Prologue/Chapter One:1
It was the first week of July, in the early morning hours. The sun just visible on the horizon. On one street a door opens and closes slowly, almost soundless. A man walks across the driveway, a suitcase in his hand. He comes to his car, starts it, backs out and heads down the street. On his way down the street he sees a family moving in. A mom, dad, son, who looked about his daughter’s age, and a little girl maybe about seven or eight. He could be wrong of course, bit it was just a guess. He wouldn’t be around long enough to get to know them. He turned his full attention to the road until he notices a girl turning the corner, his daughter. He forgot she ran in the morning, practicing for cross-country. He couldn’t help but stop because she recognized the car.2
“Hi dad, do you have another business trip?” seeing the suitcase on the seat next to him. She leaned into the window and gave him a quick kiss.3
“In California for a couple weeks! You have your first cross-country meet of the season today don’t you?” she nodded her head, realizing he wouldn’t be there like he promised. “I’m sorry honey, good luck!”4
“Thank you, I’ve got to keep going. See you in a couple weeks!”5
“Bye Malorie!” she smiled and started towards home, but what she didn’t know was that she wouldn’t see him for a long time.6
Jake Spencer lifted his seventh huge box up the stairs and put in into his new room. Then went outside to help carry in the kitchen stuff. He got to the moving truck and noticed not just any girl, but someone so beautiful he couldn’t help but smile. She turned and noticed his gaze. She smiled and waved.7
“God she’s beautiful!” he said to himself as she continued running, pacing herself, as she went by. He wanted to stop her, call her back, but he didn’t. He watched her go down the street a ways then turn in a driveway and go inside. Now that he knew where she lived, he lifted the next box and headed for the house.8
Author notes
a simple love story that turns into a powerful romance
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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thanks cassandra! this means so much to me! i love it when ppl love my work! it feels so great!! i am amazing??? WOW! umm.. thanks!~LUVS~MOONY~
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This is great! I can't wait to read the next chapter! you are so talented omgosh! I can't beleive you think I am good, you are amazing! Greeat write!!!
`Cassandra~ -
thanks so much! i enjoy wrting more than anything in the world!! LOL! so yeah i left my n/b w/the FINISHED third chapter at school! so its might be a while now! LOL! character development is tough for me! so thanks for saying i did a nice job! LOL! well ttyl!~LUVS~MOONY~
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Mmm, nice introduction to the story, here.
It's hard to comment on this one now that I've already commented on the second chapter, but oh well.
One big thing that I like is your character development. I've got a good sense of what each person is like by the words you use to describe them. Such care, to give the right impression. Nice mood, too.
Keep writing them, and I'll keep reading!! Fantastic story, so far.
Christine
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summer romances are sometimes the best!!LOL! you said beautiful girls that live across the street~ for me there is a GORGEOUS guy that lives a few houses from me!~he's a senior~TALK AOBUT HOTT!! LOL
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Ahhhh... nothing like romance in July, and a beautiful girl who lives just across the street! lol Ok off to read Part Two...
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thanks so much turtle! this was way fun to write!i am going to put the next part up now TTYL~LOVEYA MOONY
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Awsome i cant wait to read more!! love you!!
~Turtle -
okay will do! i am hoping to finish writing the second half tonight just long enough to pull myself away from this comp.! and yes this is definately a romance~with lies and decite and most of all the love between a couple of teenagers that may not last forever~HINT~again thanks!
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wow, this IS good, i was just loking for random stuff to comment on, but this is great, i cant wait for the next one. An awesome setup for a story that could be romance, murder, or anything so far, very well written, keep up the good work and please message me when the second one is finished
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Hmm.. i couldn't sworn i did that! i copied and pasted it from where i had typed it and saved it on my comp. so i am going to blame it on the comp. LOL!Thanks so much tho!
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this is a good beginning. if i may make a suggestion, and say that maybe you could try putting every new speaker on a new line with your dialogue. that makes it easier to follow. looking forward to reading more...
~tara
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Thanks ginny! next part will hopefully be up tomorrow or monday! thanks for the appaulse
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thanks jake! ur so sweet! next part will hopefully be up tomorrow or monday! so thanks! ur the best ever! u need a new poem! i'm dying(Estoy Muriendo)i think that was you that has spanish too! LOL
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very good, i loved it. the story was very imaginitive. I can't wait for the next it will probably just as good. great write. good job!!!
ginny -
sweetness
well you told me to be honest so........THIS WAS FREAKIN AWESOME you left me wnating more.i cant wait until the next part applause for sure -
thanks so much!i noticed alot of ppl divid it up so i thought i would do it that way too! but yeah!some of my friends think i have a.d.d. cuz of my selective hearing and short attention span but i was checked don't have it!but again thanks! hopefully part two will be up tomorrow or Monday!
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very nice. you showed wonderfull imagery! great job! i can't wait for part two! By the way, i love how you are dividing it up, instead of making it one long story. my attention wouldn't have been held. lol (i have A.D.D.) Excellant start! oh yeah, check spelling and punctuation. I caught a few errors
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