A Masquerading Smile

There are days in my life where there is nothing I'd rather do than curl up in my bed and ignore the world around me; when every twenty-four hours I feel like the clock has just wound back up to where it started, and I relive the same day over and over and over again. And soon a week will pass, a month, a year, and what else can I do but pretend that nothing is amiss? Wishing for change is fruitless, I have found, because I'm too cowardly to make any advances on what I want most. 1

All of this makes me smile; not in a cynical way, of course, but in attempts to make life better. Knowing what to expect should make me better prepared for a new day, only it doesn't. I've never been able get over the fact that the way I feel when I wake up in the morning is the way I will feel for a very long time. My smile involuntarily returns to me, saying to the world, "See, I'm am not feeling that terrible. Really, I am alright." This smiles covers up my insecurities, my nerves, my thoughts, my life. If you were me, what else would you do but crease the corners of your eyes, and turn that frown upside-down?

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