Taylor stood still, looking at the wall. I could tell his blue eyes were holding back tears. 371

“You’re disgusting.” 372

“Heh, that’s not what you thought the other night.” He grinned and stepped away from Taylor.373

“What do you want from us?” 374

“Revenge.” 375

“What?”376

“You killed my twin brother.” 377

“Well, he never mentioned you; apparently you weren’t that important to him.” 378

“I could say the same thing about you.” 379

For a moment we just held a stare, eyes locked until Taylor interrupted. 380

“Get out.” Richie looked at Taylor.381

“If that’s what you want.” He took a step backward. 382

“See you later Taylor.” He glanced at me. “Connor.” He turned his back on us, opened the door, and left. I stared at the closed door for a couple of moments. 383

“Why did you listen to him Taylor?” He fell back onto the couch and sighed.384

“Connor, I’m sorry. If he was going to hurt anyone, I wanted it to be me, not you.” 385

“Why?”386

“I care about you Connor, I really do. If you were paying any attention you would notice that.” I walked over to the couch and sat next to Taylor. 387

“Is that so?” 388

“Yes.”389

“Come here.”390

He sat up and looked at me. 391

“Do you want to do a photo shoot?” 392

“I’m a wreck Connor, do you see me?” 393

“Taylor, you look amazing.” 394

“Oh, you think?” The sarcasm was very harsh in his voice.395

“Yeah…I do. C’mon it will make you feel better, I know it will.” 396

“Your right about that.” 397

“C’mon, please.”398

“GRR…okay.” 399

I looked at Taylor. His blue eyes were filled with such worry and despair. 400

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you Taylor.”401

Taylor laughed, “He’ll get me.”402

“Who?”403

“Richie.” 404

“No, Taylor, I’ll protect you.”405

“You don’t understand at all.”406

“I don’t understand what?”407

“Richie believes that you killed Archie. And since you killed someone he loved, he’ll kill someone you love.” I looked at the floor, the only person I love is Taylor…and my Aunt Alexis…but…that’s a different kind of love.408

“Taylor, I’m not going to let that happen to you I won’t. I’ve lost my mom, I’ve lost Archie, and there is no way in hell I’m losing you too.” Taylor but his hand to the missing hair on his neck, trying to hide his scar. “Don’t hide it.” Taylor flinched as I moved his hand away. 409

“Why not?” 410

“Geez, I’ve told you a billion times.” I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards me. At this he seemed quiet shocked. 411

“What is it?” I stopped.412

“Are we going to kiss again?” 413

I smirked “If you’d shut up and let me.” 414

As soon as he shut his mouth we kissed again, though it only lasted for a brief moment. 415

“Connor?”416

“Yes?”417

“Would you date me?”418

“Yes.”419

“Will you.”420

I stopped to think. “Yes.”421

He blinked. “Why did you hesitate?” 422

“I don’t know, I was just thinking.” 423

“Thinking about?”424

“Archie.” 425

“I see…” Taylor slid his hand into mine and we interlocked fingers. 426

“I love him a lot Taylor.”427

“I know.”428

“Thank you for understanding.” 429

He smiled that wonderful model smile. “No problem.”430

I smiled back, wait…that reminds me. “Well, my new boyfriend…how about that photo shoot?” 431

His eyes lit up with joy. “YES!” 432

We headed into the bathroom and I trimmed the shag of hair I had left. You have to give me some credit, I’d never cut any hair before, and it almost looked professional. After we finished that, Taylor has to wash his face. After he was done, he glowed like a brand new toy, just dying to be played with. 433

“You look…great.” I was staring, I knew I was, but I seriously couldn’t help that. “What about the blood stains?” I looked at his shirt tainted with my dried blood. Taylor rolled his eyes and took his shirt off. 434

“That better?” But I didn’t hear hi, I was too mesmerized by his body. Models. Geez.435

“Connor?” I blinked.436

“Yeah?”437

He smirked. “C’mon, show me where this amazing room of yours is.” 438

“Okay…take your socks off.” He did as he was told and took his socks off. Now the only thing he was wearing was boxers and jeans. And let me tell you, he looked damn sexy. WE headed out of the bathroom and into the photography room. As we walking in I was his jaw drop. 439

“Connor this is AMAZING.” He proclaimed. 440

“Ha,” I sat in my desk and hooked my computer into the USB socket. Connecting it into the camera’s around the room.441

“So, where are the cameras?” 442

“They are positioned in different angles all over the room. I can use my regular camera also, but it’s so much better to do it this way, I can get a lot of better angles.” 443

Taylor looked around. “I see some of the cameras. How do you control them?” 444

“My computer, I can turn all the cameras on, or just the one’s I want. I can also choose which camera’s I want to shoot from, or I can just make them all shoot at the same time. I can make them automatically shoot every…however seconds I want them to. 445

Taylor jumped excitedly. “Cool.”446

“So, you ready?” 447

I sat down and pulled up the cameras on the laptop and Taylor nodded and skipped towards the center of the room.448

“Lights, Camera, Action.” 449

Chapter 12- The proof is in the pictures450

Taylor’s body never ceases to amaze me. The way he moves in front of a camera…is indescribable. 451

“Tilt your head left, and up.” I said he was lying on the floor; he did as I said and looked up at one of the cameras in the wall. Perfect, I clicked the capture button on my laptop and the camera in the wall flashed. I smiled as the picture came up on the screen. Those perfect blue eyes gazed into the camera, and the way his head was tilted you could see this scar. I stared at the picture, wondering. 452

“Connor?” 453

I blinked. “Yeah?”454

“You going to take more pictures or are you just going to stare at that one all day?” 455

I smirked at him. “I have an idea.” 456

“What is it?”457

“Just keep posing for me okay?” 458

Taylor nodded and went back to paying his attention to the cameras. I set my eyes on my computer and set the camera’s to automatically shoot every 15 seconds. I took my hands off the keyboard and peeled my jacket off. 459

