Far, far away in the Land of Nod where little boys and girls would go and visit the Castle of Dreams, lived the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candy Cane Maker.1
The Butcher would make fat juicy bacon and egg sausages which would sizzle and sing and dance when they were fried in the pan. Their favourite song was “Singe ‘Til We Are Done Maggie” and they would spray each other with little teardrops of oil as it became hotter and hotter at the bottom of the pan. Some of them even split their sides because they had giggled and laughed so much.2
The Baker, he would make mouth watering bacon and egg pies with a golden flaky pastry coat for them to wear. They were very warm hearted and could be heard singing in the oven, their favourite song, “Give Me Five Minutes More” for they just loved having a golden tan to show off to everyone. Sometimes the Baker would place them on the window sill after taking them from the oven. This did not make the pies very happy chappies because the Four and Twenty Blackbirds would come and peck at their tanned coats and leave holes in them and the eggs would all hide beneath the bacon so that the Blackbirds could not peck at them.3
The Candy Cane Maker would make beautiful long candy canes. Sometimes red and white, and sometimes green and white. At Christmas time the Candy Cane Maker would make some with all the colours of the rainbow in them and when the little boys and girls ate them they would send exciting taste buds to dance all over their tongues. The little boys and girls just loved the candy canes especially when they went to visit the Land of Nod at the end of the day. Sometimes the candy canes would hang about on little green trees in the Candy Maker’s candy shop window and sing their favourite song, “You Cane Stop Licking Me” until their colours started to run and the red ones would turn pink and the green ones would stay green because they couldn’t reach the high notes like the red ones could.4
The Candy Maker was very sad though. He couldn’t make bacon and egg candy cane no matter how hard he tried.5
One day, the Candy Cane Maker invited the Butcher and the Baker to his shop to see if they could help him make bacon and egg candy. 6
They all sat around the Candy Cane Maker’s work table drinking Schnapps working on ideas on how to make bacon and egg candy.7
The Butcher spoke up. “First you must feed your chicken with fresh green mint leaves and nothing else for a week then you will have mint flavoured green eggs. Beat them well until they are fluffy and mix them in with your candy cane mixture. Then you must puree the bacon with red cabbage juice and mint leaves and mix this in your candy cane mixture with the green eggs. Now you are ready to make bacon and egg candy.”8
“But,” said the Baker, “If you do all that the candy canes will still taste of mint and no one will ever know that there is bacon and egg in them.”9
The bottle of schnapps was almost finished and they still had not solved the problem of how to make bacon and egg candy canes. They were most perplexed.10
While they were still debating the pros and cons of making bacon and egg candy canes, the Candy Cane Maker’s wife appeared asking what were they doing sitting around the table half drunk. 11
The Candy Cane Maker explained that he loved the taste of bacon and egg and wanted to make candy canes with that flavour to which his wife replied;12
“Mr Butcher, you make the best bacon and egg sausages in the land, please do not try and make candy flavoured sausages.”13
“Mr Baker, you make the best bacon and egg pies in the land, please do not try and make candy flavoured pies.”14
“My dear husband, you make the best candy cane in the land, please do not try and make bacon and egg candy canes.”15
The three thought this was very good advice and decided to open another bottle of schnapps. This made for a very happy ending.16
There are two morals to this story, “Stick to doing what you do best” and “Don’t drink and decide.”17
Sammy November 200518
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Another charming and funny story, Sammy
Your take on the old nursery rhymes is so impressive and so much fun to read.
I'm anxious to read more but I'm about to fall asleep at the wheel here s owill have to return at a later time
You take care
Love and
Dee
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Delightful story, Sammy. I hope you don't mind a diplomatic critique. Avoid using should's, could's, would's, had's. Also, keep passives to a minimum. Active voice is much more exciting a read and also conserverves on word usage. Passives to avoid are, is's, was's and were's. It's best to replace with a strong verb or in some cases, just adding 'ed' to the end of a verb will do the trick.
Example: "Far, far away in the Land of Nod where little boys and girls (would-omit) go (and)[to] visit the Castle of Dreams, there lived the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candy Cane Maker.
The Butcher (would make)[made] fat juicy bacon and egg sausages (which would)[that] sizzle-ed and sing[sang] and dance-ed when (they were) fried in the pan. Their favourite song was “Singe ‘Til We Are Done Maggie.” (and) (t)They (would) spray-ed each other with little teardrops of oil as it became hotter and hotter at the bottom of the pan. Some of them even split their sides because they (had) giggled and laughed so much.
We tend to speak in passives but the read moves best in active voice. Once I get my story down, I'll circle all my passives and look for interesting verbs to substitute. I didn't show example for verbs, but tackle a few for yourself.
Your story is worth the editing.
But, of course, the author makes the final decision. Take or leave anything I say, not written in blood.
~Mary O
Edited on Dec 13, 11:55 p.m. because ''. -
Congratulations on Silver most deserving Sammy
~Katie~ 
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Brilliant Children's Story
Excellent advice you have at the end of your write Sammy this is every bit as good a story as the others you have written, you manage to make your characters so very interesting, and I so agree with 1der and Michelle, you should be writing Childrens stories and I add to that published also! Best of luck with the contest
~Katie~
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I do so love your stories Sammy! One day... if there is a God in heaven and He is just... I am going to sit at your feet and hear tales all day long. Nobody touches both the little girl and the grown woman within me quite the way you do! I love this. I agree with Michelle... you were meant to write for children because the child in me adores this as much as the mommy in me. I would never be afraid to share your tales with little ones. You are such a master at this! Thank you for entering such a pleasurable read in my contest. I get the honor of reading another and am looking forward to it as well. Good luck in the contest!
♥ Touchof1der -
Haha this was very cute and had a very good twist to it. thank you for sharing!~becky
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I loved the morales to the story...especially the "Don't Drink and Decide" one, such a clever play on words and a very enjoyable read. I liked this very much!
Jo -
Wow. That's hilarious. I love the morals- very true ones as well. I have another moral: When in doubt, ask a woman. ^^ Voices of reason are we.
This is really good, I love how you threw in Shnappes. I thought at first this would be a little kid story, but the Shnappes woke ME up. Tee hee.
Amazing job
Kudos!
Bekca. -
Thank you Michelle ... I'm glad to see that you enjoyed this fun write. I must confess I didn't have a clue where I was going with this one. Usually I have the end in mind and write to it ...
Hope all is well,
Sammy -
excellent
Sammy! You are just the best! This was charming, witty, with an oh so clever play with words! Really, have you considered writting childrens stories. I swear when ever I read you like this I feel like I'm reading Hans Christian Anderson or Aseops' Fables. One can't help but smile through out. Especially when their heart is being tickled! You just charm your way right in there! Good Luck int the contest!
~Michelle~
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