“That’s better.” I said460

“What are you doing?” Taylor said, still posing for the cameras that clicked.461

“Joining you.” I slowly walked into the camera view and sat down next to him. Then our eyes met. 462

“What…?” 463

“Just play along okay? I’m not professional model.” 464

“Okay.” He said, not showing the confusion on his face, for he knew the cameras wouldn’t like that. 465

I kissed his cheek softly and laid him on the ground slowly, his eyes kept to the cameras, but I focused on him, tracing my hand down his side feeling the soft skin on his stomach. After a few moments he looked back at me and we smiled at each other. I love him. I really do, I just can’t say it right now. I can’t…the suddenly Taylor sat up and kissed me. My lips began to tingle as I kissed him back, again and again letting our lips collide. His kissing style…was a lot different thing Archie’s, he was more…shy and gentle. 466

Picture after picture we moved in some way, placing out hands on each other, glaring at the cameras and posing. Eventually, Taylor decided that he wanted my shirt off and he pulled it off and threw it across the room. Dear God, I hope it captured him seductively staring at me while he threw my shirt. That’s going to be an amazing picture. And even if the cameras didn’t get it, it will forever be engraved in my memory. 467

Halfway into our shoot I got use the constant clicking sound of the cameras. I probably wouldn’t have it Taylor wasn’t there thought. He’s very distracting.468

Taylor kissed me again. “Can we stop?” I nodded and ran to the laptop shutting off the cameras. 469

“Wow,” I looked at the screen.470

“Two hundred and forty four pictures.” Taylor read over my shoulder. 471

“That’s…what? An hour of photo shooting?” 472

“Yeah.” Taylor agreed.473

We stayed in the room for another hour reviewing editing and posting them on my website. The pictures had turned out fantastically; maybe someone would want to buy a couple of prints. Hopefully. 474

I walked into my bedroom tired and fell onto my bed, Taylor followed. 475

“I’m going to go…”476

I was shocked at this. “What? No!” 477

“Huh, you want me to stay?”478

“YES! Of course plus, what is Richie came after you?”479

Taylor looked at the ground sadly but then looked up at me with a smile.480

“I didn’t want to go, and I guess I won’t!” Taylor jumped onto my bed and lay down next to me. 481

“I told you, you’re not going anywhere, I won’t let you out of my sight.” 482

He smiled at this, “Okay.” 483

I couldn’t help but stare at him; he’s just so amazing so out of my league. I don’t feel good enough for him…I.484

“Connor, what are you thinking about?” I sighed.485

“You ask that question a lot you know!” 486

“Maybe so, but that’s just because I’m curious.” 487

“And you know what? Curiosity killed the cat!”488

“What cat? It doesn’t matter, he has nine lives!”489

“Well you’ve asked that question more than nine times.”490

“So, does that mean I’m dead?” 491

Silence. Dead Silence. 492

“Don’t say that, you’re not going to die.”493

“Well, I can but I’m trying my hardest not to.”494

I sighed again, as pain pulsed in my chest. 495

“Stay alive please; I need your right now.”496

“Why do you need me?”497

“How could I not?”498

Taylor sighed, “You make no sense.” 499

I kissed his cheek. “I know, I’ve been told.” 500

I looked at the clock, it read 8:30. What time had we gotten up? 5? Did the photo shoot and yelling at Richie really take that long? Wow. 501

“I’m going to go to bed okay?” Taylor said502

“No good night kiss?” 503

He grinned and kissed me once more, then laid his head on one my pillows and drifted to sleep.504

Chapter 13- “Richie c’mon.” I looked behind me to see my little brother running towards the playground. He was so foolish. 505

“Archie come back here! I don’t need you getting lost again.”506

“Oh shut up Richie your only seventeen minutes older than me!”507

I glared at Archie climbing on top of the jungle gym. “Get the hell down from there!” 508

You think we were too old to be innocent, but at that point we were. Twelve and in 6th grade. Yes, somehow we were still innocent little children. Or at least Archie was. I remembered how much our father hated us. I remember standing over Archie’s body and protecting him from my father’s hand. I still have bruises. I still have scars from protecting my little brother. He meant the world to me. He still does till the day that I die. 509

I walked over to the jungle gym and looked up and Archie stepping on top of the bars. Archie glanced at me. 510

“What?” He said511

“You know what.” Archie sighed and sat down. 512

“You’re such a mother.” 513

“I have to be since ours is gone. Who else is going to look after you?” For a moment we just stared at each other, and we did so because there was a truth we knew. We knew that we were the only thing in this world that each other had. We knew there was no safe haven to go to. There was nothing, no one. It was just me Archie and the world, and the world it seemed to be a lonely place without him. 514

I remember getting older, as the years went on dad didn’t get any worse. He was just dad. He held us captive when he felt like it, the only thing we ever looked forward to was school. We walked up the cold stairs at our middle school side by side, step by step. 515

I’d never forget eighth grade year. It was the year that Archie came out to dad. Archie had never been beaten so badly, and since I tried to defend him, I was the one who was punished. So later that year, I was sent to military school to get me straightened out. I liked to better then being with my father, but the fact I knew that Archie was alone…and that I wasn’t with him, it killed me. 516

Hours upon hours I would sit in my room at the military school and worry about him. I sent letters, but I didn’t know what the use was. I knew that my father would soon dispose of them before Archie could even get his hands on them.517

Junior year I got a call from Archie, it had been the first time I’d talked to him since 8th grade. His voice had changed just like mine, we sounded exactly alike. It was weird talking to him on the phone, like hearing my voice echoed back to me.518

Archie and I had worked it would so I would get to see him and his boyfriend, he sounded sweet enough. He was. The first time I saw Archie again, I ran up to him and just stopped and stared. We both smiled at each other and hugged. I wish I could describe how good it felt it see him again, but there is no description of words or string of letters that would fill the gap that had left me for so long. 519

“Richie missed you so much, love you to death geez. Look at you.” I stared at him520

“But I am.” I grinned.521

“Still just as cunning as you’ve always been, how’s school?”522

“Hell, how’s dad?”523

“Hell.” 524

“I’ll believe that,” I put my hand on Archie’s shoulder, “He hasn’t hurt you has he?”525

“Not as much as he did that night. Nothing more than a couple scratches.” He smiled and looked up at the sky. “Nothing I can handle mother.” He was still himself, the Archie I had known after all these years.526

He hadn’t changed a bit, his eyes were still the vibrant color they’d always been, and he was still the most optimistic person on the face of the earth. He was the only one that could make me smile.527

Up to this point in our reunion I had ignored Archie’s little boyfriend. Alex I think his name was. 528

“Hey, Richie?” Alex looked at me.529

“Yeah?” 530

“I’ve heard very little about you…” 531

I looked at Alex. “Yeah, I’m not that interesting.”532

After the dinner I pulled Archie over to the side to talk to him. 533

“You never told Alex about me?” I stared534

“No I didn’t.”535

“Why not? Aren’t I important to you?” 536

Archie sighed. “Of course you are Richie. I love you. I’ve gone through my toughest moments with you.”537

“Then why not tell them?”538

Archie stepped closer to me and pressed his lips to my ear. “Because I don’t want them to know. I don’t want them to know what happened to me Richie. I don’t want them to look at me, and think of me as an abused little boy. I don’t want to lie about why you were taken away. I don’t lie, never.” We stayed there for a moment, his lips on my ear, and my lips to his ear. Just standing there waiting for one another to speak. But I was the one who broke the silence. 539

“I understand. But I need you to understand something. You are my world. I’ve bled for you, I’ve given up everything for you. I’ve always stood up for you Archie. Don’t you forget that.” Archie laughed.540

“I’ve never forgotten that Richie.” 541

And with that we went our separate ways. I never saw him again. The next time I heard of his name was on the phone with my father. Telling me that he had been in a terrible accident. He told me his boyfriend had let him drive drunk and he got hit. 542

After that I went to the hospital and got the information of who visited him. ‘Connor Goodwin,’ I would never forget the name. Apparently Alex had died…but that didn’t matter anymore. And as I was leaving the hospital I overheard a very, interesting conversation. 543

“Hey, did you get Taylor Young’s papers settled?” I voice whispered. I stopped in my tracks, realizing this was the person who was across the room from Archie. 544

“Yeah, it’s all clear. Press will never find out the real way he killed himself.”545

The other man laughed. “Taylor Young, he thinks he’s such an amazing model. Thinking he’s going to kill himself. No, but instead he killed that poor Archie kid. I really feel bad for him.”546

“Alright, let’s get out of here; I have to be back at work soon.”547

“Let’s do it.” 548

My heart froze. “That spoiled rich kid had tried to kill himself? And killed Archie instead? And that little brat of a boyfriend…let Archie drive drunk? What the hell. And my father, my son of a bitch of a father just couldn’t stand him anymore could he?549

I walked down the hallway and out the doors, when I got in my car, I broke down. How could they do this to him? How could they? No, how could I? I’m the one who wasn’t here to protect him…maybe if I was here…no. It was their fault. All theirs. And you know what? They’re going to pay for it. 550

And that’s when it hit me, when I looked up in the mirror. I saw the perfect plan staring right back at me. 551

Chapter 14- Picture Perfect 552

Around 10:30 I was awoken by a knocking on the door, and I thought. Will I ever get any sleep? As I stretched tiredly and looked to my side, Taylor was curled up hugging onto one of my pillows. Fast asleep, like he should be, and that’s how he will stay. I got up and put some clothes on swiftly, hoping the person at the door would wait for me. As I ran back into the living room and opened the door, for the first time this week I didn’t recognized the person at the door.553

“Hello, my name is Albert Jenkins, from the PFLAG.”554

I looked the man up and down. “You mean, Parents Families and friends of lesbians and gays? How may I help you?” I invited him in and he slowly evaluated my living place.555

“It’s a very nice place you have here Mr. Goodwin.”556

“Thank you Sir. Now, what exactly did you come here for?” 557

Albert sat down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table and asked me to sit. “PFLAG, is creating a book you see, and we were looking for some pictures to put in it. We saw that you were a gay photographer and decided to check out some of your work. And the photo’s you published last night on your website, are nothing less than remarkable.”558

Inside my head I was laughing, how could someone have already seen those pictures? Do people really look at my website every day? 559

“Why thank you, which pictures were you interested in putting in your book?” 560

“I and the rest of the people making the book decided on twenty pictures that we liked the most.” Albert took out a folder and passed them to me. I opened the folder and looked to see. All of them were pictures of Taylor and I, they didn’t chose a single one of the pictures that I took of Taylor alone. 561

“We noticed, the Model here, Taylor Young he’s very famous for what he does. Many people across America love his photography.”562

I smiled, “Yes I know, he’s a wonderful person…and a great model to work with.” 563

“Ah, well…if I may ask how did you two come up with such a lovely idea in this photo shoot? I did know Taylor was Bi…but I didn’t know he was willing to work with his photographers like that.” 564

I began to laugh. “Wow.”565

“Why do you laugh?” 566

“He’s not like that…we’re lovers you see?” 567

I could see an epiphany erupt on Albert’s face. “Oh, I hadn’t heard any news of Taylor having a boyfriend.” 568

I sighed. “Well, I guess it will be your job to tell the world we’re together then right? That’s how it goes, with models and actors, and the press.” 569

“Indeed. Well, for your twenty pictures, PFLAG is willing to give you fifty dollars for each of these photos’s we want to use.” 570

“But there are twenty photos…you would be giving me 1,000 dollars.” 571

“Yes, and you would be splitting it with Taylor, right?” 572

“Yes. Wow, thank you.” 573

The man smiled at me. “We’ll keep in touch.” He shook my hand and left. 574

Wow, I just made 500 dollars. I let that sink into my head for a moment. I had never mad 500 dollars in an hour and a half of photo shooting. I ran into my bed room to wake up Taylor.575

“Taylor! Wake up! I have good news to tell you!” I jumped on the bed like the immature 18 year old I was. “Wake up!” Taylor sat up quickly and looked at me jumping on the bed.576

“What on earth are you doing?” He said in a monotone voice.577

“I just,” I jumped into the air. “Made,” and I jumped again. “500 dollars!” I continued jumping on the bed and after three minutes Taylor joined me. And we jumped on the bed together, like we were little children again. 578

“Oh shit,” Taylor stopped jumping579

“What?”580

“Today’s Monday.” I stopped jumping too. 581

“What time is it?” We both looked at the clock. 10:00 glared back at us.582

“I was supposed to be at work and hour ago.” 583

“ME TOO!” I yelled. 584

I have never gotten ready for work, in such a hurry. I ran into the photography room and unhooked my laptop and grabbed my camera, ran into the living room got my keys and wallet and was ready to leave, in about ten minutes. While I was doing that Taylor was in the bathroom getting ready, washing up and trying to fix his hair. “CONNOR! I’m taking one of your shirts; mine still has blood all over it.” He yelled from the bathroom. 585

“OKAY!” I yelled back, zipping my bag up and slinging it over my shoulder gently. A moment later Taylor ran into the living room looking gorgeous, as always. 586

“Okay, you’re shirts a little big, but that’s okay.” 587

I nodded. “You look great.”588

Taylor glared at me. “Shit, what about my scar?” 589

“Don’t worry about it.” I stepped towards him and kissed him deeply, trying to relieve some of our stress. 590

“We’ve got to go, c’mon.” Taylor said, and we headed towards the door. Sadly, Taylor walked towards his pink Cadillac, and I walked towards my poor piece of crap, and we went our separate ways.591

Once I got to work I knew I was in big trouble. I ran in the doors and everyone glared at me.592

“Boss wants to see you Goodwin.” I nodded and went back and knocked on his door. 593

“Come in.” He said.594

I opened the door, and he was there sitting in his chair waiting for me.595

“Sit.” 596

I did as I was told and I waited for him to lecture me, but that’s not what I got.597

“Congratulations Connor.”598

“Huh?” 599

“This morning I got a visit from a man from PFLAG, coming to look for you here, about putting some of your photography in a book. And I told him you weren’t here and where to find you. Did you take his offer?”600

“Yes sir, I did.”601

“I saw the photographs you took too; it must have been an honor working with Taylor Young.” 602

I sighed. “Yes sir, it was…a great experience. He’s my boyfriend you should know.”603

“Really?” He seemed surprised. “Well, congratulations again Connor, it seems you’ve had a good weekend.”604

I reviewed my weekend. “You could say that. But, Sir, I want to apologize for being late…my weekend has been awfully busy and-“605

“No need, many people have come in today asking to buy the photo’s you took last night.” 606

“Really?” 607

“Yes, why don’t you give me the photo’s so I can start ordering there prints, that all these lovely people are requesting?” 608

“Yes, sir, I’ll send them to you right now.” 609

“Thank you Connor that will be all.”610

“Thank you Sir.” And I walked out of the room.611

Can you believe it? I’m going to make so much money off of these pictures! YES! 612

After sending the pictures to my boss I checked if I had any photo shoots to do today, and I didn’t, so I went home early. 613

As I walked in the door my phone began to ring.614

“Hello?” I waited for an answer615

“Hey, is this Connor?”616

I hesitated to reply. “Amber?” 617

“Yeah, it’s me.”618

“Umm…haven’t talked to you since high school, what’s up?”619

“Saw you in those god damn terrible pictures with Taylor Young, how’d you manage to get your paws on him?” 620

“What do you want Amber?”621

“Your little boyfriends been kidnapped.” 622

“Oh, shut up.”623

“No it’s true. California news is freaking out cause’ they can find their beloved model Taylor Young. Just came to call you and ask if you knew where he was.”624

“N-no I don’t,”625

“Too bad I guess. Since all of those pictures you added last night on the website, press will be there soon to ask if you know where he is. Since you were the very last person to see him.” 626

Fuck, where are you Taylor? “You’re just pulling my chain Amber.”627

She laughed. “See ya.”628

And the line went dead. Was he really missing?629

Then it hit me, Richie had probably kidnapped him. But where was he? I looked around the room for some evidence left. But I found nothing. Then I saw something on the counter. I walked up to the counter and picked up a small piece of paper. It was the paper Alice had given me the other day, with a big pink triangle on it. That’s where he is, it’s got to be…Pink Triangle Park. 630

Chapter 15- The Truth631

I knew I was right from the moment I first looked at that small sheet of paper. I just knew it, and all my fears became true when I slammed my car door and rushed into the deserted park to find it not so deserted at all. Lying down in the grass was Taylor, still wearing my shirt from this morning. 632

“Taylor?” I called out. His head shot up to reveal tears streaming down his face.633

“GET AWAY FROM HERE, CONNOR LEAVE!” He screamed.634

“No…I’m not leaving without you, come on.” From behind one of the statues Richie’s figure immerged and picked Taylor off the ground.635

“Taylor, isn’t going anywhere.” Richie said holding Taylor from behind. Taylor didn’t even try to move, not even a bit. I still couldn’t get use to how Richie looked. The same small body, the same green eyes, the identicalness was mind blowing. 636

“I’m really tired of you Richie, let him go.” I took a step forward.637

“Don’t you dare take another step,” Richie pulled out a gun and rested the end on Taylor’s head. “Or you’ll regret it.” 638

I stopped dead in my tracks. “Richie.”639

“Yes?” 640

“Stop this…” Richie seemed to grin. 641

“Make me.” I stood there helpless, alone and breaking. Taylor was crying his eyes out, without even making a sound…and Richie he was just smiling, happy as could be holding a gun to the head of the person I loved the most. It disgusted me, how this made him simply…overjoyed. 642

“See Connor, this is what’s going to happen; I’m going to kill this little thing you call a boyfriend. Then I’m going to kill you. Taylor, you tell him why.”643

Taylor opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. 644

“DAMNIT TAYLOR TELL CONNOR WHY!” Richie laughed manically 645

“Because…We killed Archie.” Taylor managed to say, the words barley falling off of his lips.646

I stood there silently. “Neither of us killed Archie, c’mon Richie, what other shit are you going to make him say?” Then I heard a laugh from behind me and I turned around to see Amber pointing a gun at my head. Why was she here? 647

“You? What did I ever do to you?” 648

She stepped closer and punched me in the face, but I didn’t move. 649

“You, you took Alice away from me. You came into our school as the ‘new’ kid. All innocent and sweet. She was in love with you Connor, and you shoved it down her throat and MADE HER EAT IT! Do you know how badly you hurt her? Then even after that she couldn’t get over you. I loved her for four years, now all she can talk about is you!” Amber pointed the gun at my head.650

“We had an agreement Amber. I get to kill Connor.” Richie called to Amber.651

“Yeah yeah, as long as the job gets done it’s all the same to me.” She put her gun down. 652

I looked back at Taylor and Richie. Richie was still laughing, as if he couldn’t control himself at all. “Taylor has something to tell you Connor.” Richie giggled.653

Taylor stood there, gun to his head with a blank expression, looking at the ground. 654

“C’mon Taylor! TELL HIM!” Amber laughed. 655

“If you tell him, we might let you live.” Richie said putting his mouth to Taylor’s ear.656

“I don’t care if I live or die,” Taylor said657

“You’re making things very difficult now.” Richie’s face turned sour and his he stopped his laughing. Richie placed the gun to the scar on Taylor’s neck. “Tell him how you got this lovely scar of yours. Why don’t you?” 658

“I tried to kill myself…” I could barely hear him speak.659

“And why did you fail?” 660

“B-because…”661

“Why Taylor, tell him why.”662

“What is going on here?” I yelled. “I already know how he tried to kill himself.” 663

“Oh do you? Why don’t you tell us then?” Richie looked at me for a response.664

I hesitated, did Taylor lie to me? Richie smiled as I didn’t answer.665

“Taylor, tell him now, or I’ll make sure you watch Connor die slowly and painfully, come on now…I don’t want to make you squeal…too loud.” 666

Taylor looked me in the eyes. “I was in a car accident.” He began to sob667

“OH? How do you try to kill yourself, when you got in this car accident…tell us.” 668

“Well…I got in a car…and I was going to run into a pole at a very…high speed…it’s hard to explain…really.”669

“And why didn’t that work out?” Richie kept the gun on Taylor’s neck. 670

Taylor was breaking down in tears at this point, “I-I can’t do it Richie…” Taylor choked. 671

Richie pressed the gun harder onto Taylor’s scar. 672

“It didn’t work…because…before I could hit the pole…there was someone…so I slammed on the breaks…but…I still hit him.” 673

“Who Taylor.” 674

Taylor looked at his feet planted well in the ground, and he closed his eyes trying to force back more tears. He looked as if he wanted Richie to shoot him, he looked as if, he wanted to die. I looked at Taylor, waiting for him to respond, and so were Richie and Amber. We all stood completely still, waiting for him. His words. This moment. 675

“Archie Little…” Taylor spoke clearly now, clearly full of fear. “I’m sorry Connor…I…”676

“You…You were the driver who swerved off the road and hit Archie...” Richie seemed to glow, knowing that he got him to say it. 677

“Yes…I didn’t see him…he came out of nowhere…” Taylor looked away from me.678

“You lied to me…” I began to cry. 679

I glanced from Richie’s smile, to Ambers, but it was Taylor who I couldn’t look at. Taylor who I couldn’t stand to see. Taylor, who killed my Archie…680

Chapter 16- Accident 681

“Taylor, where are you going?” I looked back at the girl, who was she? Probably some model here.682

“Uh, just going outside, I’ll be back.” 683

“Okay!! I’ll make sure to tell everyone!” 684

I sighed. But the problem is I won’t be back. Not Ever. I walked outside into the parking lot and looked at all the cars. Which one should I steal? Hmm, which one is the most destructive. I glanced across the lot, eighteen wheeler, interesting. Someone must be here delivering some outfits and stuff. I choose you. I unlocked the car easily enough, to find that the keys were already in the ignition. Lucky me. 685

I took a deep breath and turned the key. You can do this Taylor, killing yourself is going to be easy, just keep your cool, it’s going to be over soon. There’s a huge poll on the side of the street…on the deserted road, near San Francisco’s cemetery. You just have to make it down the street, hit the pole, and it will all be over with. Worst case scenario, I live. 686

I looked at the seat belt and began to put it on, but then laughed and stopped myself. I didn’t need my seatbelt, I was about to go kill myself. I didn’t have a gun, I didn’t have a knife…Plus if I do it this way it will make it seem like an accident. It’s perfect. I don’t want the press to know that I was trying to kill myself! Ha, please. Your probably thinking ‘Oh Taylor, what about your family?’ Well I don’t have any family, I never have and I never will. It’s just lucky me, that my mother didn’t want me, and gave me up and the people that adopted me were abusive. You see? That’s why you couldn’t reproduce idiots, God didn’t want to you have some fuck up child, because he knew you would be terrible parents. I backed the car out of the space, and left the parking lot, heading down the deserted street. It feels so great, so great to know…it will all be over soon. Thank God. I floored the gas and the vehicle surged under me. It felt so powerful, as did I. The fact that I know I can do it, just makes me feel powerful, but at the same time, the fact that I need to makes me feel weak. I smirked at thought, if only I had long hair this would feel so much better, since I was riding with the driver’s window down. What more could I want? Flowing long blonde hair, ha in my dreams. Up ahead I saw the pole, and my heart began to race, faster and faster.687

I’m so ready for this; I’m so ready to be free of this world. No more press, no more fans, no more work, no more love, no more life, just death. Bittersweet cold, cool death…running down my spine and creeping down my throat, slitting away my tension, numbing my senses, making it all, clear. I relaxed as the pole became closer and closer, I had no fear. I didn’t take my eyes off of it…it was my dream, my only hope. And I was almost there. 688

Then about four feet in front of me I saw someone, right in front of the truck. I took my foot off the gas and slammed on the breaks as hard as I could and pulled up the emergency break. I hadn’t thought about not having my seatbelt on, and the impact it would have on me if I pulled the emergency break, so when I pulled it up, I went flying through the windshield. 689

So this is it? I remember thinking, flying through the air watching the truck soar past me. This is it. 690

I hit the ground and I let out a scream…as I realized I’d landed on a piece of glass. My fingers trembled as I put my hand to my neck; there was a piece of glass lodged in my throat. I scraped my fingernails against the pavement and cried for death.691

“D-damnit…” I tried to turn my head. But the pain was too great. I could feel the warm blood running down my neck…I tried to calm down but I couldn’t help but scream. I felt like my whole body was broken up into a thousand glass pieces. That would never be repaired. I couldn’t move my left arm…all I could do was look up at the night sky wondering if the person I hit was okay. I gasped for air again and again, but nothing came. All I could taste was blood, in my mouth, in my mind, in my throat, I could taste it. Then I heard a voice.692

“H-hey.” I blinked and tried to sit up. I’m hearing things. “Stop, don’t try to sit up.” I felt someone tilt my head up and set it in their lap. Then our eyes met. His whole left side looked bruised and his left arm looked dislocated and very broken. Small pieces of glass were everywhere in him, making little cuts, making him shimmer in the moonlight.693

“I-I” He tried to speak… “I called an ambulance…they’re on their way.” He looked like he was having trouble breathing. “I am not going to let you die.” He began to cry. 694

“No…” I said.695

“Stop.” He put his bloody finger to my mouth, looking at me seriously with such amazing eyes. His eyes shimmered like space crystals, kryptonite, I thought to myself. This isn’t real, he’s some space creature, some guardian sent to save me, good luck. “Don’t try to speak…s-save your energy.” 696

He began coughing madly and set me back on the ground, only to lay with me. “D-don’t move okay? If you’ve broken anything, it might be very bad to move. And don’t try to talk…just don’t…” 697

I turned my head towards the boy and watched him cry silently. My vision was getting blurrier by the second, but I could see his eyes. Green eyes, I’ll never forget them. I took a deep breath, trying to speak. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to hit you….” I gasped698

“I know…just…could you promise me something.” 699

I blinked. “If something happens to me, I want you to find Connor Goodwin, and tell him that…Archie Little loves him. Okay?” 700

“Promise.” At that, he took my hand and we lay there together, me bleeding out, and him in terrible pain.701

“I almost had it…” Archie cried702

“w..-what?”703

“True happiness. I was coming, I was coming…to tell Alex goodbye.”704

I squeezed his hand only to realize there was a piece of glass in my ring finger, but I still held onto his hand, trying to give him some comfort, though I didn’t know what he was talking about…if we were going to die…we were going to die together.705

“You know….A-archie, you don’t have to save me I was trying to kill myself.”706

Archie stayed silent for a while, I believe he was trying to suppress the pain.707

“Well…then I really won’t let you die then…that’s how I lost Alex…I’m sure there’s someone out there…even if you don’t know them right now, that loves you just as much as I loved Alex, as much as I love Connor. You just haven’t met her yet…you have to wait…you have to…live.” I blinked and watched Archie close his eyes. 708

“Archie?” he didn’t respond.709

I watched his breathing and began to cry. “Archie please.” I waited forever for him to respond. He squeezed my hand.710

“Shh…listen.” He whispered. 711

I closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain. What was he listening to? 712

“I can hear…it.”713

“w-what?” 714

“The end.” 715

“Don’t talk like that.”716

But he didn’t say anything more; he just lied there, and waited. 717

It seemed like forever till the ambulance came…but they did. As they picked up Archie and I, and took us to separate ambulances, the last thing I heard him say was “Live.” As my vision became blurry, I decided to close my eyes, and take his advice, instead of fighting against my body, I helped it. I turned my will to live back on. I never knew it could be as simple as that, but the switch in my brain clicked, and when I woke up the next morning in the hospital bed that’s exactly what I did. I lived.718

Chapter 17- a life for a life719

I fell to the ground, crying my eyes out. Taylor had really killed Archie; it really had been his fault. I looked up at Taylor with the gun pressed to his neck. 720

“Now that your job is done,” Richie said. “You can leave.” Richie pulled the trigger and shot the bullet into Taylor’s neck. I watched Richie let go of him and his lifeless body fell to the ground. Richie smiled and pointed the gun at me, and I held my arms out far away from my body to let him shoot me right where he wanted to. “See you on the other side Archie.” And with that, he pulled the trigger. 721

Chapter 18- Guardian Angel722

Where am I? I sat up slowly and I realized I wasn’t anywhere at all. I looked to my left and right and realized I was in an empty space. I stood slowly embracing my environment. For miles in every direction all I could see was white space. I blinked. Where the hell am I? How did I get here? I thought I was shot…I put my hand on my chest I couldn’t feel any pain. 723

“Connor.” I swung around to see him looking at me.724

“Is it really you?” Archie smiled back at me.725

“You could say that. You could also say I’m a figment of your imagination, you could say…I’m a side effect of the drugs there giving you. I could be called a guardian angel…but for now you have to listen to me, and believe me no matter what I am.” I stepped toward him, and he didn’t move back.726

“Taylor killed you…” Archie looked at me sadly. 727

“No, don’t blame anyone Connor. He wasn’t trying to kill me…he didn’t mean to.”728

“Why did you try to save him? If you had stayed still maybe it wouldn’t have ended that way.”729

“He needed to live Connor…”730

“No you needed to live.” I stepped closer and began to cry.731

“Connor, please don’t cry.” He wiped my tears, he was real.732

“Why shouldn’t I cry? Your dead and the person I love killed you.”733

“I told you not to say that.”734

“But…”735

“Tell me Connor, why did you live after I died?” 736

“Cause’ I knew you wouldn’t want me to die. Cause I needed to.”737

Archie looked at me softly. “And why did Taylor live after he failed committing suicide?”738

“Because you convinced him that his life was worth living. Because you told him to live.”739

“Yes…so give me a reason why anyone should blame him for my death? You could say, ‘well if he wasn’t there’ or ‘well if I wasn’t there’ but that’s all just fate. Fate was what brought us together from across the country. Fate is what took us apart. Fate was what brought you and Taylor together. Fate is cruel and sweet, you just have to take it love.” 740

I looked Archie up and down. He looked like himself, but not like the last time I had seen him, his skin wasn’t pale, and there was life in his eyes.741

I looked at him with his wonderful smile, crystal green eyes. 742

“I’ve missed you.” I fell into his arms.743

“I know love, I’ve missed you too.”744

“You really are my guardian angel aren’t you Archie? And Taylor’s too?” 745

He smiled and held me close, “You may call me that, but I’m just doing my job, I’m just playing my part.”746

“Your part?”747

“Yes…the small, but important part in your life.” 748

“You’re part is much bigger than that.”749

“You may think that, but wait until you see what may come.” 750

“I understand.”751

“Good.” Archie looked up. “I’m sorry Connor, you’ve got to go now.”752

“What? No!”753

“Yes, look up.”754

I looked up only to see a bright light, brighter then the sun brighter than anything then I’d ever seen. I closed my eyes to shield them.755

“Connor, you there?” I opened my eyes again, but it wasn’t Archie I was staring at, no green eyes I saw, they were blue. 756

“Huh…” I blinked; my vision was not at its finniest. Everything seemed blurry. But as my vision came to I realized I was lying in a bed, and there was an unreasonable amount of pain inside of my chest. Physical pain.757

“Connor.” I heard him cry. “Please wake up…please.”758

I looked at Taylor, his head was down on the bed and his hands were holding mine. “I’m right here Taylor.” As he looked up I saw that his neck was bandaged lightly with some gauze.759

“Your okay?” I said. All he did was cry.760

“Your okay.” He stared at me. “Do you know how long you were in surgery? No one thought you were going to make it. Then about an hour ago you went into a comma, we all thought you were a goner.” 761

“We?” 762

“Alexis, Vicky, Alice and me.” I blinked at him.763

“Where are they?”764

“They’re outside in the waiting room the doctors wouldn’t let them in.”765

“Then how come you got in?” 766

“Crying, Begging, Pleading. Plus being Taylor Young may have helped their influence.”767

I smiled at this. “Ah.”768

“Connor are you okay?”769

I looked around at my hospital bed. “I guess, I’m alive aren’t I?”770

“Yeah.”771

“So what happened after we got shot?” 772

“They took us in, they removed the bullet from the metal plate in my neck, and I was out in less than 30 mins.”773

“Metal plate?” 774

“When I got in the accident they couldn’t reconstruct pieces of my neck that had been lost, to hold everything up right they put a metal plate. The bullet didn’t get past it; it was merely just a flesh wound for me. But you, Connor…you got shot in the heart.” 775

“I don’t remember…all I remember was…”776

“Was what Connor?”777

“Archie, he came to me.”778

Taylor looked down. “I’m sorry Connor.”779

I tried to speak…but I couldn’t, I wanted to say, I forgive you, but I couldn’t forgive him because it wasn’t his fault.780

“No Taylor, it wasn’t your fault that Archie died, it was no one’s fault there is no one to blame. I can’t forgive you, because there is nothing to forgive. I’m the one who is sorry, for blaming you, for hating you when I really didn’t.” 781

Taylor stared at me as if he was in disbelief. “Connor, there’s something I need to tell you.” 782

“Heh, something ELSE? What else is there that you need to tell me? Another secret?”783

“Well…it’s not really a secret…”784

“Tell me; let’s get this one over a little bit easier shall we?”785

Taylor was still holding onto both of my hands and staring right into my eyes. 786

“Well…” My voice became softer. “Tell me…”787

“I love you Connor.” He finally said it. After all this time, after everything that happened he finally said it. 788

“I love you too.” I started to laugh.789

“What? Why are you laughing?” Taylor whined. 790

“It took you this much for you to tell me that you loved me…this much for you to tell me that you were in Archie’s accident. Will we have to do this every time we need to tell each other something? Sounds like a really bad relationship to me.” I smiled at him playfully.791

“No!” he got off of his knees and sat up to kiss me. I knew he was going to kiss me, I saw it coming, I saw it in his face, in his eyes, his movements, the way he placed his arms around me right before he did it. When he leaned in his eyes didn’t close and neither did mine. I just stared at him, and he stared at me…and after a while we both closed our eyes, though we didn’t want to. We would have laid there forever and just stared at each other; we would have laid there forever and just kissed each other. But life called, like always, and we had to answer that call, and live. And we did, we lived. 792

Four Months Later793

“Connor lie back down!” Taylor yelled at me from across the room tying his tie. 794

“Well Taylor what If I don’t want to lie back down?” I teased him.795

“Well then I’ll just have to force you.” He looked at me on the bed.796

“Oh god I’m so scared my little model boyfriend is going to pin me down.”797

“I never said I was going to pin you down! Your fetishes…geez Connor.” 798

“Yes yes, and you seem to fill them all love.” I laughed hard laying back down on the bed like Taylor wanted me to. 799

Taylor looked back at me. “Thank you.”800

“Mhm, you owe me.” 801

“I owe you? Owe you what.” Taylor walked up to the bed and leaned over me.802

I closed my eyes. “You owe me…a kiss.”803

“That, I can do.” I opened my eyes and grabbed his tie, forcing him down on me. 804

Taylor rolled his eyes. “What?” I said.805

“I just fixed that, now I’m going to have to do it all over again.”806

“Hmm…you don’t look bad with a messed up tie, it’s sexy.” 807

“Yeah, but you asked me out to dinner. At our house it’s okay to have a messed up tie,” he leaned down and put his lips to my ear. “Not when were out in public.” 808

I giggled. “You sound like my mother.”809

“Yeah, how do I look?” Taylor backed off of me and twirled. 810

He was wearing a hot pink tuxedo with a matching tie, and a white dress shirt under it. The tie was a little messed up, but I didn’t really care too much. 811

“Are you ready to go Taylor?” he rolled his eyes once again.812

“YES, I am. Are you?” 813

I looked at myself in a formal black tux, tie and white dress shirt. I looked boring compared to Taylor.814

“Yeah yeah.” I sat up815

“Let’s go then.” 816

I looked at Taylor. “You didn’t tell the press about our dinner did you?”817

“No, why?”818

“I just want to be alone with you for once. Press is so annoying love.” 819

He leaned down and kissed me. “Yeah, you’re telling me.” 820

I’ll never forget that dinner we ate at Café Claude. I’d never been there before, but I had heard many great things about it. It was a café with classic French cuisine and the best wine in San Francisco. Taylor loved French cuisine, and I wasn’t too sure about taking him there knowing that I’d never been there before, but how was I suppose to know what good French cuisine tasted like? 821

“Connor, this place is gorgeous. Where ever did you find it?” Taylor took another sip of his soup. 822

“A little birdie told me about it, what is it that we are eating again, I can never pronounce it.” Taylor had ordered for me, insisting that I try this dish.823

Taylor giggled. “Well I am eating Soupe a l’oignon. With onion soup gratinée, gruyere cheese and baguette croutons.” He paused to looked at my confused expression. “And you, are eating Croque Monsieur with French white bread, béchamel, ham, gruyère cheese, and French fries.” I stared at him.824

“And you, are fluent in French my love.” I smirked. 825

“Yes, I am. If only I could go to France.”826

“Well why can’t you?” 827

“I don’t know, I have work!”828

“Well why don’t I take you there?”829

“When?” 830

I stood up and walked over to his seat. We were outside; under the low lights of San Francisco’s finest French restaurant with the person I love the most. I looked down at my hands and took Archie and I’s engagement ring off of my finger and got down on one knee and took Taylor’s left hand. As I looked up with him I could see he was about to cry. 831

“Well, you know we could go there for our…honey moon, our wedding maybe?” I smiled at him. I sighed realizing how cheesy and lame I was. “What I’m trying to say is, will you marry me Taylor Young?” 832

I slid the ring onto his finger and looked back at him to say him breaking down in tears. 833

“Yes, Connor…I will.” I stood up to hold him, and from the other tables beside us I could hear others clapping. I looked up and saw strangers, all of them. But still they found happiness from ours. 834

“Connor, I love you from the bottom of my heart.” Taylor kissed me, still crying.835

“je t'aime du fond de mon Coeur?” I smirked, being cunning translating his words into French, when I barely knew how to pronounce half of the words. It didn’t matter though he still smiled at me…and that was all that mattered as long as I could see his happiness obviously displayed it made me happy. 836

“I know that you think it’s cheap for me to give you Archie and I’s ring.” I looked at him.837

“NO! I’m honored Connor.” He looked at his hand. “It makes me feel like he’s accepted me, like you’ve forgiven me.” 838

I rolled my eyes and kissed him. “Nothing to be forgiven love.” 839

“Yeah. Guess so.” Taylor glowed under the outdoor lights. 840

“I never knew downtown San Francisco was so beautiful.” 841

He looked around. “Yeah, it’s pretty magical.”842

“Did you just say magical?”843

“Yes, that’s how I feel, so I’ll just go out and say it.” 844

I smiled “Okay, would you like to finish your dinner my Fiancé?”845

Taylor stared at me for a moment as if not believing the words that had just came out of my mouth. 846

“Yes I would.”847

“Good.” 848

So we both sat down together and finished our dinner. We didn’t say another word all dinner, and then we hopped into Taylor’s 1960 hot pink Cadillac (which matched his tux amazingly) and he looked to me and said. 849

“You know, you’re the one that’s going to change your name.”850

“Connor Young? But Taylor that sounds terrible. Taylor Goodwin would sound much better.”851

“Nah,” Taylor stepped on brake as the light in front of us turned red.852

“Why don’t we just get new last names?” he looked at me.853

“Why don’t we just keep the same names?” He said, waiting for the light to change.854

We both stopped at looked at each other “Connor and Taylor Little?” we said together. 855

We didn’t agree or disagree, but with both smiled and looked ahead. The light was green shining on us, so he floored the gas, and we took off into San Francisco’s sunset. I looked closer, and realized, the sunset-it was sparkling too. 856

This story was dedicated to Christopher Micheal Leonard. A friend, a lover, and a son. You shall never be forgotten Chris. Over time, we may forget this story. We may forget why we are here we may even forget why you left us, But we will never forget what you did for our friend. You were his personal guardian angel in all ways. Thank You. 857

- Christopher Micheal Leonard, Rest in Peace, October the 31st, 2008858